Childcare Dilema - What would you do?

[Charlie:-)]

Firstly this may be long so I apologise up front but I will try and stick to the issue here and not veer off into a whole different story.

When me and hubby announced our engagement and set a date for our wedding it was no secret that we would be having a family and my step-mum (she's not really cause my Dad hasn't married her but I will call her that throughout this post for ease) always said that she would look after the baby for us when children came along when I went back to work. My sister however had her baby first (although she had always said she didn't want children so it was a big surprise), anyhow my step-mum looks after my niece (2 years old) 2 days a week.

Before I finished work I wanted to sort out my return date and the days I would work so I didn't have to do it whilst on mat leave. So I spoke to my step-mum about her looking after the baby to try and coincide with the days she looks after my niece so that my step-mum would still have the rest of the week to herself. Well to cut a long story short she didn't say yes and she didn't say no, she was very reluctant in her words and her body language was negative. She said she would have to charge us but then said in the next breath that if she charged us she would then have to charge my sister I don't mind paying but it was as if she didn't want to charge my sister but she wanted to charge us. I honestly don't think she would charge us cause she wouldn't charge my sis so hopefully wouldn't charge us, if she did it wouldn't be much.

We have never spoke about this since and last night my sis was moaning about my step-mum saying how controlling she is (she's a complete control freak) everything has to be "her" way. My sis cant fault the way she has looked after my niece but she has to really bite her tongue (wont go into examples here there are lots but basically my sis doesn't really get a say in what goes on for those 2 days)

Me and my sis had kind of agreed also that I would look after my niece one day a week and she would look after Maia one day a week while we were both at work. However, the day I was going to have my niece she is now at nursery and my sis wants her to stay at nursery cause she is learning and developing so much and enjoys it. I asked if she could swap her nursery day to one of the days she is with my step-mum which would also open up one of the days for my step-mum to have Maia. My step-mum has said in not so many words but was insinuating that she wouldn't be happy if she only looked after my niece for 1 day because she had given up her job to look after her. So my sis has no choice but to leave her childcare plans as they are. The truth is that my step-mum offered to look after my niece and was going to do a job share to cut her days down from 5 to 3, she took the option to leave her job because they couldnt find a job share (or that's what she told us). She could go and get a job if she wanted but I honestly think looking after my niece was the perfect excuse to give up work. My Mum has also spoke about wanting to cut her job to 4 days so she could have Maia and my niece on a Friday (this would help me a lot and going to speak with Mum again about this) but my step-mum again put her foot down making my sis feel guilty cause she gave her job up to look after my niece.

I have digressed slightly but all vital details of the whole saga, back onto the main point. So me and hubby have been to look round some nurseries in case we need to, but I honestly do not know what to do.

Do I ask my step-mum again, im really not sure I want her to look after Maia, I know she wont do baby led weaning as she is a clean freak as well as a control freak and it will be too much mess for Maia to feed herself. If she did look after Maia it would save us £420 per month.

If Maia goes it nursery I may have to go back to work full time as I will be earning so much more and even after paying £620 a month for a full time place will give me more money left over than if I went back part time 3 days a week. I'm not sure we would be able to manage paying for 3 days nursery on my part time wage.

Long term our plans are to have another baby soon and then after my years mat leave for baby number two take a career break and I will get an evening job in a supermarket or something or go back to doing virgin vie. So I suppose I could go back full time and get pregnant again asap that way I don't have to involve my step-mum at all.

Deep down I don't want my step-mum to look after Maia (I cant stand the woman if im honest) but it would be a huge financial saving and I could work part time. Agggghhhhh I'm so confused. Someone tell me what I should do.

Thank you so much for reading.

 

[nori]

Hiya hun,

Well i think you have already answered your own question as you said deep down you dont want your step mum looking after her so if she does then i dont think you would be happy anyway.

I cant really offer any advice regarding nurserys. I will only be going back part time and am using a childminder recommended to me. If that doesnt cover the bills then i will be working evenings (you mentioned you may do this if you have another child).

Sorry i cant be of help.

Claire x

 

[charlie84]

Yep you have definately answered your own question hun

If it were me i know what i would do, there is no way i would leave my baby with someone i disliked or who wouldnt respect my ways of bringing up my child.

I am returning back to work full time and have chosen Calleigh to go into a lovely nursery. It is awful having to leave her there full time and i am not looking forward to it but i do need to go back to work money wise.

Go and have a look around some of your local nurseries or ask around for recommendations of childminders and see what you think. Calleigh has recently been having her taster sessions and i have got to say that she really enjoys it being around other babies her own age and all the different toys and things she gets to do there.
She hasnt missed me yet

If you are planning on having another child shortly then maybe returning to work for a short while wont be so bad.
I think you have to make the decision that feels right for you and your baby

 

[Sherlock]

Think its pretty clear reading it all You don't like your step mum and know she would not look after LO as you would like (BLW etc). If someone won't care for your child as you would like, then I'd not have them look after them and make alternative arrangements.

Do you have to look at daycare? What about a childminder? I met a lovely lady in our village who looks after 3 local children in the week (on different days) and she always gives them the food the parents provide etc if they wish it.

Have you considered a nanny share with your sister? Between the two of you you could maybe afford to emply a nanny to look after both children. One week in one house, the next in the other, so both children have some consistency and the same person caring for them. And the nanny would do all the things you would like.

I'd make other arrangements and then tell step mum that you found a better option that works for you and have gone with that.

 

[Charlie:-)]

Thanks for your replies ladies.

I think we are just going to go with a nursery and if my step-mum asks then I will tell her I got the impression she didnt want to look after Maia so we have made alternative arrangements. Now the only problem I have now is getting used to going back to work full time and contacting work to advise as I had previously organised to go back part time before I left on mat leave.

Good suggestion about a Nanny but my sister wont budge on the arrangements she already has which I think is pretty unfair the message im getting is kind of "im alright Jack", otherwise if she would make a little compromise here and there along with my step-mum the situation would be solved so much easier. Plus at the moment she only pays for 1 day nursery and a nanny would be so much more which she doesnt have the funds to cover. Ideally I would prefer it if I had my niece on Tuesday, Maia go to my sisters on Wednesday and then both Maia my niece go to nursery for 1 day and my step-mums for 1 day both on alternate days Thurs & Fri.

Oh well best start getting my head around 5 days of work

Thanks again for your replies.

 

[Babylicious]

I would opt for a nursery too, as I've found you can't really rely on family to help out! My SIL offered to help with the LO but has had him just 1 days since I went back to work.

Maybe you'll get some help with tax credits??