been a bad night

[samanthajayne]

hiya all i just need to have a moan and i am so scared i have hurt my baby.

my brother does not care about the fact i am pregnant. we both still live at home with our parents. we have always been a close family and have always stuck together despite the trouble my brother has caused. my brother has always been very violent and has often beat up his girlfriend in front of us in our house and hasn't stopped even though he said he would when he found out i am pregnant. my mum and dad always scream at him to stop and he just tells them to shut up and stay out of it. but its my parents house i think it is their business when he is doing it in front of them. anyway he ended up beating his girlfriend up again tonight in his room next door to mine and i could hear everything and it really scared me and upset me and i was screaming at them also to stop and crying telling them i am fed up of hearing it. up till now i have always been out when this has happened. i am so scared that the screaming like that and the upset has hurt the baby. i know the baby will hear a lot worse when he/she is being born but it doesn't need to hear screaming now. this is the first time i have got upset like this since being pregnant and i am scared i have hurt and upset my baby

 

[Suzie and Faith]

Babies are hardier than you think and whilst stress isn't good, it's more long-term stress that can cause problems.
But you need to sort something out so that you don't feel like this all of the time. Is there anything your parents can do to help?

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

Ah hon
i am so sorry that you have to listen to your brother doing such horrible things to his girlfriend.
I am sure your baby is fine love just like Suzie said so dont worry about your bubba
Their made of strong stuff though as Suzie said long term stress could be of concern for you not just the baby
Is there no chance of moving out? or him moving out ? though i think he's the one who needs to walk
You NEED to talk to you parents this cant continue, they have to do something about you brother.
You our going to have a baby soon i would not want to bring a child back into a violent enviroment even if it wasnt leveled at me.


Why is she still with him?

Big hugs from me

 

[sarafet]

sweetheart please don't worry about baby, your little one will be absolutely fine

the only thing i would be worried about is when he/she is born, that's not really a good atmosphere for a baby it's not even a good atmosphere for a pregnant lady, you don't need that kind of stress hun

i hope you're ok hun

xxx

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

Really sorry to hear of your troubles with your brother - it sounds like a right nightmare situation (our family has had a lot of problems with my younger brother too although I've long moved out - he didn't beat anyone up but he had violent tantrums and took over the house with his mates, music, and verbally abused everyone).

I would agree with everyone else - your baby will be absolutely fine but I do think you should be thinking about reducing your stress levels - both for now and the future. Is there no way you could move somewhere else (I know it is really difficult - I left home to study in order to get out of that environment, and I didn't have a baby to think about back then). Is there any way your brother could move out? (if he's anything like mine, not a chance, and my parents would never have given him the boot!). You could try talking to your parents/ brother to try and resolve the situation but I do think it would really be worth looking at other options as you'll have enough stress with a baby, without having to worry about these things; at the end of the day it's probably not the best environment for either of you.

Really hope you can get this resolved asap - all the very best

 

[samanthajayne]

thankyou all

i feel ok now. after argueing with my mum and telling her she is a bad mum and other horrible stuff he has gone out so the house is quiet again now.

i have been talking to the baby telling him/her how horrible uncle nathan is and to ignore his horrible behaviour. despite what my brother has done in the past he is still my mums golden boy. she will argue with him all the time but still do things for him and give him money for things. i am 25 now and he is 23 and yes we both should have moved out years and years ago but like i say we are a close family and i love being around my parents all the time i couldn't imagine being without them. and my boyfriend has a rubbish job and only has a 1 bedroom house and i'm not working so its not like we could both afford a bigger place together. we are considering a move to scotland together in a few years time but he has a little boy down here and that would make it quite difficult at the moment but we are going on holiday to scotland in march i can't wait to get away i really love it up there we go to a little place called alness where his sister lives and its so beautiful. if it does get too bad the further i get into my pregnancy i will probably go and stay with my boyfriend temporarily. my mum shouts at him tells him not to be the way he is because it upsets me and he doesn't care and carrys on he is so selfish its unbelievable yet when he is in a good mood he is the best brother in the world but that doesn't happen often anymore. its just getting so hard to live with him. my mum has tried to get him a flat but he is on benefits and nowhere will accept him until he is 25. he is just so out of control its scary. he is suppost to be on a waiting list for anger management but hasn't got an appointment with anyone yet. they have been together for 4 years and its pretty much been violent all the way through but they won't let each other go and nobody can understand why. but maybe it will end now as my mum let it out to her that he has been seeing another girl for 8 months behind her back and now my brother is aiming all his anger at my mum. my brother often says he hates us all and calls my mum the worst names imaginable and always threatens to hit my dad who is 65 if he dares buts in. he really needs help or pills or something.

can't wait to find out if baby is a boy or girl then i can stop saying he/she or it

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

Ah Sweetheart
Dont know what to add apart from i wish i could wave a magic wand and make it all better.

Cant the council help get yourself on the waiting list as your pregnant you may be in with a chance of geeting housed somewhere especialy as your partners flat is too small.
Wish you all the best hon
Lol Sarah

 

[Kimbo]

 

[MissSara]

Sounds like a bad atmosphere for both you and the baby, maybe your brother needs to understand that its not on what hes doing, he's upsetting everyone.

 

[jue]

Jesus!!!!!

Your parents need to take a good look at your brother, no wonder he acts like this when they treat him like the golden boy, give him money and make excuses for him.

None of you should have to live like that, your parents should give him a good kick up the arris and make him go get a job and tell him in no uncertain terms that his behaviour is not acceptable.

As for threatening to hit your old dad my heart is pounding after reading that.

My son is 15, and although I buy him the essentials he earns his own money for treats, and he would never raise his voice to me let alone threaten to smack me.

Your brother is 23 high time he learned to fend for himself.

I feel really sorry for you maybe you should think about moving out, I am sure the council would help, if not there are plenty of domestic violence helplines and such, give one of them a ring, as domsetic violence does not have to come from a partner.

You and your baby deserve a peaceful life.

 

[Sherlock]

As others have said, your LO will be fine in there

With regards to the situation at home, there really is no excuse for domestic violence such as what your brother is doing. I find it hard to believe he is allowed to get away with it.

If he is signed up for anger management that is at least a start, but in the meantime he really should be addressing his temper as it sounds out of control. And no matter what he or others might say, there is no excusing it. Where is it going to stop is how I see it.

FWIW I'd not want to bring a baby into that environment. I'd be looking to move out somewhere and away from him and his temper. Even if you are close to your parents, your LO will be seeing the behaviour of your brother (and your Mum and his GF in forgiving him every time) and might think this is acceptable and its how women should be treated.

Is your BF happy for you to move in with him? Why is a one bedroomed house to small for the time being? LO will be in with you till about 6 months as a rule, so there is plenty of time to get organised and try to find something a bit bigger. You could look for a part time job now even. No reason not to, even though PG. And your BF can look for better paid work also if he wishes. So many possibles rather than just staying with the negative one you are in. I'd stop trying to make excuses about the possibles.

It isn't going to happen unless you make it happen. Nothing will come to you without you going looking for it is my belief. I'd be looking to change things as it seems no one else will. You are old enough to stand on your own two feet and make your own life, don't be afraid of doing so

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation and I can really sympathise, as I think I said before. My brother still lives with my parents at 30 and does some stuff that I think is bang out of order still although he has really settled down a lot now. My parents have also never put their foot down and made him get a job, fend for himself, and because the way he has treated my olds, it has really affected my relationship with him. We are both very close to our parents though and I do want my bro to have a relationship with the girls but I would march them out the minute he started misbehaving!! I largely keep my mouth shut now but I don't think that I could actually live with them, even if I had to!!!

I agree with Sherlock, I do think that although you're close you may be better out of the situation, especially with a baby; if you still live close to your parents you can still see them loads, and the relationship between you, them, and your brother will likely get even better. As for your bro, it is good that he has signed up for anger management, and maybe he'll improve if his relationship ends but largely it's up to your parents to really tell him whats what!! I really hope they can be stronger than mine were - when I see them now, my Dad at 70 and pretty ill, and my Mum doing much much more than she should running around after them both, I feel so sad! I think they deserve much much better! However, I've got my own family now and I have to put them first, and this will be the same for you soon too.

All the very best