Consultant midwife appointment 4/4 to discuss my last nightmare birth - feel sick!!!

[Sunnyb]

I have finally got an appointment to see the consultant midwife to discuss my previous & very complicated birth. I am so terrified of giving birth this time that I could be sick thinking about it! My hubby is coming with me as he knows talking about it will upset me & also that he will be a second pair of ears to help remember what's been said. Apparently we will discuss what happened last time & the reasons why it may have happened & also the chances of it happening again (won't go into details as I don't want to frighten other expectant ladies out there)!
I have been advised already that I don't have to go for a c-section & can opt for another natural birth, but a birth centre or home birth is a big no no.
I want to be in a hospital for the safety of myself & little one to be honest, but our nearest hospital have both a birth centre & delivery suite, so I'd like to try for a water birth. I have been told to complete my birth plan before I go, but I keep staring at the page & crying as I don't know what to put or where to start after last time.
All I want is for the delivery team know what happened last time & not to leave me on my own & assume I'll be ok because I've done it before. I managed on gas & air & TENS machine last time with a pethidine & anti sickness injection in the middle stages. I know I want my hubby there all the time & for him to tell me if it's a boy or girl & cut the cord. I also know I want skin to skin & to breastfeed & that's about it.
I'm hoping the consultant will put my mind at ease, but I now think second time around is scarier as you know what happened last time & ignorance is bliss!

Has anyone else had a consultation about their previous birth? Does anyone have any birth plan tips too?


Sunnyb xxx

 

[yorksmummy]

I dont have any advice but I wanted to send you a big hug. I am seeing my consultant in 2 weeks as I have been put forward for a consultant led birth as I have had 2 assisted deliveries (both for different reasons) and with both births I think stress made my labour stop and I ended up on the drip with both of them (not a horrendous birth though) but I am terrifed it'll happen exactly the same way again and I will be on the drip etc etc because I'll get stressed at being consultant led and I expect it to go wrong. Would have loved a water birth and be all relaxed. I am losing sleep over the consultant appoinment and unfortunately my husband doesn't think it's neccessary for him to come with me. I hope the consultant says I can go to the midwife led unit as there were no major complications but my hubby says a big NO. I never made a birth plan with either of my births I just took it as it came. Now I am frightened of asking for what I want.
Sorry if you think this has no relevance at all, just wanted to say you're not alone and send a hug. x

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

I had to see a consultant with my 2nd cos I had a 3rd degree tear with my first! They were really lovely tho and basically just talked me thru the ways of tryin to stop it happening again! I'm pretty sure if I have another I'll pons be consultant lead aswell cos I got another 3rd degree tear and also had her fast as lightening I'm the opposite to you tho, I've been told any more will more than likely ave to be planned home
Births and they'll train up members of my family so they know what to do hope it all goes well for you xxx

 

[Sunnyb]

I have a strange feeling the same thing is going to happen with me second time around. I think this baby will be a biggy (they will be monitoring by scans from 34 weeks onwards). I don't want to be induced this time either as I don't think that helped. Joseph was 11 days late so I am not expecting this one to arrive on time either so this is why I'm concerned about being induced. I bleed very easily & lots so having tears or another episiotomy scares the shit out of me. I am now realising why I decided after having Joseph to stop at one! I am now panicking like mad & I'm so frightened of something happening & leaving Joseph without a mum. I feel selfish now for deciding to have another & it's probably my hormones, but I keep bursting into tears & saying to my hubby I wish I hadn't got pregnant. I then burst into tears with guilt about feeling this way!
This will be the last child I have & I so want to enjoy the pregnancy, birth & baby once he/she arrives, but I can't seem to get into the right frame of mind.

Sunnyb xxx

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

what you're feeling is completely natural! 99% of the mums of more than 1 I've spoken to have said they worried throughout their whole 2nd pregnancy! Remember aswell that the scans aren't alwYs accurate! My consultant told me they wouldn't give me growth scans 2nd time cos theyre not very accurate and my 1st wasn't big enough to warrant it they've changed it now I think, but then, they wouldn't do it unless they were 10lb or over and she was 9lb12! Try not to stress too much hun xxx

 

[Sunnyb]

Awww thanks. I think I feel like I'm the only person sometimes & feel bad for admitting my feelings. But I'm an honest person & it's nice to know that others who want their babies so much still get the emotional wobbles!
Joseph was 9lb 7oz & I had my GTT the other day & haven't heard anything regarding this, so fingers crossed I'm not diabetic. I was hoping it'd be negative, as I know if you are diabetic it can increase your chances of having a bigger baby too. So fingers crossed I'll have a baby not much bigger than Joseph was. I'll see what gets said during the consultation I have & take it from there I guess. Just can't help feeling sick with nerves!

Sunnyb xxx

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

If it was Diabetes, I think they tell you within 48 hours! And it is possible to have a smaller one! I was bracing myself for s 10lb-er and she was 8lb3!xx

 

[Sarah13]

I really feel for you, I'm scared and I'm one of the lucky girls who had no complications and a very quick labour! Have you thought about hiring a doula to be with you constantly during labour? Obviously they are not midwives but have been at lots of births and can totally focus on you and help you get the best care and you will still be in hospital. I barely saw a midwife when I was in labour until I was pushing, I plan to hire one myself, it will also take some of the pressure off my hubby who will probably feel totally useless, men don't really know the best way to help and hate seeing us in pain. Think you get to know the doula first and she can visit after as well if you want to.

 

[Sunnyb]

I'd not thought about a doula, but will look into it & see how expensive it would be. I think I'll see the outcome of my consultation too before I make any decisions as I still have 10 weeks left to go. Anything that'll help me stay calm would be brilliant. To be honest I'm very lucky to have the type of husband I do - he's very calm & patient & although he nearly fainted last time, held it together for me!

Sunnyb xxx

 

[Sarah13]

I think you pay per hour when I was looking and prob depends on where you live as well, suppose it's not a cheap option if you have a long labour!

 

[Sunnyb]

FAO Me, My Girls & I - I tried to PM you, but your inbox is full just wanted to say thanks.

I will have a look later on. Just clearing up after tea, going to bath Joseph & put him to bed & I'll Google it then. I'm quite a shy person so feel I will need to get to know them well enough first & I want someone who won't make my hubby feel pushed out or intrude on our experience together. But I like the idea of the support of someone other than family (love my mum to bits, but could never have her at the birth )!

I love this forum - you girlies are all so helpful & supportive. I only wish I'd discovered this site when I was expecting Joseph!

Sunnyb xxx

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

Just emptied it lol! It's defo worth a google atleast just to check out your options!xx

 

[Lexusno1]

No previous experience but wanted to assure you that the best thing you can do is what you're already doing an admit when you're having wobbles and concerns. Nothing worse than bottling it all up and putting pressure on yourself. You sound like a strong woman and hope you have a simpler time with labour than you are towards the end of your pregnancy.

Big kisses, big hugs

Lex xx

 

[Sunnyb]

Thanks Lex. I just don't want to spend the next 10-12 weeks not enjoying my pregnancy & I don't want to go in with all the bad memories from last time. What happened then had a huge knock on set of events & I don't want to go through any of that again. I'm so pleased that nobody has judged me - I had cognitive behavioural therapy for all my issues last time & I have always been concerned about others opinions of me & have a tendency to slate myself or put myself down as a barrier before anyone else gets to do it! But although I'm still not 100% cured & don't think I ever will be, I'm much better than I was. I was a born natural worrier too, so that doesn't always help!

This forum is just the best - you're all so lovely & supportive xxx

Sunnyb xxx

 

[Lexusno1]

Awwww you're so sweet. Well I for one would NEVER judge. I'm glad you can find this forum useful to off-load your worries and release a bit. Hope you know you always can if it's gonna help you get through the next 10-12 weeks hun xxx