Need some advise - not really pregnancy related!! *UPDATED*

[Sophie1102]

I'm feeling just the same as Tilly!!! My hormones are going mad and have been for two days and can't seem to snap out of it, it's because OH wants to go on his brothers stag weekend when the baby is only 8 weeks old and I'm not happy about it, his brother and fiance think he has to go as it's his brother, yet last year when the boys went away for a weekend to donnington OH's brother said he couldn't go as their baby was only 3 months old and he couldn't leave them, plus they didn't have any money (she has given up work) and they are getting married in August, have asked OH to be usher and witness but he has to pay for the hire of his own suit so it matches what she wants!! and it's gonna cost £125!!!

I havn't spoken properly to him since Friday, do you think I am over reacting???

Sorry for the long rant, i've been really happy up untill now!!!

 

[Bee]

sorry to hear u aren't feeling happy

I would sit down and talk to him - explain that u need him around and that things will be hard with the baby on your own

I hope u get it sorted

 

[Sophie1102]

Thanks Bee, but the only problem with that is I have two children already they are 8 and 7 and i've brought them up on my own since the youngest was 4 months old, so he thinks I'll cope just fine.

I'm annoyed with him but also frustrated with his SIL as when she didn't want her OH to go away he didn't but she expects my OH to go and me to be fine with it, it so hate the double standards!!!

 

[Bloom]

Thats a tough one Sophie i can see both sides of the coin as it is his brother so it would be a shame for him to miss out but i dont know how often does he go out with the lads, but with an 8 week old plus your two girls you will have your hands full.

Is there anyway he could go for part of the weekend one night?

As for paying for the hire of the suit i can relate to that as my sister is getting maried this year and i have to buy my own bridesmaid dress and oh has to pay for hire of his suit.

 

[Manda&Thomas]

im not sure what advice i can give hun
i dont think your being unresonable at all
try telling him that you really dont think its fair that he goes
manda xx

 

[Sophie1102]

Thanks Bloom, I know I'll be OK with the children, I'm a qualified TA and am registered as a childmider, its more the principle of it really, he's also being a typical man and not wanting to miss out on all of the fun but he would never have the children by hisself for that long.

And i really think that if your gonna get married then you should pay for it yourself!!!!!!!!

Sorry I really need to let this go

 

[Bee]

I still don't think he should go - even if u have 2 other kids and have brought them up on your own.

Personally I would want the support from my partner especially so soon after the birth.

 

[Bloom]

Thanks Bloom, I know I'll be OK with the children, I'm a qualified TA and am registered as a childmider, its more the principle of it really, he's also being a typical man and not wanting to miss out on all of the fun but he would never have the children by hisself for that long.

And i really think that if your gonna get married then you should pay for it yourself!!!!!!!!

Sorry I really need to let this go

I think if it was me i would be happy for my oh to go for one night but not a whole weekend and lets not forget he will probaly come back hungover and tired so will be useless for another day an 8 week old baby is enough to deal with im sure you will cope fine but like you said its the principle of the matter im sure if you wanted a weekend or a night away he wouldnt be happy with you going. Maybe he could organise a 2nd stag night out closer to home and one night.

 

[Sophie1102]

Believe me I really don't want him to go but I also don't want to be the one who says not to go, I would prefer it if he said I WANT to stay at home with you and the new baby

 

[Bee]

Yeah I understand that - I HATE making people do something they don't want to. I rather they wanted to aswell

Sorry don't know what else to say apart from MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Sophie1102]

Yep totally agree with you, it's nice to know that i'm not the only one finding it hard to come to a proper decision!!!

MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Bloom]

Tell him you dont want him to go and why (without raising your voice) and that as you will have a newborn baby you would like to spend the time together but its his choice and you cant stop him then he will feel guilty about it if he does go.

 

[Tillytots]

oh hun

Id not want him to go either, for all the reasons you dont. Im guessing you discussed your reasons with OH on friday? Really he should understand, especially as the same thing happened with his SIL when she had a little baby and it was ok for his bro to stay home. The paying for suit hire is an added Grrrrrrr - takes the pee a little

xx

 

[Sophie1102]

I haven't actually told him I don't want him to go, just said it was up to him, but made it quite clear that his bother didn't go last year, but I was about 8 weeks pregnant when the idea of having a whole weekend away (Friday, sat and coming back Sun afternoon hungover!!) was discussed I made it quite clear then that I wouldn't want him to go away and leave me and from how I have been since he was told the exact date I'm dam sure he knows I don't want him to go.

 

[Happybunny]

I hope you get it sorted honey. I have read this with interest as I am in exactly the same position. I don't want my OH to go away for the whole weekend too. I wouldn't be happy leaving the baby with him all weekend (not because I don't trust him - I would miss him and the baby and I would want to share the work load) so I don't see why he should swan off for a whole weekend and leave me to it.

 

[Tillytots]

ahh I see. Maybe just say " our LO will only be 8 weeks old then, are you going to go?" "they'll understand if you dont, after all your bro and his Mrs had the same situation and they were fine about it, plus we could do with the £125 COULDNT WE DARLING! " and see what he says

xx

 

[Sherlock]

I do think its a bit cheeky to be expected to pay for the suit, if its something the bride is wanting worn, so everyone looks the same. But then I don't know what the usual form is for that sort of thing. It may be standard practice, but tbh, unless I could wear my own clothes, I'd expect it to be paid for, or at least met half way with the costs. Mind you, every time I've been asked to be a bridesmaid I turned it down flat. No way was any meringue wearing friend of mine getting me to wear a dreaded bridesmaid dress I was quite happy watching from a pew or wherever thank you very much. In trousers. Black ones

Re the stag weekend... Tricky one. Bit crap as again its double standards. I'd be inclined to be ok with a night, but a whole weekend is maybe going a bit to far, if you are left at home with a baby so young.

 

[muppetmummy]

I don't blame you for being annoyed. I agree with the above, maybe compromise on 1 night but put your foot down about him going for the whole weekend

 

[JP]

I as a man think he is being unreasonable. I am missing out on a stag due when baby arrives. Its my BIL to be.

Told him straight out that we would be expecting baby around that time and that I wouldn't be able to go (Andrea wasn't even pregnant at that point)

Also we have just got married. Not sure what your SIL is having, church or registry office. I think if she wants matching outfits, that she forks out for them herself.

The only matching parts we had were myself and the two kids had red items that matched Andrea's dress.

Sit him down and explain that you will need his support with baby. £125 on suit hire is a lot just for one day. Especially when you have a newborn:

 

[SuziQ]

Could you maybe say to him.. that you're worried.. as 'worst case' scenario.. would be that .. Example:
The baby is late.... so would only be 5-6 weeks old when he went away..
and what IF you had to have a C-section... where you are pretty much bed-bound, house-bound for a few weeks.. and would need him to help you out??
Hope he comes round to your (and our) way of thinking?

xx