Do your parents always have a go at your DH?

[Julia]

Hi Everyone!

I have two children (2 years and 6 weeks). My parents have never really liked my DH (I think it is the old thing of him not being goo enough for me). I am an only child and so they are really focussed on me. They are always having a go at him (sometimes they are right, other times for no reason). It really makes me sad.
1) They say that he should not work until he does (he gets in between 5pm and 7pm - he is an assistant head teacher and has a big work load).
2) They don't like him going to the gym (this is his hobby, and I also go when I can).
3) They don't like him playing football
4) They say he is moody (he is moody and admits to this)
5) They say he does not do enough house work or do enough with the children (he hoovers more than me and tidies the house, does some of the washing and will do anything else I ask without complaining)
6) They don't like him having the TV on when they come around.
7) They complain about him going to the pub with his friends (once a week)

And YES - I get annoyed with some of these things sometimes - but what man does not like doing the above things? He does take advantage on occasions and I get mad with him but compared to some blokes, he is great!

They are not rude to him and there have not been any arguments but they just go onto me (dropping hints etc).

Is anyone else in this position? I would love them to get on but it is not going to happen now - too far down the line!

Julia xxxxx

 

[NickyB]

Oh gosh, you're in a difficult situation. My DH is moody, and works/plays on the computer all the time, he has the TV when people come over and stuff. I'm allowed to criticise him (well, sort of) but I think your parents are being a bit unkind. IMHO they should keep schtum and be happy you have a loving partner to you and a good dad to your kids, perhaps trying to focus on the great things he does instead.

 

[Becky]

I'm in the lucky position where my parents love my OH but if they didn't I would expect them to shut up about it, especially when he's the father of your children! I mean it's fair enough to say once but to carry on when you're clearly happy with him is a bit unfair on you.

Maybe next time they say something tell them that yes you know he has his faults but so do you and the important thing is that you love each other and you'd appreciate it if they stopped being so critical.

 

[Lou]

I wouldn't tell them your business, that way they have nothing to pass comment on!

 

[Krystal]

If I was your OH i'd be pissed off! It has absolutely nothing to do with them. Any of those things, in fact most of those things you don't even have a right to be pissed off about tbh as he doesn't sound like he takes the piss. Poor bloke. I'd tell your parents to stop dropping hints or making comments. Many a relationship has failed due to interfering family members.

 

[Lou]

Sometimes though, and I've done it myself, you can have an argument with OH then tell your parents or mates about them and slag them off but then when you have made up with OH the people you slagged him off to still remember what you told them and hold a grudge. I've learnt my lesson with that one I can tell you!

 

[Krystal]

Sometimes though, and I've done it myself, you can have an argument with OH then tell your parents or mates about them and slag them off but then when you have made up with OH the people you slagged him off to still remember what you told them and hold a grudge. I've learnt my lesson with that one I can tell you!

Yeah I agree

 

[Julia]

Thanks so much for your support,

So, I am right, they are being too critical! Me and my folks have always had a very close relationship and I think this could be it - they may only want the very best for me! It is not a complete nightmare situation but just a bot awkward! I find myself covering for him all the time so they don't think badly of him.

There are times when everything is fine....

My mum can talk the hin leg off a donkey and yet my DH does not have long conversations with her - she finds this difficult. Basically, with my DH, it is a case of "a spade's a spade!". This is where they clash!

Any other thoughts welcome!

Julia xxxx

 

[Lou]

I think maybe you will have to gently remind them that he is your husband and the father of your children so if they don't mind could they please show him some respect, for being their daughters husband and grandchildrens father if nothing else. You don't want the children to pick up on the fact their grandparents don't like their dad, that wouldn't be very nice for them. I remember when I was little I thought all my family loved me and eachother, its only now as an adult I realise alot of my family have no time whatsoever for me or eachother. I am gratefull though that they at least had the decency to hide it from me as a child, I would have been heartbroken if I'd realised someone in my family didn't like me or my mum and dad!

I know your situation isn't that extreme, just annoying, but I'd try and nip it in the bud if it is bothering you. And as for your grumpy OH maybe he needs reminding that a relationship with you parents is a two way street!

 

[Julia]

Thanks, Lou...

Yes - I have told him in the past to make an effort and he generally does. I don't think he realises just HOW critical they are of him. He will say things like "my game was called off on Saturday - I am gutted". I will sit there cringing because I know that my mum will be thinking "you should never be playing football when you have a family!". He has also told them that he is excited about buying a football club season ticket (he is only going to go to the big games) - they hate the fact that he has a season ticket!!

Oh - it is all beyond me!!

Julia xxxxx

 

[Lou]

Let them sort it out amongst themselves hun I know its horrible when you know what other people are thinking about him when he is sat there but he is probably sat there thinking mean stuff about them too! Its families for you

Try and blank it out, as long as you are happy at home thats all the really matters. Your mum and dad have raised their family so now its your turn to raise yours and they have to come first

 

[Julia]

Thanks, Lou,

You have made me feel much better about the whole situation...I think this knid of thing goes on all the time in families. Alot of my friend's parents just don't tell them how they feel about their DHs - mine tell me out right!!

Julia xxx

 

[Lou]

Thanks, Lou,

You have made me feel much better about the whole situation...I think this knid of thing goes on all the time in families. Alot of my friend's parents just don't tell them how they feel about their DHs - mine tell me out right!!

Julia xxx

Glad you feel better