Does everyone have support?

[ktelliott]

I,m pregnant with my first. It was planned but i dont know if we planned it enough as in we moved last sept to Huntingdon from West Sussex, a 3-4 hour drive away from friends and family.
After nearly a year of living here we have not made any friends, our neighbours are alot older than us.
I am worried that i just cant do this without my friends and family support e.g driving me to hospital, doctors etc.. when OH at work, babysitting, being a new parent and wanting some help and advice from other mums especially mine, visting me in hospital etc...
I want us to move back to west sussex so i can have this support because i am completly on my own up here when husband at work but we cant afford house prices down there, so would have to move in with parents, location not good for our business, we would have to try and sell our house now before or after the baby is born.

I just wanted to find out if you guys have friends and family near by to offer help and support, how close are they, do they help, can you live without their help, is it essential that they are nearby, did you relocate to have the support???

Any advice appreciated

 

[EllieBelle]

Im about 2 hours drive from my mothers house and about 4 hours from my father, my friends all live at least 2 hours away also, so I know exactly how you feel.

We also know no-one in the village, although I am looking forward to going to local toddler groups etc, and have also looked into NCT groups in my area, which look really good!

Im also told that you make so many friends when you have children so Im not worrying too much.

Im sure you will be fine, although I know its pretty tough as in the same situation.

 

[MrsBrightside]

I feel exactly the same way as you........ OH has lived here all his life and his family live here but mine are an hours drive away and I haven't made that many friends down here. Im very very home sick and worrying how I am going to cope during this pregnancy and once LO is here without my parents, family and friends around me... To top it all off I dont even want to register with a Dr down here and dont know my way around etc so tend to stay in the house most days and only go places with OH!

 

[ktelliott]

It sounds like you 2 are a lot less worried about it then i am! Maybe i should relax!

I know i,m going to meet more people when the baby is here what with all the toddler classes etc.. but i cant gurantee i,m going to make long lasting friendships with them and whether i,m going to trust them to look after my child if and when we need a sitter etc...

I think i,ve conveinced the OH to move back down to west sussex but i know we have to make some compromises.

 

[kaybee]

I read this with a lot of interest as it's something i've been a bit worried about too, as I'm pregnant with my first and am scared I'm going to get really lonely.

Me and OH live 4 hrs from my parents and nearly 2hrs from his. We live out in the sticks in quite a small village and have found it difficult making friends, as our neighbours are old too. The only 'real' friends we made in our village relocated earlier this year and the rest of our original friends live about 1/2 hr drive away - near the city centre - and none of them have kids, so I'm a bit worried our lives are going to differ and we'll drift apart.

We're quite lucky as we're both self-employed, so technically we could live anywhere - but we can't move closer to OH's family because the house prices increase steeply the closer we get to them and my family aren't as hands-on and supportive so I'm not bothered to move closer to them . People I know who have had babies say having a baby is the easiest way to make friends, so I'm kind of banking on it in a way! But I worry that they're not going to be 'proper' friends and that the only thing I'll have in common with them is a baby! Plus, I don't think our village has anything in the way of mother and baby groups, and the NCT classes I'm interested in are 10 miles away, so I may not make 'local' friends either.

Geez, there's so much to worry about isn't there! It sounds like you've decided you want to move back already though. What were your reasons for moving to Huntingdon in the first place? Are your parents trying to persuade you to move back to them? Have you just been feeling like this since you became pregnant? x

 

[maybebaby]

I just wanted to add my input, although it may not be what you want to hear.

I moved to Leeds (about 2 1/2 hours drive from Bedford) to go to uni at 18. The following year my OH moved up too and we moved in together. 6 months later I dropped out of uni, we both got jobs & made friends and were happy up there for a few years.

When I got pregnant, although we were deliberately not using contraception in the hope of conceiving (long story but in short doctors aren't always right ) it was still a bit of a shock & we hadn't really thought long term about how we would cope - we had friends but no family around.

In the end we decided that the support of having both families around was more important than anything else and so moved back to Bedford on Christmas Eve 2006, when I was 27 weeks pregnant! We had to move to a smaller house as rent is so much more expensive down here, and OH ended up working in a call centre for 9 months which he absolutely hated because he needed to work & couldn't find another job in the short term.

However, it was definitely the right decision for us. I now work 2 days a week & Austin goes to his Grandmas' houses - my mum on a Monday & OH's mum on a Wednesday. He has a wonderful relationship with his grandparents, and because I live round the corner from my sister we see each other most days and our children are growing up with their cousins around them which is lovely.

It really has to be a personal decision, I do sometimes think it would have been nice to stay in Leeds because I loved the area we lived in, the convenience of a city, and the cheaper cost of living, but I value the free childcare & the relationships my son is developing with his extended family more than anything else.

Obviously we're now onto baby #2, which I don't think we would have considered if we hadn't moved back 'home'.

I hope you come to a decision that you are both happy with, and wish you all the best with your pregnancy

 

[timtam]

Hi,

I would say try it and see how you go - you never know you may love how it turns out (babies are meant to be very adaptable to their surrounds - at least mine will have to be!) But like maybebaby says is a personal decision.... Have you got any work buddies?

(My family are all in different countries, so have to count on them visiting for holidays. Have a few friends around, will see how it turns out eh?)

 

[chezzabell]

Im very luckly I have support in family and friends who live in the same town, I dont know where I would be without them

 

[nori]

Hiya hun this has worried me too. I am a fair drive away from my parents and my crohns has a high risk of flaring after the baby which means i will be stuck at home alone without being able to leave the house (or toilet) atall! Im scared witless if im honest but hey.. i will get through it even if i have to go and live with my parents again!

On a positive note i have taken steps to make friends.. im going to the working bumps NCT meets and also ive joined the netmums website. If you pop in your postcode then it comes up with days out etc.. its great!

Im sure that when you have your baby you will meet lots of people. I know how hard it is when its just you and your OH.. noone seems to talk to each other much these days!

Try and relax (she says) im sure it will all work out just fine..

Claire xx

 

[indie78]

My biggest concern is childcare.
We live 1 hour from my parents who work full-time and 2 hours from OH parents.
We cant afford for me to give up work but the cost of childcare is a real issue
On plus side we do have friends who will be very supportive and our families are still really close enough to see us quite often

 

[Mik]

I am an army wife so I have been moved around all over since we married and started our family. The army "family" isn't neccessarily as supportive as you may think it is very much a face fits kind of thing and I am not shy but I take my time getting to know people so I haven't often had friends close by and any time I have made any we have moved! You can do it it isn't always easy but some of the best friends I have made have not been through work or the army but through mother and baby groups and the labour ward! Any friends you have now that are not moving along the baby path with you will still be good supportive friends if they are friends worth having.

 

[Mik]

I am an army wife so I have been moved around all over since we married and started our family. The army "family" isn't neccessarily as supportive as you may think it is very much a face fits kind of thing and I am not shy but I take my time getting to know people so I haven't often had friends close by and any time I have made any we have moved! You can do it it isn't always easy but some of the best friends I have made have not been through work or the army but through mother and baby groups and the labour ward! Any friends you have now that are not moving along the baby path with you will still be good supportive friends if they are friends worth having.