Bulimia and TTC

[SpiritedAway]

This is a bit of a difficult subject for me to post... I'm a healthy weight but I suffer with bulimia. For over a few years I have battled with this on and off until we started trying.. and nothing so bloods were done and came back with lower than average counts and it got a little worse with the negative tests.

I know I'm my worse enemy, I feel ashamed and afraid its going to spiral as I just feel a massive failure not getting pregnant so quickly after all we've been through, it's like I'm letting DH down. Christmas is going to be so difficult for me, Food and feeling sad around friends as they keep asking us.

Does anyone else suffer with this? I know I need to take a step back now in January but knowing this just makes it even worse (if that makes sense?).

I've seen my gp.. offered me pills (they're not for me I'd rather do this on my own) I think I just need to get it out, see what I'm doing to myself as it's making me sad.

 

[russellmuscle]

Hey SA

Dont feel like your own enemy. Your brain is coping with the stress it knows how and feels more in control of.

I dont know too much personally on the condition but I imagine trying to regain control elsewhere in your life would help? I think TTC us as women try to control but its not possible, there is only so much we can do and if your putting in the effort its part of the battle to get what you want. I dont mean that to come over harsh.

Perhaps counselling? I know everyones quick to say that but someone experienced or who has been where you have been may be more understanding or relatable to you, plus its good to vent.

I hope someone on here perhaps some advice.

Take care.

xxxx

 

[SpiritedAway]

Hey SA

Dont feel like your own enemy. Your brain is coping with the stress it knows how and feels more in control of.

I dont know too much personally on the condition but I imagine trying to regain control elsewhere in your life would help? I think TTC us as women try to control but its not possible, there is only so much we can do and if your putting in the effort its part of the battle to get what you want. I dont mean that to come over harsh.

Perhaps counselling? I know everyones quick to say that but someone experienced or who has been where you have been may be more understanding or relatable to you, plus its good to vent.

I hope someone on here perhaps some advice.

Take care.

xxxx

Thanks lovely and not at all.

Until tests came back I was fine and hadn't done it for months. I felt silly getting them done and then when something was wrong I felt like I had lost control of everything.

I got offered it, to be honest my Drs haven't been very helpful so I think it's done this to me with worry when they said they were referring me, it was even worse.

Friends are make such a big deal asking us all the time, so even when we had a month break and I got back on track it started getting to me again.

 

[phonixgirl]

Hey honey

I don't know much about bulimia although I have always had body image issues. Not being able to conceive (because of me) made things worse and it led to me being off work with depression earlier this year, which I hadn't had since I was about 20. I went days on end crying for no reason, felt helpless, had no motivation to do anything and couldn't even concentrate enough to watch the TV.

Unhelpful doctors don't help and I have certainly seen my fair share over the past few years. However, I went in during one of my crying episodes, was signed off work and got counselling through work (I could also have got it through the NHS but private through work was quicker). I have also had acupuncture recently and pretty much demanded a diagnosis, which I got. That helped a lot, as it made me know exactly what the problem was and what treatments to look at.

Things still aren't perfect but the acupuncture relaxed me, the diagnosis gave me some answers and I've tried to start thinking more positively about everything. Easier said than done though, I know... x

 

[SpiritedAway]

Hey honey

I don't know much about bulimia although I have always had body image issues. Not being able to conceive (because of me) made things worse and it led to me being off work with depression earlier this year, which I hadn't had since I was about 20. I went days on end crying for no reason, felt helpless, had no motivation to do anything and couldn't even concentrate enough to watch the TV.

Unhelpful doctors don't help and I have certainly seen my fair share over the past few years. However, I went in during one of my crying episodes, was signed off work and got counselling through work (I could also have got it through the NHS but private through work was quicker). I have also had acupuncture recently and pretty much demanded a diagnosis, which I got. That helped a lot, as it made me know exactly what the problem was and what treatments to look at.

Things still aren't perfect but the acupuncture relaxed me, the diagnosis gave me some answers and I've tried to start thinking more positively about everything. Easier said than done though, I know... x

I'm sorry to hear that, depression is a terrible thing especially during ttc. But you are right, is stress... I guess we deal in different ways but we shouldn't have to do it alone.

It's not a full time thing but that doesn't make it any better. I told my DH he agrees people knowing (although being caring) is an extra stress or pressure and I feel like I'm letting my partner down.

What usually happens is I get to 2ww.. get my bfn and eat to make me feel better and then think oh I need to be healthy for baby and I go on a mad exercise/binge as I feel guilty. I think it might be a hormonal problem thats giving me this drop, because I get so down around this time and fine all month.

I got better when we made it less of a focus, so maybe I need to take a break.. I'd like to try some relaxation therapy or atleast learn something to help me relax during this time and most importantly stop this as it's not good.

Doctors are rubbish I can agree on that! This is part of the problem, so I booked an appointment and I'm going with DH to get answers and to let them know about this and me not sleeping.

Thank you for your kind words, they do help me feel like I'm not alone on this. I find it difficult to tell people as I don't like to burden just "try" do it alone x

 

[phonixgirl]

Have you tried something like reflexology? It's supposed to be really good. And happy Christmas btw xx

I know what you mean about the eating. I was terrible after my IVF BFN especially (well, it was AF as I never test early and didn't actually get to testing day). I ate sooo much crap that I wouldn't normally eat (chocolates, biscuits, fatty foods, even drank alcohol). Of course I'm feeling it now because I'm spotting again. I've decided to write off December completely, eat and drink what I want and start again next cycle.

You have to remember that drug addicts, smokers, alcoholics etc get pregnant naturally all the time so please don't think bad of yourself for having a treat. It won't cause any harm to your baby that early on anyway so keep telling yourself that. And it's perfectly natural to want chocolate after the disappointment of a BFN. Xxx

 

[SpiritedAway]

Have you tried something like reflexology? It's supposed to be really good. And happy Christmas btw xx

I know what you mean about the eating. I was terrible after my IVF BFN especially (well, it was AF as I never test early and didn't actually get to testing day). I ate sooo much crap that I wouldn't normally eat (chocolates, biscuits, fatty foods, even drank alcohol). Of course I'm feeling it now because I'm spotting again. I've decided to write off December completely, eat and drink what I want and start again next cycle.

You have to remember that drug addicts, smokers, alcoholics etc get pregnant naturally all the time so please don't think bad of yourself for having a treat. It won't cause any harm to your baby that early on anyway so keep telling yourself that. And it's perfectly natural to want chocolate after the disappointment of a BFN. Xxx

Hope you had a lovely Christmas xxx

I tried reki once or twice and it was amazing, trouble is finding a person in my area. Massages might be an idea, they've been relaxing before bed as I'm not sleeping very well either.

I'm going to start running again, and just watch what goes in. Just a little wary (as I'm getting low estrogen) if this has had an effect on my body and cycles.

Feeling a little better and less down, I know this month is a difficult one with everything so I'm taking it day by day. I need to stop being so hard on myself, I really beat myself up that there's something wrong and keep things to myself.

Anyway here's to being postive and bfps

 

[phonixgirl]

You are so right and always remember that you are not the only one feeling that way xxx plus you are beautiful and you will get your baby xxx

 

[SpiritedAway]

You are so right and always remember that you are not the only one feeling that way xxx plus you are beautiful and you will get your baby xxx

Thank you, Reading back what I've wrote has helped in a way. I've just been covering the stress/depression with the eating as a control method to this all. I'm going to break as it really helped before and buy a load of books to occupy me.

Hopefully 2016 will be both our year though x