at breaking point now.

[leannesxb]

Ladies I feel so awful posting this thread and I know I will be judged by people but I am at breaking point now. I think I may have postnatal depression. Thinks have been so rough during the pregnancy and with the birth and now with AJs constant screaming, not sleeping, the wind that won't come up cos my hands with the arthritis are not strong enough to get it up, the reflux and OH not helping I am losing the will to live. Last night at 3am all I wanted to do was leave AJ to cream and pack my bags.

It hurts me so much to wind him cos it can take hours to come up even with infacol and gripe water. He screams and wriggles and throws himself on my arms. I have a huge bruise appear this morning where he did it so many times last night. I look at him at the moment and all I see is hard work, exhaustion and pain that he has caused me and my body since pregnancy. I have been in so much pain I have forgotten what it is like to be painfree for even a day. I know its not his fault but I am so scared I will snap with him. I can't put him down he just has to cling to me all the time.

My family won't help - my brother has 2 under the age of 2years himself and when I had a moan at mum the other day her response was well you decided to have him!!! I have lost contact with most of my mates cos they are out with lives of their own and I can't go any where or do anything cos of the arthritis and the pain and now the screaming baby.

The OH went to work today and I could have clung to legs like a child and begged him not to go cos I cannot bare the thought of another day like this. Not that he helps anyway. He never does a night feed and will only do things if I ask him to which then turns into a row cos I hate asking for his help all the time.

I haven't had a bath in weeks or washed my hair in days. I can't even get dressed in peace. I haven't eaten a hot meal since being in hospital. I make theirs and then hold the baby so they can eat by the time I get mine its stone cold and I have to shovel it down cos AJ is screaming. If I put him down screaming and leave the room for a break he makes himself sick then I have to clear that up too. I can't keep on top of the housework and hte the place looking horrible, I have to cook every day and I never get any time to have a breather. I am so exhausted and feel broken spirited. I am in tears as I write this cos I haven't stopped crying since 3am.

I have constant feelings of guilt. Guilt that I couldn't take care of AJ during pregnancy properly, that I used to smoke and drink before him, that I wanted a c-section so bad I ended up with a emergency one, that I din't breast feed maybe his feeding problems wouldn't be so bad, that I made a fuss about my pain cos I could have kept him in longer, that my son is trying to do school work and sleep with a screaming baby, that I am asking people for help all the time and mostly guilt that I don't look at AJ with loving feelings right now. He has always felt like someone elses baby not mine.

I'm sorry ladies I know some of you tried so hard for your babies and I don't mean to be disrespectful to you all but I wish I had never done this.

 

[TORino]

Aw hun

You have a lot on your plate to deal with there and are clearly lacking in support to help you deal with it. Can you have words with your OH?? He needs to man up and help out more. You shouldn't be cooking dinner holding the baby - cant he do that job for you? He should be helping in the night as well so you can get rest.

A high maintenance baby with support is really difficult to handle and you gave your health problems on top.

Don't beat yourself up about your pregnancy, the little man made it here safe and sound so you did your job properly.

If you think you are depressed, which I wouldn't be surprised given what you have to cope with, speak to someone. The GP or health visitor

Xxxxx

 

[Mrs. KM]

You poor thing! It is really hard having a baby let alone a baby who cries all the time, and plus you have health problems. I found the first 6 weeks the hardest. Suddenly at 6 weeks Iwas able to put K on her playmat and she would be content for about twenty minutes. I put her on her pllaymat in the bathroom and have a nice shower now! In the beginning I had many days where I really seriously wished she could go back in my belly for a few weeks. It was just a huge shock how difficult it was. Hormones don't help either! Also, don't worry about not breastfeeding. A lot of our lo's that are bf still have reflux issues... It's that their little bodies aren't fully developed, not whether they have breastmilk or formula. However, what kind of milk has he been drinking? One of the girls on here had a baby who cried a lot and after doctors didn't do much, she put the baby on soy milk to see if the baby was sensitive to dairy/lactose intolerant, and it helped her a lot. I also think you need tolet your oh know how you feel and that you need his help... Write him a letter maybe? And if you think you have pnd, see a doc as it will help you loads! I hope you feel better!!! Xxxxx

 

[cosmicgirl]

Oh how awful you feel this way. Your oh needs to step up and be more supportive, lack of support with a lo can be emotionally and physically devastating.
Letting lo cry and leaving the room will do him no harm when you feel at breaking point.
Go to your GP about both your feelings and your pain, that needs to be remedied ASAP. Don't worry about housework for now, it will still be there tomorrow.
Oh has to give you time to eat, bath and wash your hair. You will then feel a lot better.
I'd be having stern words with him x

 

[charlie26]

Awww Leanne I am so sorry u feel like this, my first lo used to scream all the time and i remember ringing my mum to come and pick him up, I had 2 hours break and it felt great.
Could you not sit your mum down and tell her how u feel? I'm sure once u have explained she will help. As for oh, can he not see how exhausted u are? Also there is support groups available, u need to speak to your health visitor or gp.
Don't suffer alone cos it will only get worse .
We're all here for u, giving u a big hug xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Mrsstuart01]

I don't know if this will be something you're interested in or not but my mum works for a charity called Homestart (we are in Scotland but I'm positive it will either be in England or have an equivalent) and they may be able to help you.
They work with families with ore- school age children and have volunteers that will come and help you with the baby. The idea is not to come and clean your house or anything but even take the, to the park for a while s you can have time for a bath and shower and a bit of a break.
One thing I would look into (if you are able with your arthritis) is baby massage- sorry I'm new on here so not sure if it's something you've looked into already! It can really help with colic and wind and chill the babies out- have also heard slings or baby carriers are good for getting rid of wind.
My thoughts are with you and I hope you get some help somewhere as its a very big job to do alone xx

 

[BevG]

aww hun dont feel bad. firstly i wouldnt be urprised at all if your bit depressed, you have had such a rough time so go the gp and ask for help.
never feel bad for asking for help and with your oh dont ask just dump the baby on him, i do lol. my oh is great but even i have wanted to smash the baby against the wall to shut her up one night. the important thing is that we dont do it. it really does get easier around 6 weeks and wanting to get away from them does not mean you dont love them. noone can take that level of stress 24/7 no matter who they are or why theyre doing it. could your son maybe take his little brother for a walk in his pram while you have a bath, just round the block?

 

[Cazzlou]

So sorry to hear you are feeling like this I wish I were nearer to come help.

You have so much on with little/ no support. I remember my dd was a crier and she used to be so bad I'd sit outside while she was inside just to get a break

Could you speak to your health visitor about support in the area?

On the winding have you tried laying him on his tummy across your legs and rubbing his back it's not as strenuous on your joints that way x

 

[bidsy]

please speak to your doctor or midwife hun you need some help bless you. there is no wonder you are depressed. you need to have a word with your other half and ask your mum again for a bit of help. If you need to leave little one in his cot and he is crying he cant harm himself for 10 mins while you compose yourself. hoping things get better but pls talk to someone x

 

[Mrs N]

Im so sorry that you are feeling like this, I felt exactly the same for the first 8 or 9 weeks to be honest but it does get better!! HArrison is now nearly 12 weeks and he can play happily for about 30 mins on his own (once he is fed and all that) so I do have a chance to eat or have a sit down!! My main problem was that I wasnt eating coz I didnt have the tie and believe me it makes such a difference!! Also dont beat yourself up about the bf, if formula wasnt a really good alternative then they wouldnt make it and to be honest harrison was worse when he was bf!!
xxxx

 

[Samsgirl]

oh sweetheart..i also felt like this initially...riddled with guilt over the bad labour, felt like she wasnt mine.....didnt have the rush of love etc....

but i am very lucky to have an amazing OH and support network and it has got me through...i have also not had a single day of no pain since i delivered her 8 weeks ago and i wold not have coped had i not had my hubby and my mum and dad....you need to speak to your OH and tell him you need help. if he doesnt support you more then you need to speak to your HV and she will def know of ways to help you...you are not alone in all this hon, even though it feels like it now..

i'm now in control of my feelings (most of the time) and i love her to bits now and i would do it all again..for her...i wont do it again..but i would for her, if that makes sense...but its taken me a long time...

you will get there....these first few weeks are the hardest weeks anyone could go through..xxx

 

[littlemiss83]

I know you probably dont believe this....but I went through exactly the same. every day I wanted to run away, no help from anyone, not having bath or chaging clothes for days, actually feeling like I duno if I wana wake up in the morning. I eventually got some answers...LO had reflux, to me it was good to know there was a reason for the crying. I was reading an article about how reflux mums are more likely to smother their own child due to the constant crying, scary thought!!! Its the constant crying that really gets to you. My LO still cries alot but the reflux meds have helped.

I think you should go to the docs & demand meds for your LO coz they are obviously in alot of pain. Every baby cries alot, reflux babies cry all the time, its very very exhausting. My LO is 6 m/o & last night he wouldn't settle (he's alot better now & doesn't cry as much) but i came down & said i'm going to stay at a hotel, cant do it any more ect ect.

xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Olive]

So sorry you feel this way and are having a bad time I agree, you need to speak to your GP and HV chicky. There is no shame in PND or feeling depressed and you will be able to get the help and support you need. I also think you need to be honest and tell your husband and Mum how you feel. I'm sure they would be more supportive if they knew. You know that everyone is here for you when you need to vent and no one will judge you at all.xxxx

 

[My1stBaby]

oh leanne it really really is hard for any new mum, let alone onewith a constantly screaming baby!! i find it hard enough when max cries for 15 mins !!

i dont have any advice really except you should go to the gp and ask for some help.... i think it will really help. and in relation to a comment earlier, we do have homestart in this country as i used to work with someone that worked for them. i think you should mention it to the health visitor too!!

i really hope it gets better for you, im sending all my love to you xxxxx

 

[tabbi]

oh honey if i could i would come and help but am alittle too far away, you really need a medal hunni its alot to take in, they should help by putting LO on meds they had to with my daughter and her refulx as i sat there and refused to leave til they did something even if it was her been sent to hospital which it ended up been, the house work i ended up leaving as was constantly tried too and hardly ever had a bath, in the end i took her in the bath with me and had her bouncer to the side with a towel in it ready for when i got out and needed to get her out, i would place her in the bouncer cover her then get out and get me in a towel then dress her put her down get me dressed and hoping she'd sleep.

my OH at the time didnt help either but he didnt work just slept all day, it got to the point my HV came out was so worried about it all she got SS involoved to help me out and they put her in nursary twice a week to give me a break and keep ontop of the house work. i know its not something you would like but they helped me out alot and when i was finally stable we were taken off SS that was when she was 6 months old. its worth speaking to someone as i didnt and wish i did. i had no friends/no family willing to help nothing so i have a rough idea where your coming from hun. am really sorry it has come to this for you but we are all here for you no matter what. and if i could help out i would x x x

 

[leannesxb]

Thanks so much ladies. I can't express how greatful I am that I wasn't judged and that you were all so kind with your words. I feel like a drama queen a bit so I am sorry. We took AJ to the emergency docs yesterday. He feels that AJ is allergic to something we are giving him so we have to start a fresh and go back to nothing until we have been up to the pediatrician. I had a very long talk with the OH last night and he experienced a very little of what I had all day last night when AJ screamed after his feed at 7pm. I had a bath with AJ last night which did the both of us good. It eased my joints, his tummy and was a little time together to try and build some bonds. He had his 11pm bottle and cried but not a full on scream but couldn't settle till 1:30am. However he did sleep till 4:20 and had a bottle sleepily then was back asleep in the moses by 5am. He has just woke now for another feed but the OH is doing it so I can just catch up on here. I think last night was a turning point for us. He realises how bad things were as I showed him my post and asked him to read all your lovely replies. I think he felt bad that people I haven't even met were giving me more support than he was. We are going shopping this morning and then he is taking AJ and the dog for a long walk round the park so I can get on with the housework and tonight he has promised me a hot bath on my own and then towards the end when it has cooled down AJ can join me. xxxxx

 

[BabyBrain]

I'm glad you have made your feelings clear sweetie. Men seem to think coping is inbuilt with us, it's not and gone are the days when men stood back from parenting. Don't do the housework later please, take the time to be yourself! Have a nap or just shove chocolate down your throat but please just take the time to relax. Your OH can watch AJ at home after the walk whilst you clean but whilst they are out make it your time.

You have my number sweetie xxxxxxxxx

 

[My1stBaby]

oh leanne im so happy hes sounding alot more supportive now!! not great that it took this long for him to do it but i really hope he sticks with it, its the hardest time of a womans life and men just dont get it at all!

i hope AJ gets help from the paed then, it sounds like some sort of allergy or something and fingers crossed it doesnt take long to sort out.

we are all here whenever you need us xxxxxxx

 

[Mrs. KM]

That's great! I'm so glad you talked to your oh. I think showing him the thread helped him see how difficult it is to be a mom. We may have the instinct to take care of a baby, but it doesn't make it easy. That is also great that you took AJ to the doctor and are going to see if he is allergic to something. That should make things easier for you!

 

[charlie26]

I'm so pleased u have spoken to him, let's hope this is the turning point u need, hope u enjoy ur bath and feel better after. We're always here for us if u need anything. Xxxxxx