Choosing to go it alone

[laurasox]

Hi everyone, this is my first post but i have been reading this forum for a while. Is there anybody on here who has chosen to be a single parent? Im 30 in december and although i know i have a while yet i am so broody, im single and am not and never have been desparate for a relationship and i long for a baby and although yes i would prefer to be with some one im not sure when this will happen and am quite happy to go it alone with the support of family and friends, i have had such difference responses from people from yes go for it to i think your mad!! My ex who i was with 3 years ago and get on ok with and i have discussed maybe having a baby, although it would be for me and we wouldn't get back together but he would play a part in the babys life. I've only had 2 boyfriends and have never been in love and worry that if i wait for it and it doesnt happen then i'll regret not doing something now! Has anyone else felt like this? And am i really just being desparate and silly??

 

[Soozee]

Feeling broody is such a strong and natural, physical need. I say go for it, but you need to realise that even though you may be feeling independent about this at the moment, it may become a struggle during actual pregnancy.

I had my first child on my own at the age of 19 and I am now pregnant again at 31. I do have a boyfriend, but we are not married. I feel from previous experience that I can take care of my own, but I must admit that it does help to have support from my boyfriend. We have a good relationship and he wants to be a good dad. We are just not ready to get married yet, if ever.

If you do go ahead with having a baby on your own, I hope that your friends and family will support you completely. For most, support is essential when pregnant.

 

[laurasox]

thanks for your reply, my ex would be there to support me when i needed him, he is a nice caring person but was just too dull for me do have a relationship with although every few months now we will meet up to catch up. I would rather my baby knew who its dad was but people say to me that he'll be in my life for ever and seeing as i didnt like him enough to have a relationship with it would be a mistake! But other people say its my life and that i should do it but i want everybody on my side but know that wont happen!!! I've lived on my own for 10 years and used to love it but now i feel empty and alone

 

[Soozee]

Its very good that your ex wants to be involved with the baby forever. After all, he will be the dad forever!

With my first daughter, I split up with her dad. Kept in touch with his parents, more than her father himself. They are really there for their grandaughter.

 

[Strangeness]

If you feel empty and alone hun then maybe you need a relationship not a baby? I would seriously consider having a child with someone you love rather than someone who would be ok as a father. You need so much support when you have a child and if you have love it makes things a lot easier. You're used to being on your own as you said but with a baby you are never on your own and I think being in a relationship prepares you not to be selfish because there is another person to consider and I don't know how easy that would be if you have always been on your own.

It's not something I would rush into hun. Yes it is your life to do as you please but if you're going to bring another life into the picture then you also need to think about them. You also need to think about your ex if you intend to have a child with him, maybe he would think there was a chance for your relationship if you had a child together? If so you'd need to make it clear he would only be a father and not your partner.

I hope things work out and you realise what you want from life. Good luck

 

[laurasox]

Thanks for your advise, i can see where your coming from. Ideally i would obviously prefer to be married and in love before i have a baby but who knows when that could happen!!
I really dont have a desire to be in a relationship with any one at the moment tho and cant say i ever have ... i suppose that makes me sound weird!! I have lived with a partner previously but the relationship wasnt right so maybe that has put me off. I just cant imagine meeting a man that i would want to be with 24/7, i love going to bed and waking up in my bed alone... i really do sound weird now!! I know a baby will change all that and being single the baby will take up all of my time and be hard but id rather find it hard and be single than wait for a relationship that in my head i dont really want! As for my ex thinking maybe a baby would bring us together i have spoke to him and told him that this wouldnt happen but who knows what he might be thinking! I know its not an ideal situation but i feel at 30 the time is right for a child and i know i could meet someone in a few weeks time but what if i dont and i wait and it doesnt happen which is whats happened to one of my close friends, will i then regret not doing something when i had the chance?
Im not after having a baby cos i feel alone, its more of a empty feeling i have and i just feel so broody.
Thanks again for replying, i appreciate both views, whether its people saying go for it or people saying they dont think its a good idea

 

[Peanut]

Hiya Laura

I'm curious about this - how do you plan to get pregnant?

 

[ToriElla]

have you felt broody for a long time? or has it just started?

 

[laurasox]

Hi, ive been broody for about 2 years but its got worse as time passes, looking at babies and other peoples children when im out and thinking costantly about having my own child.
As for how i plan on getting pregnant ....... well by having sex of course
I know its not an ideal situation, i saw a programme on tv a while back about some single women who chose to have a child alone for different reasons and too be honest i never really thought of it as an option but now looking into it more i realize that not everybody has the choice of playing happy familys and sometimes things have to be done in a not so perfect way

 

[Andrianne]

Hi laura!

You don't know my story but I can relate with you in a lot of aspects. Many days I don't see myself ending up with someone so I'm thinking that one day I'll choose to be a single parent. I don't really know how, I don't like the idea of a sperm donor and who's gonna want to have sex with me so that I get pregnant?

Difference is there is a man I'm head over heels in love with. Other problems aside, we're long distance and he's much older than me. So I don't think I can count on him for a baby 5 years from now. It would be "ideal" (as ideal as single parenthood can be) because he's the reason I started getting the desire for a baby, it's been about 2 years now, getting worse as time goes by.

My dad said (been trying to prepare him, sort of!) I should consider the child's feelings, he/she won't have a dad around, there won't be any explanation for that (divorce, death etc) and it's going to be hard for him/her. While he's right, I know I won't be able to not have a child one day.... And I also think how many children have both their parents and end up having all sorts of problems because they weren't raised right or because one or both parents didn't care enough etc.

Don't really have any advice. I'm behind you on this one and if you think your ex bf will make a good dad and stand by you and be your friend then I'd say go for it. At the end of the day it's your decision. I think that even if everyone told you you're mad, you'd still want it and go for it, right?

One last thing... You're still young and technically can wait a few more years to see if mr right will come along. That said, I understand your feelings to do it now. Mr right could come along even after you have a baby. And I don't want to make you feel nervous about this now but you should perhaps consider your ex oh's life, what if he meets a girl and starts a relationship? Have you talked with him about this? It would complicate things....

So sorry to have rambled on. I basically only wanted to say I can relate

Feel free to pm me if you want to. Good luck with whatever you decide

xxx
Andrianne

 

[emx279]

hiya, i say go for it. i fell pregnant accidently when i was 20 im 23 now with my 2nd one, im not married and not likwly to be as we are not getting on at the moment (the girls father and i) so i think ill be single soon. its so rewarding being a parent and believe me it goes so quick.