Feeling down today about my brother :(

[Strangeness]

I am feeling so low at this moment because of my little brother. I haven't seen him for nearly 3 years now and it's his 6th birthday on the 15th November. He's my half brother from my Dad's new marriage. 3 years ago just after my birthday I went to visit my dad in North Yorkshire. It was a long way to go but me and my sister decided we should make the effort so we went. For years my dad has had a rocky relationship with all of his children mostly my sister. I think that it's mainly down to jealousy with her because she has done so well for herself but he just puts her down non stop. My dad is an alcoholic, he won't admit he has a problem so he thinks it's normal. He goes to work (as a lorry driver) out of his face at 8am! When my little brother was 3 months old he was admitted to hospital with breathing problems when me and my sister arrived to pick my dad up to go see my little brother he made us stop at the off licence and he got a half bottle of vodka and downed it. It was 9am.

Anyway when we got to my dad's he was a complete arsehole! He started on both me and my sister and said some awful things. Things you should never ever say to your own children! He was drunk as usual and I told my sister I wanted to leave. She said we would leave the next morning but when we got up my little brother was so excited we were there we just couldn't leave! The next day was fine but the day after he went off on one again for no reason. Called us selfish etc. I have never really stood up to my dad but that day he was awful to my sister and I just lost it. I said some horrible things to him and we left. My little brother was in absolute pieces because he just wanted his sister's. I gave him all of my sweets that I had bought and we left. That was the last I saw of him

My dad hasn't contacted me since that day and I don't want him back in my life ever but I miss my little brother like mad! None of them know I'm married and have a son and I want my little brother to be an uncle! I just can't speak to my dad again though because of all the hurt. I don't want Aaron knowing him but I would love my little brother to know he even exists but it would mean speaking to my dad again. I'm just realy upset again because it's nearly his birthday

Sorry for the long post just needed to put this somewhere.

 

[gingerpig]

Maybe you could try family mediation to get a message through to your little brother?

I have two (recovering) alcoholics in the family. One I spoke to quite a bit whilst she was still drinking as her mum (my aunt) died. It was pretty awful to be fair, manipulative, incoherant and really upsetting to see. Must be awful knowing your brother is being exposed to this as well I'm not sure how much there is you can actually do, apart from use professional services to get a message through, but as your brother is still very young, they may not be able to do anything. Does the company your dad works for know that he is a drinker? I know how deceptive alcoholics are, but it strikes me that he is a huge risk behind the wheel of one of those lorries (I'm sure you will have thought this too).

Good luck, it sounds like a really awful situation to be in, and I hope your little brother is coping ok

 

[Strangeness]

That's what I think hurts the most is knowing he's going through what I went through as a kid but now my dad is even worse! My dad changes his job every other week by the sounds of it, he does agency work a lot so I doubt they'll catch him. I'm so scared he'll crash and hurt someone! I don't think I will be able to speak to my brother until he's old enough to decide he wants to speak to me. I just don't want him to think I have abandoned him My dad won't get help because he won't admit there is a problem. All the time though all I can think is that my brother is suffering. He's all alone really he's got 4 brother's and 2 sister's but we're all in our 20's or 30's. I just want to take him away and protect him because I know he's gonna end up with the hate we all have for our dad.

 

[Tara & Liam]

have you any relationship with your brothers mum, could you contact him through her. or you may have to wait until he is a little older.

maybe you can offer to look after him for a weekend or something.

good luck hun

 

[Hypnorm]

Is there any chance he could be in danger, if he is moody like that to you, could he be changable with your brother.
You could always contact social services.. it always depends on how serious the situation and if theres any risk to the kid.

 

[Strangeness]

I don't think he's in danger. My dad would never hit him I don't think, he never hit any of us but I don't know what the family situation is like now as I haven't spoken to them for 3 years. I have no relationship with my step mum, she was fine with slagging me and my sister off too so she's just as bad. I'm pretty sure I will just have to wait and hope he'll forgive me and understand why I couldn't be there for him

 

[Hypnorm]

Is there any way of getting a letter though to him.
Via the school or at home.

As he gets older he might get resentful towards you, and wonder why you deserted him.

Difficult to know what to suggest, there must be a way of seeing him, you have a right as you are his sister.

Why do some 'adults' need more treatment than kids.

I hope you get it sorted, and i hope you get to see your brother, you deserve to see him and to see him grow up even a couple of times a year.

Good luck

 

[Madi's Daddy]

i feel for ya, i'm i know what its like to have alcoholics in the family, my (ex) step dad was and still is a drunk and will be till the day he dies (pretty soon i hope lol), i'd had enough of it by time i was a teen and ended up throwing him out when i was 15, also my cousin recently died due to drink rotting her liver, she was only in her 30's

plus i dont see my little sisters and brother on my dads side, not because of drink (well maybe a little) but because hes a complete twat, i only met him when i was 18 and really wish i'd never bothered looking for him, its not all his fault tho, i'm sure he'd be a nice guy if he wasnt married to a sychopathic brazilian women lol, she nearly killed one of my mates by smashing him in the head repeatedly with a solid marble ornament (she's an alcoholic), i dont miss them 2 one bit but i miss the kids, i havent even met my youngest brother yet and i think he's about 1 now but then again he dont know about madi and probably never will

 

[Strangeness]

Wow sounds like you've had just as much of a time of it as I have! I'm the same as you I really don't give a crap about my dad I'd never say this about anyone but if he died I really wouldn't care for all the hell he has put my family through. There is only so much mental abuse you can take. My mum was a wreck when she was with my dad, he killed her confidence and she wasn't her own person anymore but now he's gone she's a whole new woman! My mum wouldn't even go out for a meal with us before now she's got a job, going on holiday tomorrow (3rd one of the year) and she's just so strong now and happy! I'll never forgive him for what he did to her mostly because she had to put up with him it finally took an affair for her to tell him to get out and she has never looked back thank god! It's just my little brother I miss. I think about writing to him or something but I know my dad will try to have contact with me again and I just can't handle that especially now I have my own baby and husband to think of. I don't want them ever knowing first hand what I went through and if I speak to him again they will know. My brother has started speaking to my dad again as he has had a baby with his girlfriend but he's only been to see her once in 8 months and let my brother down as usual. I think my brother thought it would be different when his daughter arrived, like my dad would actually care but he doesn't give a damn. I have never hated someone so much in my life as him. As they say once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, he'll never change and he'll never see us because of it.