Controlled crying/OH rant

[Bee7]

I know there was another thread about controlled crying a few days ago but i just need some clarification on it as me and OH had a blazing row about it last night. Basically Jack is getting into the habit of falling asleep on our chests and crying when we try and put him down in the moses basket. It really pisses OH off and he also doesn't like it when i pick him up from the moses basket when he cries. I will leave him for a few minutes if i know there's nothing wrong, but i'm not gonna just sit there and ignore him if he's screaming for hours. OH on the other hand seems to think that Jack is 'spoilt' and by picking him up we're setting a precedent for when he's older. He actually said that Jack knows what he's doing - personally i thought that a 6 week old baby doesn't really have the mental capacity to think like that. I could be wrong?

I'm getting sick of OH making out that he's such a bad baby. Yes he cries but he's six weeks old! He feeds well and sleeps fairly well at night but the way OH speaks you'd think he was some sort of devil child. Even if he was, OH is at work 80% of the time and i'm the one who has to deal with it, so if i can cope then why can't he? I know he loves Jack dearly but sometimes i think that he can only be bothered with him when he's behaving.

Anyone else got OH's like this? And am i right about the crying thing? I agree to a certain extent that picking him up every time he cries might not be wise as he gets older but is there really a problem with it now? xx

 

[tinks77]

Controlled crying is for babies over 6 months as they don't understand before then. You can't spoil a 6 week old baby with attention in my opinion

Many different opinions on it, we use it now and again. If she cries we leave her for 5 mins then go in a sooth her then your supposed to leave for 10 mins next time & 15 the next time etc

 

[clairebear22]

I'm not a fan of controlled crying, never have been. We've never let Jack cry at all when he naps/sleeps, we've always gone to him and cuddled him until he's calm. We're very very lucky though because Jack has always been a very chilled out baby and hardly ever cries. We rocked him for every single nap/sleep from day one and at 6 months started laying him in his cot awake for 5 mins and leaving the room. If he cred we went back in and rocked him off to sleep. Now at nearly 11 months we never have to rock him to sleep and he never cries when we leave him. He's fast asleep within 5 mins of being put down! Controlled crying works for lots of little ones but it wasn't for us.

Hope things get better for you x

 

[pinkyprincess]

People have too high a expectation of little babies! We didn't even think about putting Tyler down for naps until he was at least 12 weeks old and even then we went slowly and even now he's fed to sleep on my bed! I'm going to start letting him self settle soon, but if he cries he won't be left. Don't worry my OH is the same and gets really frustrated when Tyler moans in his cot!

 

[VikkiR]

I've read you can't spoil a 6 week old too xx

 

[BabyBrain]

Sometimes they have to be left to cry for a few moments, Albert always screams for a bottle when I'm on the loo lol. But there's no way I could bare it for any longer.

As his mum you hear the baby 3 times louder than anyone else does, you can thank your hormones for the super mummy senses lol. Your OH is being unreasonable, babies cry for a reason even if its just to know that the people they rely on the most are there. This is all part of their survival instinct and he won't understand being left to cry.

The only controlled crying that happens in our house is when Albert's crying he's fully in control lol

 

[Mrs N]

I dont agree with controlled crying at all, as baby brain said sometimes you have to let them cry to make a bottle or go to the loo but normally I dont think it should be done at any time!! I never let harrison cry if I can avoid it and he is such a good boy!! You cannot spoil a 6 week old!!
xxx

 

[l_maclean]

I dont agree with controlled crying either - and i would think that six weeks is too young.

BUT - there have been some occasions where Georgia has clearly been "at it" because ive had no choice but to leave her to cry and she really has been fine.

The first time i was desperate for the loo and she screamed the whole time i was in the loo - but just as i got to the bedroom door she stopped, and when i looked into the crib i got a great big smile. Its also happened when we've been in the car.

So I might be inclined to leave him for a couple of mins if he's just having a wee grumble to himself, and see if he settled. but theres a big difference between a wee grumble, and him screaming.

xxx

 

[l_maclean]

if its really causing big rows - could you try to get him into the habit of falling asleep in his basket, rather than on someone. it must be quite scary to go to sleep in one place and wake up some where completely different. xxx

 

[Nurse 26]

you cant spoil them when they are so little, they need lots of cuddles.

dont agree with controlled crying either, my OH is the same, expects way to much of such a little baby. xx

 

[BevG]

my OH is pretty similar, we just dont row about it lol. he found out today tho what its like when you leave a baby to cry, we were 'busy' lol and she had been asleep in her pram downstairs when i went to wake OH up. needless to say while that was happening she woke up and started crying and was at it for a lil while. when we came downstairs she had worked herself up and was all hot and sweaty and distressed. i said that is the reason i cant leave her to cry, cos she gets too worked up and could make herself ill. overheating can cause febrile seizures in lil babies, usually only when theyre ill but why risk it and she really does get so hot she gets soaked in sweat! i think it might have made him think again about the leaving her to cry

 

[LaurenMM]

I agree with the others, there's no such thing as spoiling a baby, they need love and cuddles and attention and they cry for a reason. I've been extremely lucky with Angel as she never really cries but like l_maclean said I let her have a little grumble if she's just like moaning (not crying) for 5 mins or so then I go in and soothe her. Usually after 5 mins she's settled herself anyway but I have never and will never leave her to cry at any stage, it's just something I'm comfortable with. Of course there's been times, like some of the others have said, where I've been making a bottle and I can't be in two places at once so I've had no choice but other than that I wouldn't. I think speaking to your OH about how this is making you feel is really important. My OH and I have had disagreements on this and a couple of other things and it caused a lot of rows between us and it's so not worth the hassle, especially with a new baby xx

 

[hellywelly]

We are having the same problems not over the controlled crying but over the fact I think I have let E get a little too used to having a nap on me and now it's really difficult to get her to settle in her pram or crib for daytime naps (although she is very good at going down at night). Can anyone suggest any tips on how to wean her off this habit?? My OH wanted to do controlled crying so I just had to find an article on Google that was very against it and made him read it!!!

 

[BevG]

i found the best way was to just keep putting her down and picking up to soothe if she got worked up then putting her back down before she fell asleep. you have to do it a good few times at first but they do learn that your still there but that you are going to put them down again no matter what. worked for me in the moses basket. now i just use the pram so i can rock her to sleep

 

[My1stBaby]

yep i agree with everything said before, my Hv told me you cant spoil babies under 3 months, its their most vulnerable time and they need as much love as possible to help their development!!

xxxxxxxx

 

[Zazu]

I don't think you're meant to do controlled crying until 6 months. I did do it at 7 months and it worked wonders, we did it for 2 nights and that's all it took, before this it would take hours because we cuddled him to sleep and the moment we put him down he would wake up. I know some people don't agree with it, and it was heartbreaking listening to him cry, but it worked for us. Before 6 months though, I'd say cuddle away, you cant spoil them that young xxx

 

[BabyBrain]

I know it could all change but Albert doesn't seem to like being cuddled to sleep especially at night. He has self settled since day one! I feel most unloved about it sometimes lol

 

[Bee7]

Thanks ladies, i'm glad you agree. Maybe at 6 months plus i'll consider it but from now on i'll trust my maternal instincts. Things like this make me wonder what it'll be like when Jack is a toddler or a teenager when he actually IS being naughty. How will OH react to that if he can't even cope with a crying baby.

Blokes definitely do expect too much of babies and i shall use that line on him if he pipes up about it again. I know we're supposed to compromise but ultimately i won't be told what to do with my own baby xx

 

[positivity :)]

I have to say I was reading Ur post and when I got to the part that said 6 weeks old my mouth dropped open, no way does Ur LO understand anything at that age. Gosh men are so annoying sometimes xx

 

[Sarah13]

I hate this controlled crying thing, its cruel in my opinion and i would never leave Kynon to cry even over 6 months. They cry as a way of communicating until they are old enough to tell you what is wrong and at 6 weeks they haven't got a clue, they can't manipulate at that age, they can barely smile voluntarily! I always put myself into Kynons position when he's upset and it makes you feel much better about rocking and cuddling to sleep. CC can actually damage a young baby as well, just Google it and show that to your OH when hes on one!