Dont know what to do :(

[*Kate*]

Im sorry I am flooding your forum with posts when I have only just joined, but I now have a problem and I dont have anyone else to talk to, im not sure if I am posting in the right place, but it is kind of pregnancy related.

To cut a long story short, after my last loss at 9w my partner and I decided we couldnt go through it again as it was too painful ect, so we decided not to try for another baby. But now I am pregnant. It wasnt planned, I was going to start taking my pill next week when af came, but we have dtd a couple of times without using anything.

I havnt told him yet, and I wasnt planning on telling him until I knew everything was ok and all that. But...he just playfully grabbed my boobs I said ouch as they are quite sore and he said hmm why are they sore, and then said 'you better not be pregnant, we discussed that and decided not to try again'

I dont know what to do now He's gonna leave me I know it, I know I need to tell him but I dont know how

 

[hellie123]

You poor thing!!!!!!!!

I am not sure what I would do, probably tell him!!!!! Sorry, that's not really much help!! Dont forget though he's responsible too!!! x

 

[mary70]

if he hadnt have wanted
you to become pregnant
so badly he should have
made sure that he used
something EVERY time u
had sex

 

[Nicky_Jones]

I would tell him. Honesty is the best policy, I am sure he won't leave you.

You can always do a PG test tomorrow morning, then show him that as if you have only just found out (but don't actually say that), and imply that being painful made you suspicious and why you took a test. You are so early that it is not unreasonable to not know before tomorrow if you know what I mean. But be honest.

 

[angelcake89]

He can't tell you off for getting pregnant, it takes 2 to tango and if he was that concerned about getting pregnant he should have wrapped it up.

I think the best thing to do is explain to him that you are pregnant, but obviously it wasn't planned. You do need to sit down and talk with him rather than bottle it up. Plus if you don't tell him he may well feel you've lied to him.

 

[donna27]

All you can do is be honest and tell him.

 

[*Kate*]

Thanks girls. I guess I need to tell him asap, I just cant find the right words. Last time it was planned so it was easy to tell him. Ugh this sucks, thanks again xxx

 

[mudgey]

I was just reading through the posts on here and thought Id reply to you as it is kind of similar to what I went through with OH. Im 26weeks now so its a while ago but thought it might help

This bubba wasnt planned at all, we'd been going through a bit of a rough patch on and off for a few weeks but obviously I got pregnant on one of the "on" days!! We had a big row and OH said he wasnt sure about us anymore, was considering moving out for a while etc. Then I found out I was pregnant, HUGE shock and I was really scared. It was awful debating whether to tell him but then I decided I had to, he had a right to know and it was just stressing me out far too much keeping it secret.

So I told him and he said he didnt want it It was horrible. He made me do 2tests a week apart before he would even believe me and then just kept saying he didnt want it. I knew I could never get rid of it so we had a really rough few weeks although we stayed together and he never moved out.

Then he gradually seemed to get used to the idea, I didnt push it and just let him get used to it by himself and he came round slowly. Things are now going really well, hes been to all my scans and was even the first one to buy bubba something!

Your partner is probably just scared after last time, Im sure he wont leave you over it You need to tell him as soon as you can, just sit him down, try to stay calm and explain. As others have said its not just down to you, hes the one who got you pregnant after all. He might need a bit of time but Im sure he'll come round, try not to worry too much

 

[KikoDinoGirl]

Well...

In the end you both had sex. He was part of that act, and it sounds like there was some understanding that you weren't taking contraception. So you are pregnant, it's equal responsibility. It is not 'your fault' or 'your responsibility

In terms of your partner's reaction I actually think that is potentially because he doesn't want you to go through the hurt and pain you had before. That's understandable, I am sure your partner care's for you and wants to make sure you are okay. So then it's discussion time I think really. I am personally keen on hiding pregnancy from partners- potentially you are going to be more emotional, peaky etc, your partner should be there for you.

Although you say you think he will leave, well you don't know until you speak to him. But I also feel it's unlikely as mentioned in the earlier part of the post I think his comment came from worry not annoyance.

 

[OverTheMoon]

Hopefully his was just a spur of the moment reaction. I'm sure he felt terrible when you went through your loss last time, and he's probably scared of seeing you go through the same pain (as well as his own).
Please tell him, you don't need the stress first and foremost of keeping it to yourself, and also i bet you'll find he'll be supportive, after all you were trying before, so its not like you've never discussed having children.
Good luck to you and lots of hugs You'll feel so much better once you've done it. Keep us posted xx

 

[*Kate*]

Thanks for all your advice girls.

Mudgey - we too have been going through a bit of a rough patch, but over the last coupld of weeks things slowly seem to be getting better. Part of me is scared to tell him just incase things go bad again for us

KikoDinoGirl - Yeah he knew I wasnt on the pill, It was only decided a few weeks ago we werent going to try again, so I was waiting for this af to come around so I could start taking my pill again. I know this is a bit of a lame excuse but we were both drunk when we dtd so I guess we just both got caught up in the heat of the monment and forgot about reaching for the condoms

Im going to tell him when he gets home later, Ill let you know how I get on x

edited to add - its just my luck to get pregnant the only ONE time we dtd in my whole cycle!

 

[Jade89]

I hope he doesn't take it bad

But yep, it takes two to tango and he diddn't use a condom just the same as you hadn't started taking your pill yet so he took the risk too.

I agree with overthemoon too, you had already thought about having children so if all goes well for you then it can't be that bad can it?

Hope your ok and he takes it well