Depressed

[amandapanda]

I don't really know why but since I've come out of hospital I've begun to feel really depressed. When I was in all I wanted was to get home, but now I'm home I feel so low, I cry all the time and I have no interest in anything. I got used to not using the internet whilst I was in and now Facebook and even here to some extent holds no interest for me. I thought I would be so excited to finally be given the opportunity to get prepared and do some online baby shopping but I've looked a couple of times but for some reason can't get round to ordering anything.

I feel angry and let down by people and I expect that is in my head and due to this depression but the feelings are still here. I feel angry at facebook cause it is full of fake people who don't give a shit about you in real life,I'm angry at my husband cause he let me down when I was in hospital by constantly being angry at me and stressing me and not putting me and the baby first, I'm angry at alot of friends cause they didn't bother to visit and kept making excuses about not coming, I'm angry at the pastor from my church and his wife cause he made no effort to visit me whilst I was in hospital and then when I was home they visited me, bringing me a bag of rotten fruit and telling me that my faith isn't big enough and I shouldn't have a pity party. I'm angry at my workmates because apart from one friend who has been really supportive off her own back, the rest have done nothing and not even sent me a card. I could go on.......

I feel very alone, in a strange way I miss being in hospital...something about the routine of the day and feeling safe there....although when I was in there all I wanted was to get out!! I don't know what's going on really - I should be so happy that I'm out of hospital after being told I would be in there 10 weeks. But I feel like everything has been sucked out of me, I feel no joy or interest in anyone or anything....I love it when my baby kicks but that's about the only thing that makes me smile these days....

 

[megsmeadow]

Amanda it sounds like you are on a rollercoaster just now! Have you spoken to your midwife or OH about how you are feeling or has anyone sensed you are not yourself? I think it is really important to share your thoughts with someone as it may be antenatal depression. I found myself weeding out the 'dead wood', and I now only have time for my true friends as priorities change so much and it can be quite a realisation that these hangers on are holding you back. I had read before that even though you are home you are still very limited in what you are allowed to do, and maybe that has had a big impact on how you're feeling. A loss of independence, routine, safety can really have a profound effect. Hope you are feeling more like yourself soon.

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

I can't say I know how you feel because I haven't been pregnant before, but I have been through depression phases in my life and I still do from time to time. Could this not just be a phase? Your hormones are obviously hitting the roof and with the negative things going on around you, it's no doubt going to have affect on your feelings. I would certainly be depressed if I was in your shoes. I say just think about yourself and your baby for a few days, don't stress about other people because if they can't make the effort, there really isn't any point getting upset over them. Just think about you and your baby boy, chill out, relax, take things how you want to take them. You are pregnant afterall! You should be able to do anything you want, whenever you want. Let yourself settle back into your home, it was a drastic change in routine and freedom so you need to just settle back down to how things were before you went into Hospital.

Enjoy the weekend and the week ahead
I'm pretty sure your little boy is even saying, "I don't blame you mum".
xxx

 

[Skysara]

It could be a hospital thing, when I came out after Christmas i had a complete meltdown at my OH on the way home. I think I felt very vulnerable and didnt think anyone cared either, work didnt even send a card or text and I felt very alone.
It should wear off hun xx

 

[pinkymum]

Hey hun,

Well firstly I agree with meg, it would be good to talk to your mw or doctor, or even your OH and try to get him to understand how you are feeling. You've been through alot the last few weeks and I don't think anyone gets pregnant and fully expects there to be complications so its a shock to the system and added worry when there is. Sounds like coming home was a big anti climax. I think its good that you can recognise that the let down feelings might not be true and may well be clouded by how you are feeling. I know when I feel depressed I'm very sensitive and its harder for me to be rational. So I tend to think people don't care or things that people say I will take to heart much more than I would when my mood is fine. And sometimes people are damn insensitive but its trying to manage how much what people say and do affect you - I've worked on that alot, still do. But at the same time your feelings are still there and they are valid!

You have probably gotten used to the hospotal envirnoment and that makes sense to, I know the times I've been in hospital where there's routine and people around 24, and then I've come home and felt a bit lost and onmy own with things. So what I'm trying to say (I think) is thatits understandable that you're feeling depressed, especially just now as what you can do is limited and the consultant was concerned about you being on your own. Your pastors comments annoyed me but then I'm just reading it on here lol. Is your OH supportive? I know he works away in London. But defo talk to mw/gp and OH.

Thinking of you! And text me if you want to chat (can't promise that I'll always reply straight away)

*hugs*
x

 

[Lexusno1]

Hun, I think you've been through so much lately that you are bound to feel this way. Times like this you honestly find out who your real friends and family to some extent are.

I actually stopped using Facebook just after Xmas due to the exact same reason. People have so much to say on there yet f**k all in real life. These are the same people who will want to shove their big faces in your pushchair when your little man is here to which they need to be told to move away.

It's hurtful what you've been through and even more so that your hubby had to play a part in that hurt.

As for your pastor....PLEASE don't even get me started! Things like that is the reason I left church. All of the hypocrisy makes my blood boil. I'm sure if it was his wife in hospital weekly requests for prayer to keep her spirits up and strength would be flooding through the congregation. How the hell could you be accused of feeling sorry for yourself when your worried scared and alone not knowing what's going to happen with your baby??? I honestly hope you told them how you felt Amanda or if you didn't that you will. They shouldn't be able to treat people like that. They may think they are but they're not above you or any closer to God than you so have no right to talk that mess to you about your faith not being strong enough. As you can tell, very sore subject for me but long story short, don't listen to them and feeling down DOES NOT mean your faith is weak or that you are weak for that matter.

This is something I reckon you will just have to go through and if it's getting too much, speak to your midwife. Also, don't sit on how u feel. If people have pissed you off, let u down or upset you, tell them. If nothing else, you'll feel better for speaking your mind.

Much love to you babe xxx

 

[mumofmany]

oh hun, its so hard when you get out of hospital and it does make you see who makes the effort and who doesn't, when i was in with my 3rd my mum made a rota so i always had visitors but my youngest brother never came now i was there fpor 11 weeks so surely he and his girlfriend could have managed to find one day out of all them, they visited me when i got out and they said because she was pregnant too she was scared to visit me incase same happened to her, waters breaking isn;t catching and i didn't feel very supported by them who normally my brother would be there for me. my in laws never visited either not once, when i first got home i felt very like you, i had made going home such a big thing but when it wasn;t it was a bit of a let down, it didn't last long for me but i ended up having my baby early so didn;t spend long at home afterwards without my baby so i cant help with timing,. but just wanted to say i think its normal, plus you make friends in there i found and i missed them when i came home and they were left there. the routine youy miss aswell. I hope you come out the other end sooner rather than later.

 

[pinkymum]

Hun, I think you've been through so much lately that you are bound to feel this way. Times like this you honestly find out who your real friends and family to some extent are.

I actually stopped using Facebook just after Xmas due to the exact same reason. People have so much to say on there yet f**k all in real life. These are the same people who will want to shove their big faces in your pushchair when your little man is here to which they need to be told to move away.

It's hurtful what you've been through and even more so that your hubby had to play a part in that hurt.

As for your pastor....PLEASE don't even get me started! Things like that is the reason I left church. All of the hypocrisy makes my blood boil. I'm sure if it was his wife in hospital weekly requests for prayer to keep her spirits up and strength would be flooding through the congregation. How the hell could you be accused of feeling sorry for yourself when your worried scared and alone not knowing what's going to happen with your baby??? I honestly hope you told them how you felt Amanda or if you didn't that you will. They shouldn't be able to treat people like that. They may think they are but they're not above you or any closer to God than you so have no right to talk that mess to you about your faith not being strong enough. As you can tell, very sore subject for me but long story short, don't listen to them and feeling down DOES NOT mean your faith is weak or that you are weak for that matter.

This is something I reckon you will just have to go through and if it's getting too much, speak to your midwife. Also, don't sit on how u feel. If people have pissed you off, let u down or upset you, tell them. If nothing else, you'll feel better for speaking your mind.

Much love to you babe xxx

Totally agree with you on through pastor issue! This is the kind of stuff that also makes my blood boil about the hypocrisy of some Christians. After years in a born again Christian cult it just angers me the whole lot of it.
X

 

[midnight]

aww hun i just wanted to give you and more
i think because everything was going so well then bang their is major risk to both you and your baby it kinda makes you grieve for the healthy uncomplicated pregnancy you had just a few weeks before iykwim i know when i bled on my last pg it made me feel like i was walking on egg shells all the way through even though they said nothing was wrong i couldnt relax and basically could not wait till the pregnancy was over, you might feel a bit anxious at being at home away from the safety of an emergancy team at the hospital should anything happen making being at home not fun at all, times like this you find out who your feel friends are and tbh i have only 1 actual friend that i know would be there if i needed her the rest of them well they really are just there in the background, i wont comment on the pastor as i dont go to church so dont know how it works

i hope things pick up for you soon and the people you need support from pull their fingers out of their arses xxx

 

[Kandle]

Hey Amanda. I understand how you feel. I had a real meltdown a few weeks ago and have not been through anything like you have. I found that taking some time out to reconnect with myself and my baby was really helpful. I found it helpful to recognise and allow myself to feel the way that i felt, even if that was terrible, if you know what I mean. Anyway, just wanted to send my thoughts and hope you start feeling better soon. Take care, lovely.xx

 

[laurenhayward]

I'm sending big hugs Amanda, I agree with the others you should talk to your midwife or doctor about how you are feeling, even if it is just to get it off your chest.

It's true that you find out who your real friends are when going through something like that and you just need to concentrate on looking after yourself and your boy. I know it's hard but try not let it get you down. x

 

[Cantstop]

Hi hun. You've been through a lot! Lots of ups and downs, it's understandable you would be feeling a bit all over the place and down, and that will be making you feel more extremely about the way other people have treated you. On the same token though, sounds like most people have kind of let you down and been a bit selfish. Whether you speak to your midwife and OH or not, I hope you start to feel a bit more 'up' about things soon

 

[amandapanda]

Thanks all. Still feeling really low but will just have to see how it goes I guess x

 

[jodied]

Sending you a big Amanda - congrats on reaching 30 weeks xx

 

[Esoames]

After my section I felt exact the same. I felt safe, and I had support around me. Going home I realised I was on my own (although I'm married my dh is useless)

It's not fair to you or your LO to feel like this and the "support network" is letting you down. You need to tell them what you need.

You won't feel like this forever, once baby is here you will be a mummy with someone to love and adore and will never judge you or intentionally upset you.

Take care of yourself xx

 

[Rósa]

Sorry you are feeling this way Amanda, you need to speak to someone, or vent on here, You made it to 30 weeks now, which a few weeks ago you probably thought you wouldn't, hang in there hun, you will have a little one soon and all will be worth it xx

 

[Miss]

Amanda - I have been sat here this morning feeling the same way and I know I am only feeling this way because I have time to think (my son had a sleep over last night and my OH is at work) I have nothing to occupie(sp?) myself. But those people....they are not real friends. I am sorry your OH is acting like a plank tho.

Please talk to your doctor or Midwife - feeling alone is the worst feeling in the world x

 

[xshauna_bazx]

Sorry your having such a tough time, i feel like that with everyone too. I have no real friends and i have worked that one out now...just me and my family from now on. Hope you feel better soon just think not long until the baby is here xxx

 

[smess26]

So sorry I missed.this hun. Hope your ok how you doing now x x

 

[amandapanda]

Thanks all, I have been feeling abit brighter since Sunday but am still a little fragile - hubby went back to London today so am all on my own now,which makes me feel sad but have stuff to do and he's back Friday night anyway. Just want him here with me all the time now!! he's really trying his hardest to find work here so fingers crossed it will happen soon - it better be before the birth!!! My sister came to visit on Sunday and bought me loads of baby goodies and that really perked me up. Have my scan tomorrow and review with consultant - but have had no more bleeding for over 2 weeks now so am hoping it will all be fine.

Thanks for all your kind messages, hopefully I will continue to perk up and the worst is over xxxx