controlled crying

[trixipaws]

my boyf really thinks we should do this. but it upsets me hearing our baby screaming, i just want to scoop her up and cuddle her!
who does this how long do u leave them for is it a good technique should i try to be stronger?
sorry for all the questions!

 

[Sammystar]

awww, she's probably still a bit young Trixipaws.

We put all of ours into a bedtime routine at 10 -12 weeks, and that's when we started the controlled crying.

We started with a couple of minutes, gradually builidng it up to five minutes.
One thing that works really well is if you go in and comfort them but don't actually pick them up. Once you've picked up you have to start the whole process again.

I saw a fantastic tip from GGG on another thread a few weeks ago. Stand at the head of the Moses basket/cot, so that LO has to look up to see you, this automnatically makes their little eyes roll and close. It really works too! I've tried it on Sam.

 

[LucyBee]

I agree with Sammy that it's probably a bit too young.
We used it on Tom at 5 months but I wish we'd done it earlier - at 3 months maybe.
We left him to cry but went in to check on him after 1 min, 2 mins, 5 mins, 10 mins, 20 mins etc. We just 'sshhhh'd' him and patted him but DIDN'T pick him up.
First night he cried solidly for an hour and it was heartbreaking. Second night half an hour, third night an hour again, fourth night 20 mins, fifth night about a min!
It does work but it's VERY hard on all of you so you have to be absolutely sure it's a road you want to go down and then stick with it rigidly until she's got the hang of it.
A lot of people don't agree with this method and I totally understand why. However, it does work and we were having a lot of trouble with Tom settling and that's now completely resolved.
Good luck!

 

[budge]

my boyf really thinks we should do this. but it upsets me hearing our baby screaming, i just want to scoop her up and cuddle her!
who does this how long do u leave them for is it a good technique should i try to be stronger?
sorry for all the questions!

i don't agree with controlled crying to the point of the child becoming really distressed. its like child abuse.

what i have done inthe past is sit by the cot and rub their backs going shhhhh and gradually make my way out the room during the course of a few nights.
i could never let them cry though for prolonged time

 

[LucyBee]

i don't agree with controlled crying to the point of the child becoming really distressed. its like child abuse.

Woh there! That's a bit harsh!

We took our GP's advice on this and were always sure to check on Tom regularly to make sure he was ok. As I say, it has worked for us and we have a healthy and happy little chap.

 

[budge]

its ok to a point but why let your child cry to the point of being hysterical. I don't agree with that. thats all i was saying.

 

[LucyBee]

Sorry Budge but to add to the above, controlled crying is just another method of parenting. If done with love and care, it can be very effective. There have been lots of books written on the subject and it doesn't have any long lasting psychological effects.

To suggest that it's like child abuse has really upset me. It is not something we rushed in to lightly. I did a lot of research on the subject and took advice. And, as I said, we did it carefully and with love.

 

[Sammystar]

I think the key is to never leave your child thinking he/she has been abandoned. I'm sure nobody does that anyway!
We never went more than five minutes without going in and giving reassurance. We just never picked the baby up once it was down.
It took between one and two weeks before the LO's learned to settle themselves.
I think it was well worth it for both them and us......

 

[monster_munch]

I was told to try this - but I was adament I wasn't going to until my daughter was old enough to understand, even in some small way, that I would come back.
To me, that meant 4 months old, and to be honest, by then, she had calmed down and was in a routine so I only used the technique once or twice.

In my opinion it works better now she's a toddler.

 

[LucyBee]

I think the key is to never leave your child thinking he/she has been abandoned.

I agree Sammy.

 

[lauramumof2]

my boyf really thinks we should do this. but it upsets me hearing our baby screaming, i just want to scoop her up and cuddle her!
who does this how long do u leave them for is it a good technique should i try to be stronger?
sorry for all the questions!

i don't agree with controlled crying to the point of the child becoming really distressed. its like child abuse.

what i have done inthe past is sit by the cot and rub their backs going shhhhh and gradually make my way out the room during the course of a few nights.
i could never let them cry though for prolonged time

Controlled crying though at no point advocates leaving them for a long period of time. Maybe 3 mins then 5 as they calm down.

I watched them do this on supernanny and was amazed that when I tried it myself there was a variation in the pitch and length of the cries.
I cant remember how I done it with jess, but do it right and it will work.
When you get to the point that you think this will never work, im going to lift them, that when you have to stay strong and not long after they are snoring their heads off.

 

[beanie]

I have not used CC, I used budge's method but I have read around this as my HV was always trying to get me to do it. I really wouldn't advise it though at the moment Trixi, especially if you are breastfeeding. At this age your baby just has the urge to feed and be close to mum, and crying is their way of telling you. She will sleep longer when she is ready to, her tummy is so small at this moment she needs regular feeds. Plus it could also affect your milk supply If it is something you do want top use then its said that it really shouldn't be used before the age of 8 months as before then babies have no idea of 'object permanence', so if its not there it doesn't exist. They don't understand that you will come back to them in 5 minutes.

If it isn't something you want to do there are loads of alternatives. Dr Sears is a big fave of mine.
http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/control.html
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp

 

[kellie80]

I used controlled crying on Aimee but not till she was 12 months old. It worked great but I personally wouldn't try it on a baby so young.

 

[Becky101]

I would advocate Dr Sears as well. I have their sleep book and it is really good. Also their Baby Book is my bible!

I am not a fan of allowing baby to cry it out either. Jack at the moment is sleeping really badly but definitely wouldn't use that method, I know he will eventually get back to a good routine again.

Maybe you should consider getting LO into a routine. Jack has a really good routine, he goes to sleep no problem but it is later that he wakes up again. Basically Bath, Bed clothes, Book, Boob then Bed!

Breastfed babies do wake more often because breast milk is more easily digestible and actually babies are programmed to wake up at night as a kind of 'safety valve' in case there is a problem.

 

[lauramumof2]

I am not a fan of allowing baby to cry it out either. Jack at the moment is sleeping really badly but definitely wouldn't use that method, I know he will eventually get back to a good routine again..

I think a lot of people are associating controlled crying with letting them cry it out which it is not. The baby isnt left for a while, you are going in and out the room at every break to reassure and comfort and you learn to read the signals

 

[beanie]

I would advocate Dr Sears as well. I have their sleep book and it is really good. Also their Baby Book is my bible!

I am not a fan of allowing baby to cry it out either. Jack at the moment is sleeping really badly but definitely wouldn't use that method, I know he will eventually get back to a good routine again.

Maybe you should consider getting LO into a routine. Jack has a really good routine, he goes to sleep no problem but it is later that he wakes up again. Basically Bath, Bed clothes, Book, Boob then Bed!

Breastfed babies do wake more often because breast milk is more easily digestible and actually babies are programmed to wake up at night as a kind of 'safety valve' in case there is a problem.

ooh I tread their sleep book. It helped keep me sane when all the other mums at mother and baby did their sleep competition "Johnny was putting himself to bed at 6 weeks and then bought me a cup of tea in bed" etc etc whereas Seren just kept waking. It really helped to make me realise I wasn't a crap mum.

 

[Becky101]

I'm sorry but I actually don't see a difference. Your baby cries for a reason and you want to react to it for a reason! If other people feel leaving their baby to cry is right for them then that is fine. All I am saying is it is not something I will be doing with Jack.

Beanie - yes I think their advice is great, they definitely advocate following your instincts and doing what you feel is right for you and your family. Once I accepted the fact that Jack was going to wake up at night, because that is what babies do then I actually stopped resenting it and I rather enjoy the closeness at night. They are not babies forever and soon we will all be wanting the 'snuggle' time back!

 

[LucyBee]

I can see both points of view and, whilst controlled crying (or 'crying down' as it's called for babies under 6 months) worked for us, I can understand why it's not for others.

Everyone parents in a different way and I think, ultimately, we're all trying our best whichever technique we try.

We try a little bit of everything I think. I have the Dr Sears books too and have learnt a lot from them.

I just took offence to the 'child abuse' comment. That was just a bit too harsh for me.

 

[Becky101]

That was what I was saying, that we all do what is right for our families.
What I like about Dr Sears is that they tell you to continue with what you are doing if it is working for you and your family they don't dictate that you should follow a certain routine just give you suggestions to change if you need to.

 

[missac]

Thomas gets so tired in the evening that he gets grizzly so when he goes to bed at half 6 - 7 he cries as soon as he goes in the cot, I let him, I don't think I am doing him any harm at all, he only does it for a few minutes and then he goes to sleep but I let him cry as if I went and picked him up constantly he would get so over tired he would never go to sleep. My mw/hv says it is good exercise for them to cry!! Not sure about that one but I know my dude and I know if he is wanting something or is just tired and I read him that way, through letting him have his moan in the evening he sleeps 12 hours, can't really complain!