Baby visitors

[stacey_lea86]

How do you deal with people wanting to visit? Being in Germany we are alone as a family; me, hubby and our 2 children and the pug

With our first child I was living with hubbys parents, so they were around 24/7 & i developed PND.

With our daughter, we were married & in our house. Husbands parents were living in Turkey & had come over round the birth time & also a funeral which was happening on my due date. They had stayed over the night I went into labour after I had said I wanted to be alone to bond & get used to the baby. Although they weren't staying with us. We did see alot of them in the first days! I also developed PND after this birth.

This time, things are different, we're living in Germany & I have said to my husband I want to be alone for the first few weeks to bond with the baby. Get into my routine of things with the other children going to school. Especially with Hubby planning on taking his PAT leave at X-mas. I want to get things done MY WAY, get the children used to the baby, myself getting used to having a baby around again. I don't want the added stress of people staying over with us & me worrying & getting annoyed with people sticking noses in & not letting me do the things the way I WANT to do! (hope this makes sense) silly things like 'I'll hold the baby while you go get a bottle, you get the children off the bus while I watch the baby'

I don't want to sound mean, rude or uninviting in anyway. I absolutely LOVE his parents and would have them over to live with us if I wasn't expecting so soon

I've just polutely asked when are they thinking of coming over & the response was 'when the next cheapest flight becomes available'

How do you politely say without hurting peoples feelings that you don't want anyone to come?

Please say if you think I am being unreasonable in any way. This is just the way I want things to be this time.

How have you all dealt with vistors?

 

[Mrs N]

Im worried about this to be honest as i am quite strickt in that I dont want people seeing me in hospital and coz I would like to breast feed I would like time at home to get that right. I dont mind people 'popping' over for a cup of tea but I dont want to have people hanging round for hours and I dont want to be providing food!! THing im worried about is that hubbie (who likes to please everyone) will not make this clear to his family and there will be a problem when my baby comes!! My family and friends are very easy going and will do as I want but his will be a problem!!
I think that the bes thing to do is get things clear early on and then there isnt any confusion. Couldyour in laws maybe stay in a hotel? Give you guys some space and then they can still see the baby?
xxxx

 

[Mrs. KM]

I hope it works out for you. i think you should be honest and tell them not to come until a specific date. This is my first and i am having the same problem. Both my parents and OH's parents live a 5 hour and 10 hour drive away. My parents are understanding and will wait until we ask them to come, but OH's parents have said they plan to leave as soon as they know we are in labour. No way! We want at least a few days on our own to bond with the baby, plus i plan on breastfeeding so I don't want my parents and his parents here at same time. oh thinks it would be fine if they all came at the same time, but then everyone will want to be holding my baby all the time, and i know i will get overwhelmed. I want my parents to come first because i will be much more comfortable learning to breastfeed around my mom. Then oh's parents can come when they leave. I told OH he doesn't have a say in this. We are the ones who have to go through the labour pains, and then learn to breastfeed. I am hoping everyone is understanding, because they don't have a choice lol.

 

[BabyBrain]

Look lol you aren't playing the game here rofl. There must be something infectious that someone can "get" that's totally harmless but still meaning all visitors have to stay away for at least 3 weeks? If there isn't, invent something I would

 

[stacey_lea86]

Look lol you aren't playing the game here rofl. There must be something infectious that someone can "get" that's totally harmless but still meaning all visitors have to stay away for at least 3 weeks? If there isn't, invent something I would

I Like your way of thinking

 

[Mrs N]

love it baby brain!! YOu are an evil genius!!
xxx

 

[Sarah13]

I'm the opposite and hate the thought nobody will be around as our families live at least 8 hours drive away! I have told everyone to come when they like but they can't stay as we have nowhere to put them all so they need to find b&bs! Maybe you could get them to stay else where so they pop in rather than smoother you? You know what mums are like they can't wait to see their new grandchild, it's a special time for them too, you just need to set up some boundaries about visiting times etc. Remember PND could also strike if your lonely too, hormones do funny things, esp if your hubby is getting detached not long after your due date.

 

[k8_005]

i would just ring them and explain honestly that while you love them and apprichiate all thier support you just want 2 weeks for you and hubby plus children to all spend time as a family getting to know the new addition and after that they are welcome to come, you know how invaluable their expierinace and help is but its a chance for you to enjoy a special new born bonding session, you hope they understand and that you will email them lots of photos so they wont be missing out and look forward to them flying out to visit after the 2 weeks of quality time xxx

 

[k8_005]

Look lol you aren't playing the game here rofl. There must be something infectious that someone can "get" that's totally harmless but still meaning all visitors have to stay away for at least 3 weeks? If there isn't, invent something I would

i say a common cold there must be a cousin who could pop by and sneeze on them!!! lol love this idea from you baby brain!!!! xx

 

[hellywelly]

Due to having PND previously, could you say that your midwife has recommended that you have 'alone' bonding time in order to try and minimise this happening again? They can't really argue about this and would then seem very mean if they tried to push themselves on you when it has been recommended by a 'medical professional'!!?? Just a thought. And when they do arrive, make sure they head for a hotel!!!!

 

[stacey_lea86]

Well because my husband cannot grow any balls & explain anything to his Mum about coming over (He think's because she loves me more than him I should tell her)

So we've decided that WE are to book & pay for their flights then they cannot argue about coming then. We know they are a little financially down so they cannot argue surely!

I Said to OH last night. I don't want you to be in work & me getting frustrated at no peace & quiet. I could just see me hibernatingh in my bedroom most of the day with the baby just to have 'my time' with him! I want the children to have their own special time with the baby aswell as OH & I want our PUG Mr Murph to be used to having him around. I want to be a happy host & not just getting pissed off at every comment or remark that could be made! I am wanting my routine set in place from day dot a routine I need to set myself that fits in with school runs etc!

that was a bit of a hormonal post there today from me

 

[KBrady]

Definitely stick to your guns and don't give in! Those first few weeks are so important - as you know from your previous babies, your hormones will be all over the place and you NEED that time to establish some sort of routine without spectators offering advice and opinions.

My baby girl is 6 weeks old now and my OH's parents (who live in Canada) came over when she was 2 weeks old (after I put my foot down when they wanted to come ON my due date!); even 2 weeks wasn't enough to really get to grips with it all - although she is my first - having his parents, sister and granny there EVERY DAY, sometimes they'd arrive before I'd even come downstairs in the morning! It was the most stressful time of my life, I was seriously traumatised following the birth and getting constant "how was the labour/stitches/infection etc etc?" questions upset me soooo much!

Hold your ground and if they seem annoyed in any way then I agree with hellywelly - tell them you've been told by a doctor you should have "x" amount of alone time to avoid the PND again.

Good luck!!!

x

 

[TORino]

I worry about this a lot.

In my family and OHs family there is this tradition going where everyone seems to go down to the hospital the day the baby is born. I don't like those sort of expectations on me at all. I have told hubby and he said I will have to get over myself! If he invites my MIL down just after I have popped it out I'll be very cross with him.

 

[pinkyprincess]

It's such a difficult one! I'd like to think the 'mothers' in my family will understand but it's hard to not offend anyone!

 

[BabyBrain]

I worry about this a lot.

In my family and OHs family there is this tradition going where everyone seems to go down to the hospital the day the baby is born. I don't like those sort of expectations on me at all. I have told hubby and he said I will have to get over myself! If he invites my MIL down just after I have popped it out I'll be very cross with him.

My family are like this so I am hoping I will be smacked out of my head on gas and air and look like a cross between Sideshow Bob and Alice Cooper.....they won't hang around too long then

 

[hellywelly]

In fairness our local hospital is very like a prison - they are ridiculously strict on visiting hours and numbers and make extras wait outside, so just make sure you fill the spaces quick and they won't be allowed in!!!