break up over Tocophobia? advice please

[tocophobia89]

My bf and i are together 6 years and talked about the future..and we both want a baby in 3-4 years max. I was fine up until 3 years ago i decided to research everything and anything on pregnancy and came across articles how these young "healthy" women died of brain aneurysms or embolisims and ever since then im convinced it will happen to me. I was born 25 weeks gestation myself so im always wondering "what it i have brain or heart AVM because i was a microbaby they call us"(weak artery) then when i get pregnant it bursts and i die! or i end up with Amniotic fluid embolism even though its "rare" i worry, i don't want to die during pregnancy or giving birth! i want to raise my baby.

Im stuck...i don't know what to do. Should i give into my fear and leave my boyfriend so he can find someone that will get pregnant with little fear OR should i just go ahead and have faith things will go okay?

I actually had nervous break down Sunday because my anxiety got really bad..i keep thinking maybe i should break up with my bf , he deserves to live his life. I told my bf this Sunday and barely said anything..just to talk to my therapist more, he thinks im not telling my therapist everything, i told my bf i don't think anyone says will really help, may just have to not have kids because im way to afraid.

He hasn't mentioned anything since Sunday...I'm worried that he thinks i will "just get over it" or maybe he is doing what he said before " he is accepting me for me" maybe he is okay if i just can't go through with pregnancy now seeing how scared i am. What if he never proposes due to this? or if we get married and he ends up resenting me due to me not trying possibly? (i did tell my bf i am afraid he will end up resenting me the night i was freaking out but he never said anything to that)

opinions/advice?

thanks

 

[tocophobia89]

we are 26 and 27....so we are that point in our lives we need to figure things out. Latest i want to have kids is 30 if i ever get nerve to TTC because im so paranoid about being older and pregnant due to higher risks involved

 

[tocophobia89]

anyone?

 

[GF91]

I really don't know what you want people to say?
It's clear that you need to seek professional help before you make any kind of decision. Counselling may be a way forward for you, it may help the you. But I'd definitely look into that first before breaking up with your OH about it. If you can't move past the fear after approaching every help avenue possible then you'll hAve to reevaluate your situation.

But there are risks in everything you do on a daily basis. What happened to those women is sad- and extremely rare. If pregnancy was truely that dangerous millions of people wouldn't do it on a daily basis. I think you also should stay away from google. You can read all there is to know on anything and I won't prepare you for when you are in that situation.

 

[CharlotteH24]

If you have health problems already or you have family history of premature babies then you'll be classed as high risk. They'll let you elect for a C-section if it is safer for you and what you want, they'll do lots of tests on you throughout the pregnancy to make sure you and baby are okay and if there is a drop in either yours or future baby's heart rate during labour then they'll take you into surgery so you both will have the best chance of being safe and well.
There's always the other options of surrogacy or adopting if you can't get over the fear, I know it's not the same as you don't get to carry it or it won't be your own genes but you'll still love them as if they are your own.
There's loads of counselling which you can get without an issue, GP's will happily sit down and lay out the chances of all of these things happening. I think every woman is scared of the complications in pregnancy, it's just a case of weighing up the chances of it.
Definitely don't throw away a relationship over it, there's loads of ways to get around it whether it's counselling or something as huge as adopting an orphaned/unwanted child.