anyone pregnant and going through major grief? support needed..

[Topaz13]

I'm new to this site and have read all these threads all day long and having read little_angels rant I felt compelled to write with my story to see if there was anyone out there who is going through the same. So I'm not quite 12 weeks yet although I had a scan at 8 weeks which showed a strong heartbeat (I was lucky) which has given me hope that I will carry this bean on into full term.
To cut a really long and emotional story short, I'm about to lose a parent to cancer, it's been a short lived prognosis and I'm sure the stress from diagnosis in the summer last year has prevented me from getting pregnant so far, plus one miscarriage in the new year. Amazingly I'm now 11 weeks and all good so far on the baby front. However I'm absolutely terrified that when the ultimate happens in the next few weeks I am going to miscarry from the stress of grief I just don't know how I'm going to be able to handle it all.
Has anyone been through something as life changing as this and tried to stay pregnant, I feel just like little_angel's rant and with this on top it's difficult to do normal things like put on the washing and I just feel myself sinking.
Any advice really appreciated.
xx

 

[tabbi]

i suffered a misscarrige whilst pregnant i lost the twin due to stress i tried to go bk into education started only to be told i cudnt continue as they believed i was frauding when i wasn't plus had to plan my step dad's 50th going through court battle with my ex constantly nearly everyother week am in court, plus a move of 150 miles away as well as now having no one i know around me only my 2 year old daughter my OH and his family. lucky i have managed to keep baby in there. just relax when possible even if its in the bath, you need to remember that little life needs you to slow down for a little while so it can grow and stay safe. i am now 32+5 and getting kicked in my bladder none stop and i wudnt change it for the world as long as he stays there. and fingers and toes crossed for you baby stays there for you too x x x

 

[claire671]

Hi there,

I have sent you a private message (see top right corner of the page).

Take care hun xxxx

 

[ms_dove]

So sorry to hear that you have all this going on. I really don't have any advice, and can't imagine how distressed you must be feeling right now. Didn't want to just read and run. Have you asked your midwife about this? When I went for my booking appointment, mine mentioned about grief and stress during pregnancy, and said to let her know if I need any help with this sort of thing.

xx

 

[PeaPod]

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy. With all that is going on around you with your parent try to hold on to that positive as it may just help you get through what is to come.
In terms of how to deal with the grief I have no direct personal experience (although I know very well how much parents being very ill can effect someone). I do have a lot of experience in palliative care as a community nurse though and the best bit of 'advice' i can give is that when the time comes take some time for you and listen to your body.It can be very common for grief to send you into overdrive and you may want to keep busy and sort and do stuff but in your state make sure you don't over do things. I'm not sure on your personal circumstances in terms of family/ support and if they are aware of your pregnancy but I hope that you will not have to go through this on your own.
Grief hits people in different ways so it is really difficult to say how you will be affected but listen to your body and if you find that your emotions are becoming too overwhelming step back from them and breath. I know you don't know us on here but you will always have someone to talk to.
I hope that you and your family get through this difficult time with as little stress as possible.XXXX

 

[Topaz13]

I'm seeing my doctor on Friday and I'll discuss this with her, she is lovely. Haven't met a MW yet - but should do soon when I hear when the 12 week scan is. Just feeling rather lost and not sure how long I can keep getting up each morning. I've wanted to be a mummy for many many years and now it's happened I am almost resenting it because I'm terrified of losing it xx

 

[tabbi]

dont be hun, just do as we say take it easy and rest when needed you need to do right by your body and baby for it to stay in there x x x

 

[Loula]

Havent got no words apart from congrats on ytour pregnancy and i hope all works out for you x

 

[Little_angel]

I know you didn't mean this, but your post makes my problems seem insignificant

Like Peapod, I have experience in supporting people through work, but I'm lucky not to have much personal experience. Do you have someone detached from the situation who can support just you? Say a close friend. It's good to have someone to talk to that isn't grieving themselves, or involved in things on a day-to-day basis.

Don't worry about the "normal stuff". Nothing bad will happen if you don't clean your house as much as you normally do. You don't mention your OH? Is he being supportive? Can you ask him to take on some extra chores while you feel like this? It's normal to be very tired in Tri 1 anyway, so even without this extra stress you might be struggling.

Now that you are 11 weeks, I'm sure you know that the risk of miscarriage is much lower, especially having seen a hb at 8w. I know we all worry about our babies, especially in Tri 1, but our bodies are very robust really and can handle all sorts of stresses.

I don't know whether anyone has recommended Cruse, but they provide support for bereavement which may be useful to you later.

When you get the chance, rant on here. It's anonymous, you can say what you like and you know we will support you. This is a place where you can be truly selfish xxx

 

[rach2901]

Firstly can I say congrats on being pregnant.

I am really sorry to hear about your news of your parent and my heart goes out to you.

My circumstances are slightly different to yours but I feel like I should share it with you - my mum died very suddenly and unexpected of a heart attack on 10 February this year (at the young age of 48). It come as a huge blow to the family as you can expect. I was extremely close to my mum. She was my best friend and I shared everything with her and couldn't go a day without speaking to her on the phone.

From what I can work out I had ovulated earlier that week and so was not exactly pregnant but I had a fertilised egg making its way to my uterus. Looking back on how dreadful and dark those first two weeks in particular were I am absolutely amazed that my bean managed to stick! I am now nearly 13 weeks pregnant (have my 12 week scan tomorrow!) I personally see this pregnancy as a gift and my mum has played her part in making this happen!

Anyways what I am trying to say that it is not impossible to be grieving and under huge stress and still manage to carry a baby

xx

 

[Jayjay027]

Its not the same, but I lost my father-in-law last week after a long battle with cancer, and although I'm 24wks pregnant, we had known for some time that he was terminally ill and we were all afraid that he would never meet his first grandchild. And my first trimester was horrendous. Between having hyperemesis and dealing with my FIL (who I loved dearly) getting steadily worse.

Try to relax whenever u can, even if its just taking a bath. And I highly recommend relaxation tapes. Nothing can take away ur grief and sadness, but it doesn't necessarily mean that u will lose ur baby.

Be strong hun, we are always here if u ever need to vent xx

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

 

[Hope81]

Not the same but I lost my auntie 2 weeks ago from breast cancer. I was very close to her so i am completely devastated. Almost since the beginning of my pregnancy she got admitted in the hospital with brain and pulmonary metastasis so I spent the whole pregnancy worrying every single moment of the day, crying my eyes out and having horrible nightmares some nights and not being able to sleep. When she died I was 14 weeks I think.
I personally want to think that she looks after my baby now and that if you have a strong bubs in there you have nth to worry about.
I am so sorry you have to go through this xxxxx

 

[yas]

i lost my best friend and sister in a bike accident, all i can say is if its meant to be it will be. that little'n could be your saviour, mine is and will be for me, when she decide to pop out as everyone else says just relax and i wish you the best of luck for the future hun xx

 

[Topaz13]

First of all, thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and written to me with your advice, I find it quite moving to know there are so many women out there who care - we are such a force. Hearing your very sad stories makes me feel I am not alone and that there is a really positive chance I will not lose my little un.

You'll be pleased to hear that I went to see the doctor today and she has signed me off work for a couple of weeks, I guess I needed that reassurance that I am going through a lot at the moment and to stop trying to be so tough about it all. I guess all the sickness and exhaustion from being pregnant is making it hard for me to cope with everything else and for the first time I have given in to having time off. It is actually a blessing in disguise because my boss is a complete chauvinistic *rsehole and he hates pregnant women, or just women in general - and I was worried about going back into work next week (just finished easter hols I'm a teacher). So I feel I have some respite from dealing with him for a couple of weeks. Hopefully then I'll have stopped being sick most the day and I'll have more energy to deal with work.

Lots of love to everyone and for all your wonderful words of support. You all compelled me to put a wash on - and that is a step in the right direction xxx

 

[tabbi]

Hunni we are always here for you all you got to do is log on. and little un will stay there but the downside is your going to get fatter and maybe suffer from stretch marks and heartburn but hey its worth it to see them looking up at our faces seconds after they are born x x x take care

 

[mrz85]

sorry u r having to deal with this best of luck honey but I am sure u will b fine x