9 Weeks Pregnant, but so i'm so confused Help!!

[natalie_1985]

Hello Im a new user, im 9 weeks pregnant and never felt so confused in my life i am 22 and the baby is due in august. but the problem is i feel nothing towards it im even considering havin an abortion even though i have always been completely against it, i worry i can't support the baby in the way it deserves, ive split with the father as it wasnt planned and we arent getting on and altho he wants me to keep it and says he will support us it isnt how i planned my life and i dont want the baby so suffer because of that but i really cant make my mind up on what to do for the best a couple of my friends said its normal but ive seen my doctor and he says i dont have much time left to make my choice, i really need some advice. please can someone advise i really am so confused and lost. thanks

 

[babydust]

sorry i dont have any advice, as i have never been in your situation but i just wanted to say dont be rushed into a decision and remember you will be hormaonal just now which can effect your feelings, what about your parents can you talk to them about it.

 

[natalie_1985]

I havent had contact with my parents for 3 years but i found them and got in touch wiht my mother who ive arranged to meet tomoro but she has already told me to do what i want to do which doesnt help me at all.

 

[lauramumof2]

sometime life has different plans for us that the ones we set out.
I found out I pg with my 3rd when I had 2 wee ones. I was terrified and and after much soul searching decided to keep the baby. Then I lost it.

Take your time to think it through

 

[handbagqueen]

Hi there,
I'm afraid I don't have much advice on this topic either but perhaps it would help if you spoke to a professional confidentially as they'll be able to give you impartial advice. You could try FPA on 0845 122 8690.
Hope you work things out

 

[natalie_1985]

how do you decide, how are u meant to know whats right, ive been against abortions since i was a little girl and im scared as anything all ive ever wanted was a baby but me and the father have split up ive been really ill and had to leave my job so im out of work single and 9 weeks pregnant i just wish someone could point me in the right direction because my doctor and midwife were both really unhelpful is there no one that i can talk to properly?

 

[mibiuk]

Hi there,

I also have not been in your situation but like most others here please take your time in making this decision.. it's something I would find hard also and can appreciate why you are asking for advice.

Just noticed the thread about the helpline that would be a good idea I was going to suggest that.

Anyway whatever you decide good luck
mibiuk

 

[Sherlock]

I can imagine you are distressed and as this was an unplanned pregnancy, have many issues to address. Please try to not get so worked up as it won't help your state of mind, and if anything it'll cloud your judgement more. So, deep breath and let's see if anything I or others write might be of help

Have you talked to Family Planning? They have people you can talk to who are impartial and able to offer advice, which will maybe help you. Family Planning page 'Pregnant and don't know what to do? A guide to your options' here They can talk you through all of your options.

I think you need to try to consider all aspects of this pregnancy and what it means to you, and to weigh up what you feel are your options. You have choices you can make, but its always good to be informed as possible.

I cannot say don't have your pregnancy terminated, as at the end of the day, that is your choice and one only you can make. I cannot also say you should keep your baby regardless, as I don't know your personal situation.

I can understand you are feeling confused and are presented with what you see as limited choices, and maybe none of them are appealing right now. That does not mean to say that in a few weeks, once you are over the shock of discovering you are pregnant, you won't feel differently. Please don't do anything hasty, give yourself a bit of time as once done, the consequences will remain, whatever you decide to do.

Would you feel differently if you and your ex were still a couple? Is there a chance you might reconcile? Is he serious on his supporting you? Some things happen in life that are unplanned, if you feel a baby is really not something you are ready or capable of dealing with in your life then you need to discuss with a professional counsellor or some such and see how you feel once you've talked to them. They may help you see some positives in amongst all the negatives you are finding. But either way, they will be supportive of your choice.

I do feel for you, I really do, have a few of these

 

[Sherlock]

how do you decide, how are u meant to know whats right, ive been against abortions since i was a little girl and im scared as anything all ive ever wanted was a baby but me and the father have split up ive been really ill and had to leave my job so im out of work single and 9 weeks pregnant i just wish someone could point me in the right direction because my doctor and midwife were both really unhelpful is there no one that i can talk to properly?

I think you really have lost your sense of direction. You've been hit with a triple whammy and its a lot to take on board

You have found out your are pregnant, split with your partner and maybe are still dealing with the breakup, been ill and no longer have a job. So of course right now the odds feel like they are stacked against you. You are reeling from one thing, hardly have time to deal with it, then have something else happen. But you can also learn to cope with what has happened and should you decide to, to bring a baby into this world.

It's good you've come to ask people for their suggestions. We are happy to try to offer advice, but none of us are experts nor in your position. No one here can make the decisions for you.

That you have been against terminations is obviously making you feel more guilty or worried. You've considered it as a possibility and are probably beating yourself up over doing so. Don't. Laying guilt on yourself for having these thoughts is something you don't need to do. It only adds to your upset and clouds your thinking.

Drop me a PM if you want to talk more. I'm happy to try to help get you the advice and support you need right now. You are not alone, there are people who can help you, so hang in there.

 

[natalie_1985]

i have only spoken with my midwife who sent me to the doctor but he said i have to decide quickly.... my midwife was ok she said she knows how i feel because she is a single mum and she didnt have anything when she fell pregnant and thats what made her become a midwife (her daughter is 6 now) and she said she wouldnt change anything, which makes me think that i can do it, the babys father says he is serious even thou we cant be together he wants to be there for me and the baby no matter what happens, he says he knows i can do it because i havent had an easy life, but i broke up with my partner because i went off him not long after i fell pregnant...... thank you for tryin to help just dont want to make the wrong decision

 

[cinnamon81]

My baby wasn't planned either, and even though I'm sure I'm doing the right thing I still get panic when I think about how much my life is going to change. I've only been with my boyfriend for a year and although he says he's here for me I'm still scared about ending up on my own.

It is a big life change and a big responsibilty bringing a child into the world but its also very rewarding, I think the shock of finding out and the worry is made so much worse by hormones too, so please take some quiet time to think about your life at the end of this year, and how you'll feel with your new child, or the way you would feel if you went ahead with a termination. Many many people regret abortion but I don't know anyone who regrets their decision to become a mum.

Please talk it through with a friend or as a previous poster suggested one of the helplines, it really has to be your decision.

Good luck

 

[Jen79]

I had an abortion when I was younger and I have got to say that its something that I think about and feel guilty about even though it was years ago. If I had my time again I dont think I could go through with it. I feel so much guilt and sorrow, especially now I have a daughter and more of an understanding of what could have been.

Dont get me wrong, I am pro choice and only you know whats right for you but just be very very sure about what you do as its something you have to live with for the rest of your life. I know how scared and unsure you must be feeling but try to think practically and with a clear head, dont let a state of panic make you rush into a decision. Definately take some professional advice.

All the best and take care

 

[Bubalu]

Hi Natalie, I've never had to make a decision as difficult as you face but when I do have hard decisions to make, I often find that all the different options just go round and round in my head til I hardly know what I think anymore. To get past this, I find it useful to make a list of all the good points and bad points. Doing this might help you decide how you really feel. Also, it may give you a list of things that you want to discuss with your family or counselling services.

 

[Tadpole]

Hello Hon,

I don't know if I can really help and this must be such a difficult decision for you to make. I will say though, reading your meassages again, that you sound to me like you want to keep the baby but are very worried about how you would cope. Try not to worry too much about that as these things have a habit of coming together. If that is what you really want then it will work out. But again if it isn't what you want that too will work itself out. It is sometimes very hard to see the light at the end when you are in a such a difficult place but you have to trust your own judgement. Sherlock gives very good advice, speak to a professional who is used to helping other women in this situation. Try not to be swayed by what other people think and believe in yourself that you can make this decision one way ot the other. Sometimes the hardest thing in life is actually making a decision itself. When you have decided what YOU want, you will find ways to get through this.

Please have lots of these and I wish you lots of love in whatever you decide.

 

[Bee]

Hi

I just wanted to say I felt exactly the same when I found out I was pregnant too - it wasn't planned and not exactly the best time in my life.

I had a really hard time deciding what to do and when I had extreme sickness everything seemed worse.

Sometimes I still worry that I am doing the right thing and I do have bad days.

I hope u make a decision that u are happy with - please don't be preasured by what anyone else thinks u should do.

All the best

 

[trixiehunnybun]

Hi there, know you musthave feelings all over the place at the moment. You still have a few weeks to make up your mind. im 8 weeks and im going to the doctor on wed to ask for a termination. i joined a forum on sofemine.co.uk to talk to women who have had one. Im just starting process of splitting from my partner and i cant and dont want to do it on my own. Dont let anybody talk you into anything you dont want to do. Hope everything turns out ok for you xxxxxx

 

[Lianatoot]

Bringing up a baby alone is a scary and daunting thought...I know because I did it myself, My son is now 10 and his father was no help at all and we split up...he hasent seen Lochlin since he was 3! even before that it was off and on...I was 17 when I fell pregnant, and boy was it scary....I wouldent change anything for the world now.

I cant really advise you what to do, only you can decide...maybe as Sherlock posted with the professional help...who can give you impartial advice.

I am facing the fact, that at 9 weeks, I might lose my baby, who wasent planned, but I already love dearly,and its killing me... so maybe I am not the best person to ask anyway.

I do wish you well, and hope you reach a decision soon

 

[abcd1234]

Ultimately the decision is all yours, and i'm pretty sure you do have a while to think things through, it's wrong for your doctor to push you to decide.
My baby wasn't planned either and like you i always thought i was totally against abortion, at first i was shocked but happy about it, then my OH freaked out and i was left on my own for a month.
This made me rethink everything, i'm only 19 half way through a degree, still living with parents and on at that point on my own and i'll admit abortion did cross my mind.
For me the right decision was to keep my baby, but thats not right for everyone, a career has never been a main priority for me a family has and i know i'll manage, i'm looking in to moving out and my uni are very supportive, so are work and my family. My OH even got over his shock and has been wonderful every since.
I think you need to evaluate whats best for you and how you will feel either way, whatever you decide will affect your life so it has to be right for you.
Good luck

 

[kalia]