Don't feel connected to baby..

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by sandrah71, Aug 26, 2016.

  1. sandrah71

    sandrah71 Member

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    So I am now 31+ weeks...

    Yes I do feel excited and thrilled at the thought of becoming a Mum, but there are days, like today, where I just don't feel as connected to my baby.

    I feel guilty that I missed out on my 12 and 20 week scan as I would have bonded with it then.

    I don't have anything prepared or ready yet and just feel that it will be a mad rush at the end. We are leaving the nursery for now, as baby will be in with us for the first few months.

    I've heard/read that there are Mums-to-be who get really excited when they go shopping for baby clothes, but I don't feel that way at all.

    I'm also seeing my midwife for the first time next Tuesday, which I am a bit anxious about too.

    I just hope things change over the next 9 weeks...
     
  2. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    What happened with the scans and MW appointments if you dont mind me asking? I would imagine seeing her for the first time bound to make most mums to be nervous when its the first time. Hopefully after that appointment you will start to feel better, have you looked online at the clothes and general stuff to see if anything catches your eye? Is there an option to have a scan in the next 9 weeks just so you have the opportunity to see him/her and see if that sparks a better connection? I hope things look up for you soon
     
  3. sandrah71

    sandrah71 Member

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    I only discovered I was expecting at 6 months, when I had my first scan.

    My first midwife appointment is on Tuesday, as I've never been told to see one before now. I think I will let her know how I'm feeling too.

    I guess I'm still in a bit of denial that I'm having a baby to be honest.
     
  4. Willow16

    Willow16 Well-Known Member

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    I think you should talk about this with your midwife. I can imagine it is a big shock for you to find out you were so far along. I would expect that could help you with talking through how you are feeling.
     
  5. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    How are you feeling overall about the pregnancy and becoming a mum? It might be worth while talking to MW as you say, it must have been a shock finding out at 6 months.
     
  6. sandrah71

    sandrah71 Member

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    Thank you..

    I've had a good talk with my husband today about how I am feeling about the baby and how unprepared I think we are.

    He said he felt the same, as he was just as shocked as I was when I found out, but he is now getting use to the idea of being a Dad again. He also said he wanted to be at the birth, as he missed out on the birth of his children due to marriage problems.

    So we are both going to the midwife on Tuesday and going to see if we can arrange a couple more scans, if we can. We are then going to have a look around for nursery ideas etc.

    I'm feeling better today about things and even going to start on my birth plan, or at least try.
     
  7. Prettypee

    Prettypee Well-Known Member

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    Hunny, this sounds like possible antenatal depression symptoms so definitely talk to midwife.i know the focus is normally on post natal but it's more common than you think.

    You're not alone though, I had those feelings with my first and did for a fair few weeks after birth... But the bond did come and it is well worth it. This time around i again feel a little disconnected but I am confident that the bond will be made :)

    Sent from my D6603 using Tapatalk
     
  8. mummywanabe

    mummywanabe Well-Known Member

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    I felt that way this time around although I was happy to be pregnant I also felt a little low, a little uninterested / disconnected, so I decided to find out the baby's gender this time, we're having a little girl, once I found out she's was a she I've felt more connected, she's not an it anymore, I've no doubt when you meet your baby you will bond, also you've had a bit of a shock only finding out lately whereas most people find out around 4 weeks, so you've not had the same length of time to get your head around it
     
  9. louise2610

    louise2610 Well-Known Member

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    Have you seen your baby on a scan yet?
     
  10. BunnyN

    BunnyN Well-Known Member

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    If you were to go the tri 1 and even tri 2 forums I'm sure you will find several posts from ladies finding it hard to get their heads around being pregnant and finding it hard to connect to baby and feeling like it isnt real. With time it slowly gets more real and a bond starts to form with baby. Scans, feeling baby move etc do help but it is usually gradual and I think there are always worries about how you are going to cope. It even happens with ladies who have been long term TTC and desperate to have a baby. It seems to me that with finding out fairly late you have had all those feeling jammed into a short amount of time along with the shock of finding out you are that far along and having much less time to get everything ready. I honestly think it sounds pretty normal to be feeling the way you are and most of us would be the same in those circumstances. Of course it could turn into depression so dont bottle it in and talk to your MW if you see a need. Glad you talked it out with your OH anyway, that will help a lot.

    My circumstances were totally different but I caj sympathise with some of your fwelings. With our 1st I suffered from HG in tri 1 was too ill l to get my head around the idea being pregnant. Athough I was terrified of the idea of anything going wrong with the baby it didnt feel at all real and I really looked forward to the 1st scan as a bonding moment. My sickness was finally begining to improve at 13 weeks when I got my scan. Then the first thing we saw on the scan, even before baby, a problem with the placenta. I did a couple of more scans after that but was more concentrated on the problem than the baby. Thankfully everything turned out fine but by the time that was solved I was already worrying about the birth and the fact that nothing was ready for baby because I had been so bad with morning sickness and then had been put on bed rest until half way through the pregnancy. We visited the hospital we planned to use and it freaked me out because I didn't like it at all and I we didnt feel like we were getting much support or attention from our overworked doctors who kept changing. Finally in tri 3 we decided on a home birth and switched care to an independent MW who I felt more comfortable with and she actually had time to care. I finally felt like I could just enjoy being pregnant. Infact my favourite part of pregnancy was the last 3 or 4 weeks (and I went 10 days over). For me the birth and holding DD for the first time was the most amazing moment. And I felt instantly bonded. With my second the birth fine but wasn't quite the same perfect moment. I found I bonded more with him over the next few days. I think the bonding is different for everyone but it will come it just takes a little time for some.
     
    #10 BunnyN, Aug 28, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2016
  11. Papermoon

    Papermoon Well-Known Member

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    It might be an unconscious defense mechanism to protect yourself emotionally. Like you want to unconsciously hold off on feeling too happy or connected till the baby is born?

     

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