Hi Kim, Im sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, and like everyone says your not a bad mum, you have done the right thing by recognising the problem and coming out with it. I think a lot of people dont realise you can suffer from PND up to a year after the childs birth, and just because you were fine to start with doesnt mean you can be suffering from it now. My advice is to speak to your HV about how your feeling, dont hold back cause your worried about what she will think, they deal with this all the time, and she should be able to help you, whether its putting you in touch with a support group or even medication. The way your feeling is not your fault so dont ever feel guilty about how you feel. And know that we are always here to talk to you.
Ashamed and need help
- Thread starter Kim
- Start date
Thank you so so much to everyone who has replied, I have been crying reading what you all said. I do go to baby massage on a Tuesday but even that is getting hard work now because everyone elses baby lies there but Rubie rolls about all over, wont lie still, wont let me massage her. I am having to give 100% attention to her so don't even get to speak to the other mums. We do all meet outside of the group sometimes but I have the same problems, Rubie wont let me interact with them. I spoke to OH last night about the way I am feeling so feel better for that too. I stopped and thought about it, Rubie must pick up on the way I feel, there's no wonder she doesn't smile at me, I probably don't smile at her. I am feeling so much more positive today, and it's mostly down to you guys, I really don't know what I would do without you all. I am going to see my hv this afternoon so may mention it to her.
Thanks again each and every one of you, every reply meant so much to me because it did take a lot to admit this.
Hugs to you all
Thanks again each and every one of you, every reply meant so much to me because it did take a lot to admit this.
Hugs to you all
(((((((((((Kim)))))))))))))))
sorry hun, i have only just seen this.
not really sure what to say to make you feel any better, but you are a great mum! i think we all have out off days, i get annoyed at Coby now and again, dont be so hard on yourself, your doing great.
xxx
sorry hun, i have only just seen this.
not really sure what to say to make you feel any better, but you are a great mum! i think we all have out off days, i get annoyed at Coby now and again, dont be so hard on yourself, your doing great.
xxx
Kim, every week i have been to baby maasage there has been AT LEAST 1 baby who just can't be massaged, who screams the whole place down, but we don't care...babies are babies! and yes, I wanted to say, during the early days, I felt that Maheen was rejecting me and did not love me, as I could never settle her down, and actually aggravated the crying!
I talked to my husband about it, just like you, and I realised that I was probably too stressed to make Maheen feel good in my arms!
I don't know if that helps, but I TRY (not always, I am human!!!!) to make every moment I spend with her as funny as possible! I change her nappy, it's full, I laugh about it, and make yukky noises, etc... it's not always easy but it works well on Maheen, she is much more smiley now than she used to be! relax!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sure you'll be fine! it comes and goes!
Mel xx
I talked to my husband about it, just like you, and I realised that I was probably too stressed to make Maheen feel good in my arms!
I don't know if that helps, but I TRY (not always, I am human!!!!) to make every moment I spend with her as funny as possible! I change her nappy, it's full, I laugh about it, and make yukky noises, etc... it's not always easy but it works well on Maheen, she is much more smiley now than she used to be! relax!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sure you'll be fine! it comes and goes!
Mel xx
rubie obviously has a bubbley personality hun! Eva is all over the place most of the time! They want to explore the world.
I'm so sorry you have been feeling crap but you are a brill mam even though you are doubting yourself! If you were a bad mam would you be stressing about whether you were a good mam? NOPE! would you be on here looking to do they best for rubie and finding the advise you need? NOPE! everyone needs some time to themselves so dont feel bad when you do want some alone time.
I bet if you don't stress about it all as much you will enjoy everything more. Don't feel like you have to live up to any good mother standards! you know what is best for you and rubie and i'm sure she is a very happy little girl who loves her mammy lots and lots. you mean the world to her kim - because you are her whole world xx
I'm so sorry you have been feeling crap but you are a brill mam even though you are doubting yourself! If you were a bad mam would you be stressing about whether you were a good mam? NOPE! would you be on here looking to do they best for rubie and finding the advise you need? NOPE! everyone needs some time to themselves so dont feel bad when you do want some alone time.
I bet if you don't stress about it all as much you will enjoy everything more. Don't feel like you have to live up to any good mother standards! you know what is best for you and rubie and i'm sure she is a very happy little girl who loves her mammy lots and lots. you mean the world to her kim - because you are her whole world xx
kim.... sending you hugs!!! I think what you've been experiencing is quite normal. You're doing such a demanding job..... my first born was very similar.... always demanding and not allowing me a free minute to catch my breath!
Today, he's the most considerate and loving and restful child. Don't beat yourself up - you're doing a great job. Take the help offered and don't feel bad for enjoying some time to yourself.
Emilia xx
Today, he's the most considerate and loving and restful child. Don't beat yourself up - you're doing a great job. Take the help offered and don't feel bad for enjoying some time to yourself.
Emilia xx
melhoney said:
Yes thomas was the only one who screamed once undressed
, i started to massage him and he hated it and the midwife who was teaching the others had to give her doll to Thomas as he only calmed down when the doll was near him lol i tried the massage at home and he was ok after a few, shame i have no time to do it nowKim sorry you're feeling like this at the mo hun but it will pass, i have days where i struggle and am grateful for someone to come and help me, if you beat Rubie and startved her yes you would be a bad mother but you're definately not a bad mum and it sounds as if you might have mild pnd maybe speak to your hv about how you feel, and dont feel bad your oh gets time to himself everyday at work 
I couldn't speak to my HV today as she was off sick Oh well maybe next week...
Rubie used to love baby massage, she was the best behaved in the class, she was a textbook baby lol. She used to lie there still, then fall asleep after, never cried or anything. She still doesn't cry now, but she just flips herself over and wriggles off to find a toy or someones face to poke lol
Today I have had a whole different attitude and she has responded really well. I have been a lot more calm and counting to 10 if I feel myself getting stressed. As a result, Rubie has been a lot more calm too. We have both had a fab day and I have enjoyed her company
Wow what a result in such a short space of time. I never realised a lot of things until you lot pointed it out
Things are looking up
Oh well maybe next week...Rubie used to love baby massage, she was the best behaved in the class, she was a textbook baby lol. She used to lie there still, then fall asleep after, never cried or anything. She still doesn't cry now, but she just flips herself over and wriggles off to find a toy or someones face to poke lol
Today I have had a whole different attitude and she has responded really well. I have been a lot more calm and counting to 10 if I feel myself getting stressed. As a result, Rubie has been a lot more calm too. We have both had a fab day and I have enjoyed her company
Wow what a result in such a short space of time. I never realised a lot of things until you lot pointed it out
Things are looking up
Xena
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You totally aren't a bad mum!
My DH has been not working since just before Lydia was born, but this week he started a new job so for the past 3 days I've been on my own with Lydia...and she's decided that this is the perfect time to be a total and complete grump.
To be honest I think it's because of the weather, but I really haven't enjoyed it much one bit. If I was on the floor playing with her, she's been fine, but the SECOND I stand up to do ANYTHING else - get a drink, go for a wee, ANYTHING, she screams and screams and screams.
It's been driving me batty. I've been wishing for DH to come home!
Everybody feels like that sometimes.
I'm not sure what to suggest but I'm sure it won't last forever. *hugs*
My DH has been not working since just before Lydia was born, but this week he started a new job so for the past 3 days I've been on my own with Lydia...and she's decided that this is the perfect time to be a total and complete grump.
To be honest I think it's because of the weather, but I really haven't enjoyed it much one bit. If I was on the floor playing with her, she's been fine, but the SECOND I stand up to do ANYTHING else - get a drink, go for a wee, ANYTHING, she screams and screams and screams.
It's been driving me batty. I've been wishing for DH to come home!
Everybody feels like that sometimes.
I'm not sure what to suggest but I'm sure it won't last forever. *hugs*
Glad things are better today for you Kim
I felt the same as you too when reece was round about the same age as Rubie. it was such a shock when he changed from a peaceful little thing who was so easy to look after and quite helpless(i used to brag about him being an easy baby) into an independent baby who didn't need me at all. I was the one looking after him yet he'd push me away and go to everyone else
Not sure what age he changed but now he's a cuddley little thing with me and it's made me feel loads better. Although he's become very clingy with me now, screams when I leave him. I think my constant tries to get him to like me best has made him like that He wont even go his dad sometimes.
I felt the same as you too when reece was round about the same age as Rubie. it was such a shock when he changed from a peaceful little thing who was so easy to look after and quite helpless(i used to brag about him being an easy baby) into an independent baby who didn't need me at all. I was the one looking after him yet he'd push me away and go to everyone else
Not sure what age he changed but now he's a cuddley little thing with me and it's made me feel loads better. Although he's become very clingy with me now, screams when I leave him. I think my constant tries to get him to like me best has made him like that
He wont even go his dad sometimes.Hi Kim. Glad you are feeling better
I can relate to some of the things you said. Like people have posted already we all feel bad sometimes but its doesn't make you a bad mother by any means. We find that Isaac plays up for me but is good as gold for his daddy. It used to make me feel awfull. We call it good cop bad cop now and I think Isaac needs that balance so he can relate to us diferently when he needs to. I used to get stressed too because Isaac yells at me alot in the day when I'm trying to do housework or have breakfast but now I've realised he is just expressing himself and the best thing for me to do is see to him first then I can do my jobs. I think I was trying to carry on as I did before Isaac came along, maybe to prove that my life is still the same but with a baby in it,? but the fact is my life will never be the same and now I have to put Isaac before anything and if that means being hungry but having to wait an hour to have my morning toast when Isaac is down for his nap then thats what I have to do!
Isaac does get stressed if I am stressed so I really try to relax and take things in my stride now. Easier said than done sometimes though eh?!
Lou
I can relate to some of the things you said. Like people have posted already we all feel bad sometimes but its doesn't make you a bad mother by any means. We find that Isaac plays up for me but is good as gold for his daddy. It used to make me feel awfull. We call it good cop bad cop now and I think Isaac needs that balance so he can relate to us diferently when he needs to. I used to get stressed too because Isaac yells at me alot in the day when I'm trying to do housework or have breakfast but now I've realised he is just expressing himself and the best thing for me to do is see to him first then I can do my jobs. I think I was trying to carry on as I did before Isaac came along, maybe to prove that my life is still the same but with a baby in it,? but the fact is my life will never be the same and now I have to put Isaac before anything and if that means being hungry but having to wait an hour to have my morning toast when Isaac is down for his nap then thats what I have to do!
Isaac does get stressed if I am stressed so I really try to relax and take things in my stride now. Easier said than done sometimes though eh?!
Lou
Hey Kim -
Every baby has off days and every Mom overanalyses the fact that they don't seem to pay attention etc.
My advice to you would be to stop trying so hard. You will find that Rubie will react to you - and a lot better than if you are stressed and worried about it. Babies sense stress a lot more that you would think.
Here's a case in point. Naomi has to take an antibiotic three times a day. It's that Amoxil stuff that's utterly toxic tasting. I hated it as a child and I assumed that Naomi would too. Result - screams every time we tried to dose her.
So I changed tack and told myself to relax about it...which I did. I cooed and smiled at her while giving her the medicine, put the syringe in her mouth and just let her accept it - and now she loves taking the medicine. All because I relaxed.
I'm not criticising you hun, I'm the least relaxed person in the world at times. I am just telling you what has helped me. Rubie loves you. And you love her too. Else you wouldn't be so upset.
If you need time out, take it. If your mom wants to take Rubie, let her. Have a cup of tea. Watch a soap. There are many people who will take one child, but virtually nobody will take two! So relax while your Mom has Rubie and store it up!
*HUG*
Feel better - and don't be ashamed.
Sue
Every baby has off days and every Mom overanalyses the fact that they don't seem to pay attention etc.
My advice to you would be to stop trying so hard. You will find that Rubie will react to you - and a lot better than if you are stressed and worried about it. Babies sense stress a lot more that you would think.
Here's a case in point. Naomi has to take an antibiotic three times a day. It's that Amoxil stuff that's utterly toxic tasting. I hated it as a child and I assumed that Naomi would too. Result - screams every time we tried to dose her.
So I changed tack and told myself to relax about it...which I did. I cooed and smiled at her while giving her the medicine, put the syringe in her mouth and just let her accept it - and now she loves taking the medicine. All because I relaxed.
I'm not criticising you hun, I'm the least relaxed person in the world at times. I am just telling you what has helped me. Rubie loves you. And you love her too. Else you wouldn't be so upset.
If you need time out, take it. If your mom wants to take Rubie, let her. Have a cup of tea. Watch a soap. There are many people who will take one child, but virtually nobody will take two! So relax while your Mom has Rubie and store it up!
*HUG*
Feel better - and don't be ashamed.
Sue
