Baby Blues... dont be ashamed or scared.

[Pudds86]

Hi Girls,

This is not intended to make any of you worried but to spread the word about the days following birth and the feelings you may encounter. I thought I would create a thread in here about my experience of the baby blues after giving birth to my beautiful baby boy on 29th November. I wish someone had done this for me and warned me about the effect of tiredness and hormones on my body / emotions.

The first 3 days after having Campbell I was so happy and overwhelmed although tired! On the 4th day I felt drastically different. The baby hadn't been sleeping much and I was EXHAUSTED. I felt overcome with the feeling that I was now TRAPPED in my new life as a Mom. I wondered what made me want to have a baby and the sudden responsibility of my baby was the most daunting and suffocating thing. I was ANXIOUS come mid afternoon thinking about what was to come that evening. I felt like I wasnt bonding with Campbell very much and that maybe I didnt love him as much as I should? One afternoon I was sat with my husband and I started to have a PANIC ATTACK. I couldnt speak to him and I felt hot and my heart was racing. Once I calmed down my emotions took over and I broke down. This was the best thing for me to do!

After speaking to Carl, I googled my symptoms and found that I was suffering from the Baby Blues. It is a TEMPORARY form of MILD DEPRESSION that VERY commonly follows birth. The mixture of hormones in your system and the lack of sleep can make you have all of the above symptons. 60%-80% of us will suffer from it. After realising what was happening to me I felt 100 times better. I also opened up to my friend who is also a new Mom and she too said she had these feelings. My own Mom also said she had these feelings with all 3 of her children. Why doesnt anyone talk about it then?!?!?

I think this needs to be talked about more. If my midwife had sat down with me and prepared me that this could happen to me I would not have thought I was losing my mind. I had the most horrible and scary thoughts and honestly thought I was a terrible Mom for feeling this way.

I just want you all to be more prepared for this than I was and to know that you are NOT the only person who feels this way. It is very common and completely normal and talking to others about how you are feeling will make you feel much better. I have never suffered from depression and thought this would be the LAST thing I would be affected by but the ressurance I got from talking helped me immensely. The Baby Blues often sets in from the 3rd and 4th day and will leave of its own accord after about a week. Mine lasted about 4 days and although I am still tired I no longer feel anxious or trapped and I feel like I am bonding brilliantly with the babe.

I hope this helps you and I am here for anyone who goes through this after having your little bubs. Message me if you need any advice or just want to talk.

Lorah

xxxx

P.S sorry its long!

 

[lealea85]

My mum told me she had this, in fact all the women in my family suffered with it so I was told to expect it but nothing prepares you for motherhood or the emotions that come after.
All the books/advice won't help.
I'm already having anxiety issues and panicking about what's gonna happen when baby arrives.
My mind is already playing games on me but just think "Ahhh here we go again" n the first time I told someone all they said was "oh, it's just because ur pregnant"......so I don't bother speak to anyone as that's the response I expect, despite what I'm thinking n feeling is very real. Not pregnancy hormones. I'm genuinely scared

 

[MrsR]

What a wonderful idea x tbh all the midwives I spoke to and my hv all talked to me about the '3 day blues' (so called as it usually occurs on or around the 3rd day after giving birth) and the emotions I might go through x they were fab x I didn't really have the 3 day blues badly and mine were all focused on my decision to bottle feed rather than anything else x I was lucky-I cried my eyes out on the 4th day believing I'd let my little boy down (absolute bollocks btw), I felt inconsolable! Thankfully my OH is wonderful! He ran me a candle lit bath, took Seb off me and when I'd had the bath he reassured me I was a wonderful mummy!

It's so common that my hv said she'd worry more if I'd of said that everything was fabulous and it was really easy!

It's all about hormone changes/sleep deprivation and a drop in the adrenaline and oxytocin you naturally produce during labour and birth x x

 

[flexilexi394]

Thank you very much pudds. That's very kind of you to tell us this, especially first timers!

I dont know much about this, and also don't know what to expect, but that has genuinely helped me, so if I do think I'm going mad and want to throw the baby out the window it's good to know it's ok to feel like this lol.

I agree, it does need to be talked about more. It's almost like once you've become a mum, you are in competition with fellow mums and have to be the best, most efficient, happiest person ever. I almost know I'm not going to feel like that, I'll probably be an emotional wreck! X

 

[lealea85]

My middle name is emotional, so it's gonna be super hard lexi.

 

[Pudds86]

The worst thing for me was that although I was a 1st timer, I have always been around babies and thought I would be the ace Mom who already knew all the tips. My expectations of myself were too high. I knew what Baby Blues were but never once thought I would get it. It was the most horrible time and I wasnt warned about it. Its almost like woman who have had it keep it a secret from everyone.

Baby Blues though is not to be confused with Post Natal Depression though. This is a completly different kettle of fish and is often undiagnosed. If these feelings continue on for longer than a couple of weeks pls speak to your HV.
xx

 

[x.Lilly.x]

I had exactly that with my son, on the 4th day was blubbering my eyes out saying to my mum ''why do i feel like this? i love him so much but feel so down!''
but after a week it had gone and i felt okay again

 

[JJ Mum]

Ahh Well done you Pudds , great idea for posting this up, for new mums to be ready, and so they can warn their oh's to be ready.

Yes I had this with all of mine, for a few days and it seems to be on the day when your milk comes in properly and when your sleep derivation and hormones are at their peak. It does go away, and if it doesn't do speak to health visitor about it straightaway. With my first mine didn't go away and was more like post natel depression , and I tried to fool the health visitor that all was well, and all this does it mae the problem worse and last longer as you don't get help, so be honest with them if your struggling, and they will help guide you through it asap.

The health visitor will run through a questionaire to asses how our feeling, so be honest -there is never shame in not coping, and it doesn't label you a bad mum!

A problem shared is really a problem halved - it's true X

Thanks Pudds X

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

Mine kicked in on day 6!! No one was allowed to hold charley and if they did I'd be screaming in my head to put him down! I'd also cry for no reason! I had a pain in my bum so I cried, the tea I cooked tasted awful so I cried lol luckily it only lasted a day!!

 

[Rayoflight]

I'd heard about this and researched it before Blake arrived. I was lead to believe that it happens on day 3/4 when your milk comes in so I has warned Shaun that we were to have no visitors then. I read lots of advice from women who recommended banning visitors round this time to avoid extra unnecessary stress.

We actually spent days 1-3 travelling round visiting family and friends (all on our terms) then from day 4-10 we basically stayed home with no visitors whilst we adjusted to life as a family. If we went anywhere it was for a nice lunch or some shopping but just us three.
I think because I was prepared for it, it didn't happen. We didn't ban visitors as such but getting visits out the way in the first few days meant we were left alone and it was great, I didn't have to worry about the house being a mess, unwanted visitors, breastfeeding worries etc. And most importantly we were able to sleep when he slept without having to entertain people and that rest was so important.

I felt down when Shaun went back to work after two weeks but that was more loneliness than anything else.

I think if you can keep days 3-6 to yourself whilst your milk comes in it helps. Get as much rest as you can in those first weeks as the sleep deprivation is difficult.

All bloody worth it though girls! Xxx

 

[SmallPurpleCat]

Well done for posting this Pudds. It was mentioned at our NCT class but it's good to hear about it from someone in person and that it is only a temporary state!

 

[Pudds86]

I definately agree with Gemma...we travelledto others on days 1-3 of being home. This way we didnt worry about house being messy and had control of when we could leave. Having no visitors after that was great but talking about wat was happening to me was the best piece of advice i could give xxx

 

[lealea85]

Pudds, I can relate. I have 10 godchildren, was there for all their births, 4 of them I see all the time n helped raise them.
But I have this daunting feeling that it just won't be the same.
I guess it's better to acknowledge these things from now rather than after when it's too late to see what's coming.
My midwife hasn't mentioned any of this to me, I moved in with my cousin for a month after she had her Lil one as she suffered really bad PN depression. Had to keep her active n chirpy.
Luckily she didn't end up on antidepressants like my mum/aunts.

Fingers crossed we all catch it in time or have someone close by who will clock on to the signs even if we don't notice them.

 

[kellylou]

Fab pudds! I had c section so was in hospital for 2 days after he was born so was lucky to have most visitors then and as my delivery had been quite stressful emotions were running high anyway. The day my milk came in was thurs 4 days after delivery and i cried when the mw came and cried at every little thing but it didnt last x dont be scared girls if u feel low come on here instant reassurance x

 

[Pudds86]

Just thought I would raise this again!

 

[Princess81]

Thanks for this hun, one of my friends has warned me about it, but I'm sure that there are lots of girls who aren't aware of this and I'm sure it's scary if you aren't prepared for the possibility that it might happen x

 

[Lisa_85]

Thanks for this thread, I've already been told its normal not to get the overwhelming feeling of love straight after birth but no one warned me about this. I'm really emotional anyway so i will watch out for this x

 

[Cazzlou]

everyone i know had the baby blues a few days after arrival.

with dd i remember crying over tea for no reason at all. infact i was between laughing and crying as i had no idea why i was crying.

my friend was the same she sat eating tea and started crying but didnt know why another friend was out walking her baby, saw me and burst into tears.

its perfectly normal to get this.

 

[knopk@]

In my NCT class they talked about it so I was aware. It didnt happen to me but tiredness got to me 3/4 weeks later having a reflux baby and struggling with BFing and I had a cry.

Lack of sleep does this to people but women should be aware its normal to have baby blues and should look out for PND symptoms (well, their partners ideally need to know about PND symptoms as well)

 

[ForestLas80]

Thanks for the warning, it kind of slipped my mind what with the excitement of being full term now will def prepare my OH for this and how to not over-react or worry. Kxx