babyphoenix
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My second angel, grew their wings today. I feel so devastated. This isn't my first MC but it is my OH's first so this is all new to him. It made him the happiest man in the world that I was carrying his child and now it's all came crashing down.
The day started out promising, we were to pick up our first ever car. I had my second FRER to take and I was hoping to wait 'til Wednesday to see a week's worth of progression but I decided to take it today. It was pretty close to negative. I started to worry and did so all day.
About ten to four in the afternoon I started to bleed. I was running a bath when I noticed and I just stopped the bath and ran into the bedroom and cried for about half an hour. All out sobbing almost having an asthma attack crying.
OH doesn't get home 'til quarter past 5 and his mum was due to come over after work at 5pm to come get the car with us. I couldn't face her so I just had to text her and lie that the guy selling the car to us had said we'd have to come over later on to get it in the hopes that she'd just go home. I didn't want to tell OH by text and I didn't want to have to suffer through having to pretend everything was okay to OH and his parents and pick up the car only to tell him I'd been holding it in all night.
So I managed to pull myself together enough to send a lie of a text message saying he said we couldn't get it 'til later and that I was heading out. I told OH that I'd told her this and he just thought I was upset because of the barely positive test (I'd told him about that) so he complied happily. But when he got back his parents were outside so he had to basically try to make them leave (I didn't know they were outside, I was in my onesie after my bath with my eyes stained from crying so I can only imagine what would happen if he'd not managed to get them to leave).
He came upstairs and I told him that I was bleeding and he cried so hard it broke my heart. I'm so devastated that I couldn't carry our baby to full term.
After an hour or two we went to pick up the car. We had chinese takeaway in the car sitting outside the flat which was nice and took our mind off it a little. Then we went to the hospital where I was given a urine test which came back negative (unsurprisingly) and basically I was told there was nothing they could do. No blood tests etc and I'm too early for a scan to show anything.
We went out for a bit of a drive in the car afterwards. Been crying again. I want to try to pick out a name for the LO to remember them by. OH doesn’t seem keen on the idea but I think he’s coming round. I called my first angel baby Jack, so I want a name for this one, too. Since we hadn’t properly decided on a name I was going to pick something that we aren’t seriously considering for a name. I was thinking maybe Leo or Wyatt, angels from the TV show Charmed though I don’t know if that’s too cheesy.
I'm taking this better than my last miscarriage I think, which I'm surprised by as I've recently almost completely come off my psychiatric meds for the sake of my pregnancy (I was going to take my last of one of my meds tomorrow night). I'm holding up fairly well. OH seems to be okay but then breaks down. It's so hard seeing him like this as he's never suffered a loss of any kind before, I wish I could just give him a baby and make him happy.
Update: We decided to name the baby Brendan. I passed the sac yesterday (28/01/14). Still have it and trying to decide what to do with it.
Jodi x
The day started out promising, we were to pick up our first ever car. I had my second FRER to take and I was hoping to wait 'til Wednesday to see a week's worth of progression but I decided to take it today. It was pretty close to negative. I started to worry and did so all day.
About ten to four in the afternoon I started to bleed. I was running a bath when I noticed and I just stopped the bath and ran into the bedroom and cried for about half an hour. All out sobbing almost having an asthma attack crying.
OH doesn't get home 'til quarter past 5 and his mum was due to come over after work at 5pm to come get the car with us. I couldn't face her so I just had to text her and lie that the guy selling the car to us had said we'd have to come over later on to get it in the hopes that she'd just go home. I didn't want to tell OH by text and I didn't want to have to suffer through having to pretend everything was okay to OH and his parents and pick up the car only to tell him I'd been holding it in all night.
So I managed to pull myself together enough to send a lie of a text message saying he said we couldn't get it 'til later and that I was heading out. I told OH that I'd told her this and he just thought I was upset because of the barely positive test (I'd told him about that) so he complied happily. But when he got back his parents were outside so he had to basically try to make them leave (I didn't know they were outside, I was in my onesie after my bath with my eyes stained from crying so I can only imagine what would happen if he'd not managed to get them to leave).
He came upstairs and I told him that I was bleeding and he cried so hard it broke my heart. I'm so devastated that I couldn't carry our baby to full term.
After an hour or two we went to pick up the car. We had chinese takeaway in the car sitting outside the flat which was nice and took our mind off it a little. Then we went to the hospital where I was given a urine test which came back negative (unsurprisingly) and basically I was told there was nothing they could do. No blood tests etc and I'm too early for a scan to show anything.
We went out for a bit of a drive in the car afterwards. Been crying again. I want to try to pick out a name for the LO to remember them by. OH doesn’t seem keen on the idea but I think he’s coming round. I called my first angel baby Jack, so I want a name for this one, too. Since we hadn’t properly decided on a name I was going to pick something that we aren’t seriously considering for a name. I was thinking maybe Leo or Wyatt, angels from the TV show Charmed though I don’t know if that’s too cheesy.
I'm taking this better than my last miscarriage I think, which I'm surprised by as I've recently almost completely come off my psychiatric meds for the sake of my pregnancy (I was going to take my last of one of my meds tomorrow night). I'm holding up fairly well. OH seems to be okay but then breaks down. It's so hard seeing him like this as he's never suffered a loss of any kind before, I wish I could just give him a baby and make him happy.
Update: We decided to name the baby Brendan. I passed the sac yesterday (28/01/14). Still have it and trying to decide what to do with it.
Jodi x
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thinking of you and your oh xxx
