Crying for 1 minute...

[tinkerbates]

Hi Ladies,

Well you may have seen my other posts which mention Joey having decided over the last 3 nights that he is just not going to go down to sleep. He generally falls asleep during his last feed, we put him down, 20 mins later he wakes hysterical and refuses to go back down.

I have now done 2 nights sat up all night holding him. On the advice of a couple of frineds, tonight we are trying the 'let him cry for 1 minute, settle him, put him back, leave the room. Repeat as necessary' technique.

Has anyone done this? Does it work? and how many attempts did it take? I am finding it very hard! xx

 

[l_maclean]

This is a technique called Controlled Crying, the theory is your meant to let the time get longer so they "learn"

IMO it basically teaches them it's not worth crying cos no one cares enough to come.

I can't see how old your LO is but even advocates of CC don't advise it under months.

There will be ladies on here who say it worked for them, you have to show them who's boss etc. but if your finding it hard it's because it's against your natural instincts as a mother.

There is also evidence to suggest that this type of technique raises levels of stress hormones, which can contribute to mental health problems later in life.


On my iPhone - so cant see tickers

 

[littlemonkey]

Your LO is far too young for controlled crying or letting them cry it out. Even then it should only be considered when all other avenues have been explored and haven't worked.

My first thought is that cos LO is falling asleep on the bottle, he might still be hungry when he wakes up 20 mins later. Have you tried feeding him again? If he likes falling asleep on the bottle it is probably a good idea to try a dummy as well. My son likes cherry dummies and hates all others!

Try swaddling him, even in just a muslin cloth in this heat and putting something that smells of you in his bed.

Look at where he is sleeping, is it possible he just doesn't like it? If I recall correctly, is it your LO who sleeps in the carry cot/pram? My LO hated his carry cot, would scream the place down as soon as he was in it, even at night. I think it was possibly too small for him, but it was also quite dark as well which I don't think he liked. He had no problems sleeping at night in his moses basket tho. Even then he got too big for that quickly! Where does LO sleep? Is there any noise etc that could be disturbing him or upsetting him in the room?

Do you do any kind of bed time routine? It was about that age we started taking LO up to the bed room to get changed, gave his last feed in the bed room (in bed with me at the time actually) and the I would cuddle him to sleep. We also stopped taking him out of the bed room at night to be fed and changed. I gave night feeds in bed, which were all comfy and cosy and he nodded off quickly afterwards as soon as we started that.

Have you considered co-sleeping? I'm not a fan, but personally I would consider this before letting him cry it out.

Is your LO actually tired? We didn't try to put LO up to bed for the night until we recognised that after a certain time he would be asleep and no matter what you did he wouldn't wake up after falling asleep. It was 9pm, but is gradually moving earlier. If I ever tried to put him down before that time, even if he was 'asleep' he would wake up shortly afterwards.

How does your LO sleep in the day? Is it also difficult to put him down in the day? Does he sleep a lot in the day? There are those who don't advocate waking babies in the day or having them up for long periods, but my baby is awake a lot in the day and sleeps right through at night, so I'm an advocate of not letting baby sleep too much in the day. Although in my son's case its a mission to get him to sleep in the day!

Look at medical reasons why your LO might not settle. Babies who have reflux etc like to be held and find it difficult to lie down flat cos it brings stomach acid back up. Try putting where they sleep on an angle.

I know it's easy for me to say as I haven't had to sit up with LO in the night for a long time (this is a night feed for me these days), but I wouldn't even consider letting LO cry it out without trying everything else for a while first. These things won't necessarily work overnight, but give it time and they should help LO settle.

 

[clairebear22]

Very good advice above!

I'm not a fan of CC or CIO at any age.

I'd defo try a dummy if he's falling asleep on the bottle or as he's falling asleep move about a bit to keep him awake enough to drink more or wind him or change his nappy maybe to wake him up enough to drink more? My Harry quite often falls asleep on his bedtime bottle but wriggling the bottle teat and me changing position helps him to finish it x

 

[Leah04x]

Can't offer much more advice than the other ladies have above, but I think 8 weeks is too young to consider CC.

Ethan usually has a little moan/whinge before he goes to sleep, so I just leave him to it. But if he gets properly upset, I go up to him straight away and stay with him until he gets off to sleep. He is a lot older than your LO though.

I would use CC as a very last resort and a lot later than 8 weeks. At such a young age, he wouldn't be crying for nothing. Hope things improve for you soon! Xxx

 

[Roo3]

Cc shouldn't be done before 6 months. I have done cc in the past but only when all other avenues have been explored.
I agree that maybe try to give him more milk, and a dummy and see if that helps him settle.

 

[l_maclean]

8 weeks is definitely far far too young. Even the "experts" who promote this will say that.

Crying is the only way this tiny little baby has to tell you there is a problem, and he needs you to figure out what it is.
Regardless of what anyone else says he will NOT be crying just for attention. He will need something, even if its just reassurance that the one person he knows best, his mummy, isn't disappearing.


Remember at 8 weeks old your little one was joined to you for 5 TIMES LONGER than he has been in this big scary world.


On my iPhone - so cant see tickers

 

[leesey]

Can't express enough how controlled crying damages babies not only emotionally, but in their brain development as well. Especially so at such a young age. Please please please ignore your friends and go with your instincts!! We were given instincts to pick up our babies when they cry for a reason!!

Perhaps have a look at the EASY routine. It's not perfect, but it does separate the feed from the sleeping so that your baby can break the habit of falling asleep on the bottle.

If it's the sucking he's enjoying, it's not the worst thing in the world to give a dummy for bedtime. I always swore I never would, but it's been magic for soothing really and is worth it for a good night's sleep knowing your baby is happy and not upset xx

 

[Emamay]

I don't think I'll ever be able to do controlled crying.

At about 8 weeks, we started getting Cay into bedtime routine. He always had a bottle at 6pm, so we decided to give him his bottle, play with him for about half hour, give him a bath about 7pm, massage, jammies, bed.
He now has dinner at 4:30, play for half hour, bath at 5:15, bed for 6pm.

We always put him to bed, put his mobile on, or sing to him, and once he's dopey (takes about 5 minutes), we leave him and he drifts off himself.
If he wakes, or doesn't drift off but starts shouting instead, one of us comes back up, sits/lays with him, and waits for him to calm down again.
We do not speak to him or touch him, just lay there right beside him so he can see us, and usually calms down (with duy popped in).
If he's really bad, we'll stroke an arm, or gently rub his belly for a minute.

I've never had to lift him back up.

Does that help at all? Xx

 

[Emamay]

Meant to say:

That way, he's not left alone when he's crying, but he's not getting "attention" either... He's just got the security of knowing we're there xx