Dont know what to do? (updated)

[babyroo]

Hi everyone
Sorry but I think this might be a long post.
Well, my big brother told me yesterday on the phone that his girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't know if he has taken it quite well, when I asked him how he was about it? (he sounded quite low) he said "I suppose I am", don't get me wrong he is standing by his girlfriend but I am just so so so worried about him , I hardly slept last night. My brother has been getting so down for a little while now , he's not happy at work and was wanting a different type of job (He's a bar manager) maybe re-train or something but I'm worried he thinks he can't do that now. Also its very tricky for them because he lives with our parents and she lives with her mam , so now they are going to have to sort out a way of living together. My brother has'nt told our parents yet but her mam has known for a couple of weeks now , which I don't think is very fair on them. He say's "I have'nt had chance to tell them" but I know for a fact he is frightened of telling them. Our parents are very very very very traditional and think children should not be born out of wedlock, people should not live together etc. When he tells them I know for a fact there will be trouble.My father is not a well man, he has cancer and a number of other health problems and I'm worried how he is going to react and if it will effect his health. Just an example of my mam's views on things, she tells people I am due on September 1st instead of August 25th because she does'nt want people to think i fell pregnant before i got married, I got married on 2nd December 2006, so if she got her calendar out she would work out I was married (for about 12hours or so he he) when I got pregnant. I don't want my brother to think he has to marry his girlfriend to keep them happy, if he wants to he should do it for himself.
When I told him I was pregnant he was really happy and looking forward to baby, but he just seems to be so different now he's having one of his own. I tried to tell him yesterday that I know what our parents are like but I'm sure they will be fine in the end and that their baby will have a little cousin only a couple of months older for it to play with and we can swap clothes, toys etc, but he still seemed so low.
I know this may sound a bit selfish but i dont want to be involved when he tells our parents and with what is said etc, it's just i dont want to get too stressed out while I'm pregnant.
I just don't know what to do to help.

 

[Charlotte & Emily]

This a toughie
All is i can say is dont stress out too much as its not good for you or baby.
Tell your brother that you'll always stand by him even if your parents dont,
i cant critise your parents for their views because everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
I hope everything works out and you have a happy and healthy pregnancy

 

[babyroo]

I did'nt mean to be mean to my parents believes.Sorry mam and dad. I also think that everyones believes should be respected. It's just that when my mam says about my due date to people it makes me feel that i've done something wrong when I know i have'nt. Just a guilt thing i suppose.

 

[mamichuli]

Aww, babyroo, I am sorry to hear you have to go thru family troubles like this now, not the best time for you..
The thing is that family is like that, you can't really do much, just let bro know that you are supportive, but I think you also need to be clear with him that you really don't want to get involved with the actual "telling of parents". You need to think of your own baby right now. I know that sounds awfully selfish, but you have to put your own LO first.
On a brighter side, my experience is that impending storms are always worse BEFORE they break. Once your brother and his girlfriend speak to your Mum and Dad, they will feel better, whatever the reaction. Just pure relief I guess. You are quite right, tho, they should not get married unless they really want to.
Cheer up, sweetie, don't let this get you down...

Lisa

 

[SarahB]

Hi Babyroo, I know exactly where you are coming from. My parents are VERY traditional too, my Dad is actually a minister, and my sister got pregnant out of wedlock twice. I worried myself sick about mum and dad, and found dad one day sobbing his heart out. It is really stressfull, and heartbreaking as there is nothing you can do but watch the people you love the most get hurt. Please try not to worry too much, easier said than done I know but is it is not healthy for you or your baby.
If you need to chat please PM me xxx

 

[tots hope]

My parents both have a strong faith and my brother has recently got married. Unfortunately they weren't that happy when my brother got engaged as he had only been going out with her for about 2 months and only known her for 2 months 1 day!. They got married 4 months later and his wife made it quite clear she wanted to be pregnant as soon as she got married. They have now been married only 6 months and she is already 5.5months pregnant. Although my brother is married my parents still struggled as they were a little wary of his wife but my parents love him unconditionally. He has done a lot of "bad" things in his life and they have always had this approach with him - i hope your parents have the same view - let us know how it goes

 

[lmarszall]

Hiya,

Sounds similar to when we found out i was pregnant.

DP's parents aren't overly religious but they are very traditional.

Anyway his oldest brother anounced they were expecting a baby in February. He is 31 , married has a house etc. And his next brother has just bought a house and got married.

Dp is 19 and i was 24 and we found out we were pregnant in October. We didn't tell his parent till xmas when i was 17 weeks. His family have alot on their plate. His dad's uncle has terminal cancer etc.

They were so happy to get a granchild from their eldest and we knew our news ould be taken badly. We were both living with our own parents at the time.

But at the end of the day we were and still are very happy and can't wait to have our baby. DP moved in with me at my parents and we are now all moving to a bigger house.

His parents were shocked but took the news ok and now are happy to have another granchild on the way.

I understand you not wanting the stress but i expect your brother and his girlfriend are finding it hard too. I know i was really stressed until we told DP's parents and it would have been nice to have support from someone else at the time.

It is not your problem if your parents have old fashioned or religious views so if they don't take it well don't lwt it stress you out. As long as your brother and his girlfriend are happy and want their baby that is all that mattersd. Everything else can be sorted out.

Laura
xxx

 

[cloud9]

Your brother may well be in shock, i think it often takes men a while to get there head round it.

 

[babyroo]

Thanks everyone for your posts, just wanted to update you all with things really. Well, my brother still has'nt told our parents and this is driving me insane because it makes me feel bad that I know and they don't. The other day he said I never see our mam to talk to her (she does alot of charity work and is not in during day) so I went and spoke to my mam yesterday and said I think my brother would like some time to speak to you, so yesterday they were both in the house talking alone together (I went home to leave them alone) and he said nothing. I just am so frustrated with him, he was so horrible to me yesterday too I was asking how his OH (mam was'nt there at this point) was and all he could do was snap at me. My hubby seems to be getting quite frustrated too because he knows I'm worrying about it , He thinks that I should maybe threaten my brother with a deadline or we will tell them and this may do the trick. (it would only be an empty threat). My hubby is just trying to look after me because we have our own LO to think about.
I dont like to think I'm interfering but I just think that when my brother does tell them and things settle (hopefully ) he will get the support he needs from them and he would feel alot better.
Sorry to keep on about this, I feel horrible because I know people are going through a far worse time than me.