Confused and frustrated with Other half!

[Keepthefaith]

Hi all,

Looking for some help, I am new to trying for a baby and it has only been a couple of months. I'm not too impatient with the process yet, that's not my problem.

My problem is my Other half. We have been tracking my ovulation for only 2 months now, and we have yet to have sex at all in my "fertile" days. It's like once they come round it doesn't happen. All month we are fine but then he's too tired or something happens. Today is the last day of my fertile window and again nothing has happened this time either!!

I've asked again and again is he sure this is what he wants he keeps saying yes and assuring me he really does want a baby and he talks about it we've picked names (as sad as that sounds I know, not even being pregnant yet!)

We're never going to get pregnant if he won't do it on my fertile days. I don't know what to do I'm getting disheartened and feel like I'm pressuring him but I want a baby so much!!

Any advice please would be great! Thank you, I wish everyone the best of luck with their baby making!

 

[Sugarpop]

I think some men go into caveman mode when you talk about these things. If he insists its what he wants maybe have a conversation about you not telling him when your fertile and he can just go with the flow? I think some men struggle with the on-demand thing and it's completely normal I think (from other ladies on here).

If you don't tell him when your fertile days are and just jump on him he won't have any added pressure.

 

[Keelygracey]

My OH doesn't have a clue when my fertile days are! Lol he thinks I'm always fertile lol.. The whole thing confuses him.. I agree with sugarpop, sometimes the less they know the better.. I hate having to explain everything to my OH, he just thinks I'm crazy. In his eyes it's as simple as SEX=BABY! xx

 

[Sugarpop]

My OH doesn't have a clue when my fertile days are! Lol he thinks I'm always fertile lol.. The whole thing confuses him.. I agree with sugarpop, sometimes the less they know the better.. I hate having to explain everything to my OH, he just thinks I'm crazy. In his eyes it's as simple as SEX=BABY! xx

I try to explain to mine but I think he just pretends to understand.

 

[Lotti]

I think I would try not to let on when my fertile days were. My OH wouldn't have a clue if I didn't tell him. I can sympathise though. My other half has a really low sex drive so it is difficult to time sex to the right time. I find if he knows then he is under even more pressure and it becomes more difficult so is best for me to keep it to myself.

 

[Keepthefaith]

Thank you for your replies,

I didnt mention anything else last night to remind him or drop hints etc. We went out where he said he can't wait to get me home so we can DTD I never said anything, we got home and on the way he says he doesn't feel well. So nothing happened I never said a word about it, but now we've missed our chance again this month! He's at work right now I'm so emotional it's like he pretends to be unwell so he doesn't have to. I don't know I'm so confused by it all I don't get it one bit. Why tell me it's what he wants and keep saying he's looking forward to DTD the just not doing it then when the fertile days are gone he's magically fine! I feel like he's doing everything he can to avoid them or something I don't know.

There's nothing else I can say to him I've talked before making sure he definitely wants a baby and tried making sure he's sure so I don't know what else to do now. I felt like telling him my days and sharing the results of my ovulation tests with him was keeping him in the process so we can go through it together. But I'm going to stop now but if he doesn't know when I'm fertile and we have sex and I get pregnant aren't I going to feel like I've tricked him or something? I just want him to be on board. Gutted we've missed another month :'(

I do talk about babies and being pregnant all the time I can't help it, it's all I think about right now. I get half way through my sentence sometimes and realise I'm doing it again. Maybe it's all too much for him

 

[Keelygracey]

If he says he wants a baby then there's no way you can be tricking him.. I can imagine your frustration I would be so annoyed. I don't involve my OH in my OPK's or anything like that purely because his never asked.. as I said before he thinks it's so simple!

xx


Edit - I do think men can be overwhelmed sometimes.. If your OH is like mine, suddenly trying to have a baby is a huge deal for him and it took my OH a few months to even really 'accept' we were TTC! lol

 

[JD.Deedee]

Mines excuse is that he's tired like yea we only need to have sex before sleeping lol!! I'm not ttc tho, but I've read it far too many times when I was and after and it's one of them which is why I never told my oh about my fertile days or anything when I was because it just puts too much pressure on them. In fact when I first did two dipsticks that were ever so faintly positive I didn't tell him until it was confirmed on the digi and he could read it out loud instead of line spotting!

But that's what I found the forums fab for, you can post as many opk and squint preg tests as you want and discuss it with other girls in the same boat!
Just jump him after work just in case you might catch that egg xx

 

[phonixgirl]

Mine says he's tired a lot and he gets migraines a lot too so that can interrupt things! He knows all about the fertile time (wish he didn't lol). He feels I'm using him for a baby so I only tell him anything about my cycle if he asks. I try to dtd at times I'm not fertile as well so if he asks, I can say "I have zero chance today, I just wanted to!" I've found that tactic has led to him asking less questions since... Maybe try at a time when you aren't fertile and tell him that? Then he might be more inclined to do it at other times... xx

 

[Keepthefaith]

Hi thank you for your replies,
Wanted to update you. We finally DTD haha first time in a week! Haha! (Sorry for TMI)
And I haven't told OH but I took an ovulation test and it still has the flashing smiley face, although Ovia app says my fertile window ended yesterday, so I'm really hoping we have still made it on time!
I know once in fertile window probably isn't enough but still feeling positive!
Fingers crossed for everyone! Would love to keep updated with everyone on their jeorneys!

 

[Keelygracey]

It only takes one spermie to make a baby! lol good luck xxxx

 

[Papermoon]

Like the others said, I think it's the pressure that's making it hard for him to perform. It's better to just not tell him when your fertile days are. Men think differently than we do.

 

[Keepthefaith]

Just to go off topic a little bit, I'm on my 4th flashing smiley face with my clear blue test. I'm thinking maybe I missed it and tested too late. Like I said previously ovia says my fertile window ended 2 days ago, and I didn't start testing until 4 days into my fertile window 13 days after the start of my last AF as I didn't receive my tests until that day. I also only recently had the implant out a few months ago. Gosh this is all so much more confusing and hard work than I ever ever thought it would be! Really can drive yourself mad! Found normal tests too hard to read the previous two months so wanted to give clear blue a go.
Anyway basically if anyone has any experience with the clear blue tests that would be great! Thank you!

 

[BunnyN]

I'm a bit of a nerd at heart and definitely a POAS addict so I like OPKs but could just ditch the opks and go for sex every 2 or 3 days. I think your chances of getting pregnant are probably just as good that way and some find opks and tracking your cycle stressful and that it doesn't really help.

 

[Papermoon]

I don't know anything about it either, I'm just learning on this board that they have things to help you know your fertile days. Just keep having sex every 2 or 3 days and you're bound to hit it at the right time. I think sperm can live inside you for like 5 days. So just keep a steady flow of sperm coming and it will hit at the right time.

 

[CoolNoMore]

I took an ovulation test and it still has the flashing smiley face, although Ovia app says my fertile window ended yesterday, so I'm really hoping we have still made it on time! [EDIT - I messed up the quote here, oops!]

I think you have, I find Ovia to be all over the place sometimes. OPKs seem much more reliable. Nice one!