Does anyone else...

[LuW]

like spend hours looking at things they would have bought for baby, or like look at events or things thinking We would have done that too.



I never did it until we really started 'trying' well our version of trying but now it's like I look at things in shops and get really frustrated because I want to buy them for him but I know it'll end up in a box because I wont want it to be used by any future children we have because it's Billie's.


I feel awful he's never had anything thats his own. Especially after L's family kicking off the way they did over him and mine just not talking about him at all.

 

[cosmicgirl]

I've got a box of pink clothes under the bed
Started buying bits and bobs before I knew the twins were boys, always assumed I would have a little girl at some point x


Sent from my knackered iPhone

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Awww honey x how pregnant were you when you lost Billie? I was 24 weeks when i lost our baby girl but i am saving her bits n bobs for my next little girl. There are 2 things that will always be hers and i buried them for her, it was nice for her to have something

I have to avoid certain shops because i look at baby girl clothes and its torture... But i try and focus on other things and think about what i can enjoy now x

dont let it eat you up darlin x

 

[LuW]

One day, Cos, you'll get to use all them girly things.

They told me he was aprox 9-10 weeks (8 weeks at the time, but the final letter I got from the hospital stated 9-10weeks) and because I didn't think I was pregnant (sounds daft not knowing for all that time, I know. It was a very difficult time in my life and I wasn't concentrating on what I should have been) they basically took everything and tested it. So heartless pr*ck came over and smiled then said 'Congrats! It's a boy!' and left me with a print out of his genetics which a nurse took off me later. That was all I saw of my boy- never anything else(I'm heavily anaemic and pass out pretty much constantly when I'm run down, aswell as having spinal stenosis so pain= not moving/eating properly+ sudden shock= pass out). Just a piece of paper to prove he exsisted that they didn't let me keep.

I don't think he's ever left us either. I get the feeling I'm not alone and if I'm struggling to sleep I can be awake until like 4 in the morning not a single yawn then I'll suddenly feel all calm and just sleep. L said hes felt bot of those things too and when he's working the unsocial shifts out there he says he just doesn't feel alone. Lik theres someone with him and they're just sat in a comfortable silence. Or I'll be dreaming over things L's family have said, which are always awful dreams and then (literally like his dad will be in midsentence or something) it changes suddenly and it's just me and L sat on the beach or in a wooded area and its calm and peaceful.

Think I'll talk to L over getting him something. So we can pick t out together. But I've already said I don't want anyone (other then you lot on here) else knowing when we've our new baby until 25 weeks and nothing is to be bought and left where I can see it everyday until 20 weeks minimum. Like he can buy us something for baby, at 13weeks but it has to be kept in the van where I can't see it at all unless I want to. I know people will probs guess but I don't want to tell them until then. And I don't want his parents being offically told at all. They've insulted my little man so why on earth should I let them near his brother or sister. L agrees with me and I think if they'd done what hey had while he was in the country - blood would have been shed over it.


So sorry for you loss Dragonfly. Hopefully we'll get our babies soon though XXXXX

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I am not going to tell anyone until i am 25 weeks either.

i lost her at 23 weeks... so nothing will be a relief, i am dreading the ultrasounds, i will never again carry home a wee print excited, i wouldnt want them to look back on if it went wrong again

 

[LuW]

The prints are going in an envelope, like straight away. All together then if I feel strong enough too I can look, but if I don't they'll stay there until baby's in my arms.

I know it was an early loss, especially when theres people like yourself and your baby, I'm just extremely paranoid and keep shouting at myself for getting excited over trying again because I know it's liekly to take us quite a while and I know that not every pregnancy means a baby. I just pray that when this baby's al safe and snuggle they'll let me know this time lol!! Well I'll be looking out for symptoms and testing but still.


XXX

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

for me the URGE to get pregnant again has passed a wee bit. I would really like Jasper to have another bro or sis very soon but i feel like it can happen in its own time a bit now!

still going to be POAS lots because i am quite interested by what my body is doing but a break might not be a bad thing

 

[LuW]

We like really want another go now, just poor timing with his work.

But we'll be at 10months since Billie when L comes home. and if we don't get an R&R baby it'll be like 14-15 months after Billie before we can try again. But think if it runs into next year then we'll try for 6months, if no luck I'm booking us a week away somewhere really expensive and relaxing so we can just get away. Then we'll carry on actively trying when we get home lol!

Just wish he was home more =[[[ Mainly because since coming back off bc I've been like a b*tch on heat but no L to entertain me =[[ It's boring being a military WAG lol!XX

 

[dyscochick]

Oh Lu I feel for you, I was a military WAG for a bit I'm so glad he's out now! Civvie life is far more family friendly!

I never bought anything but had started calling it smudge (daft really but when I showed OH what it looked like when we got BFP he called it a little smudge and it stuck), although its not a proper name, at 11 weeks when I mc'd that was its name, and now when I do fall again, it won't be a smudge, it will be something else. I'd resisted buying stuff, which I'm glad about, but the odd baby book etc still get to me. Can't wait to TTC after xmas (timing so that i might be pregnant at the wedding just not ready to drop!). Like Fi I had a real need to TTC immediately after, that has eased but the longing hasn't, I should be 27 weeks now and it never leaves me.

 

[LuW]

I want him out but with things the way they are and he isn't a very confident lad but this promotion has done him the world of good. Stuck between a rock and a hard place - Want him back for good, no jobs that hes qualified for and would enjoy. I know they'll pay for his training but in that time he isn't getting a wage so =[ it's crap.

Then again I wouldn't know him if he wasn't in the army ...... Think I'm officially sick of people saying 'oh I know how you feel, my husband/boyfriend/whatever went to (whatever country) with (family/friends/work) for 2weeks and it was hell' when they find out he's on tour. It's like you really have no idea. loll!! Its usually people who call themselves my friends loll! XXX

 

[dyscochick]

hehe I KNOW that feeling. so many people made out it would be fine, and I was like he's going on ship for 6 months with precious little communication, I spent the whole time clutching my phone cos he would be able to call occasionally on a sat phone if they had signal and if he could get through and you could guarantee I'd be in the loo at that precise moment. Everyone downplayed it, most of them couldn't cope when their OH was away for a night or two, let alone 6 months!! I will ALWAYS be grateful to have him around having been through that, and always feel for those girls who aren't as lucky as me and have to do it alone for months at a time!

 

[LuW]

Oh my phones been like glued to my hand ever since he went, and I'm like ALWAYS online just incase he managed to get on for like 10mins or so.

He was based in germany before this too so every second we get to even see each other is so precious to us because we don't know when we'll see each other again. FX that he gets and keeps a UK posting next year though. I think my mums trying to understand but she doesn't quite get why I get so upset missing his calls because we were in a supermarket or she'd asked me to drive or whatever.

We know we've picked the worst time ever to go again but theres the way we are. Once we've set our minds to something thats it.

Really wish he could be home for Billie's birthday but thanks to some prat pulling rank his leave got moved to Nov. I'm just glad he's coming home and I know we've such a short space of time and wit my slightly erractic cycles, not the best of chances, but it does happen!!

Not been able to speak to him yt over getting Billie something because he's been on 24 hour guard so not been able to even get on for a quick chat yet. xxxxxxx

 

[dyscochick]

one thing i loved about OH and his mates (all officers, none with kids) was that for them those with kids getting leave or r&r when they needed it for family reasons what a priority, what a pains one guy pulled rank, so unfair! Last year was the first xmas he had off cos he took dutys to cover people with kids before he left. hope you get to speak to him soon. xxx

 

[LuW]

Oh he's been like that! the one year he actually wants christmas because his 'family' are tools and I honestly believe they don't give a crap about any of their children, he never bothered to go home so always covered those with kids.

This Easter was the first he's not been on guard for in 4 years service lol! The one thing he ever asked anyone for wile being there was to be able to be home for Billie's birthday and they agreed let him have it, then 2 days into the tou he went to double check the dates and it had been moved after him having Jan comfimed. He's been fuming with his officer ever since. I think he's more pissed because it' not even as though he asked for christmas off which obvs is the popular one for those with families. He wanted to wait back and be on of the last to go on leave.

He isn't the only one affected though. One of his friends had his leave all set and comfirmed and his girlfriend had flights booked to come over for two weeks from australia. and his leave was pushed back a week so unless they can move her flight for whatever fee, they'll only have a week. So he's obvs fuming too. Think it's awful that they're all being messed around like that =[[

 

[dyscochick]

oh bless him, what a gem. can totally imagine why he's cross at being mucked around, v out of order of his CO. Its awful! as if being out there wasn't bad enough anyway! Big hugs hun

 

[LuW]

Thanks hun... Think one of my christmas presents off him has just arrived... So entertained myself for like 15mins and made the Courier behind on her deliveries with his Surname =D LOVE IT!

FX I get to talk to him tonight.... he's moving camps after R&R so hopefully he'll be able to chat more because he'll just be a mechanic then no guard or anything else anymore =D loll!! XXX

 

[dyscochick]

haha, fab! fingers crossed on the new camp and a condo tonight, just a few words are so precious xxx

 

[LuW]

lots of Fingers crossed for everything recently!! lol!! xxx