amandapanda
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- Oct 16, 2010
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I don't really know why but since I've come out of hospital I've begun to feel really depressed. When I was in all I wanted was to get home, but now I'm home I feel so low, I cry all the time and I have no interest in anything. I got used to not using the internet whilst I was in and now Facebook and even here to some extent holds no interest for me. I thought I would be so excited to finally be given the opportunity to get prepared and do some online baby shopping but I've looked a couple of times but for some reason can't get round to ordering anything.
I feel angry and let down by people and I expect that is in my head and due to this depression but the feelings are still here. I feel angry at facebook cause it is full of fake people who don't give a shit about you in real life,I'm angry at my husband cause he let me down when I was in hospital by constantly being angry at me and stressing me and not putting me and the baby first, I'm angry at alot of friends cause they didn't bother to visit and kept making excuses about not coming, I'm angry at the pastor from my church and his wife cause he made no effort to visit me whilst I was in hospital and then when I was home they visited me, bringing me a bag of rotten fruit and telling me that my faith isn't big enough and I shouldn't have a pity party. I'm angry at my workmates because apart from one friend who has been really supportive off her own back, the rest have done nothing and not even sent me a card. I could go on.......
I feel very alone, in a strange way I miss being in hospital...something about the routine of the day and feeling safe there....although when I was in there all I wanted was to get out!! I don't know what's going on really - I should be so happy that I'm out of hospital after being told I would be in there 10 weeks. But I feel like everything has been sucked out of me, I feel no joy or interest in anyone or anything....I love it when my baby kicks but that's about the only thing that makes me smile these days....
I feel angry and let down by people and I expect that is in my head and due to this depression but the feelings are still here. I feel angry at facebook cause it is full of fake people who don't give a shit about you in real life,I'm angry at my husband cause he let me down when I was in hospital by constantly being angry at me and stressing me and not putting me and the baby first, I'm angry at alot of friends cause they didn't bother to visit and kept making excuses about not coming, I'm angry at the pastor from my church and his wife cause he made no effort to visit me whilst I was in hospital and then when I was home they visited me, bringing me a bag of rotten fruit and telling me that my faith isn't big enough and I shouldn't have a pity party. I'm angry at my workmates because apart from one friend who has been really supportive off her own back, the rest have done nothing and not even sent me a card. I could go on.......
I feel very alone, in a strange way I miss being in hospital...something about the routine of the day and feeling safe there....although when I was in there all I wanted was to get out!! I don't know what's going on really - I should be so happy that I'm out of hospital after being told I would be in there 10 weeks. But I feel like everything has been sucked out of me, I feel no joy or interest in anyone or anything....I love it when my baby kicks but that's about the only thing that makes me smile these days....