anyone else pregnant for the first time and have a step child?

[Msclaireypants]

Hi guys this is my first with my fiance (get married in 6 weeks!).and I'm just feeling a bit down. I know he can never be as excited as me as it's not new to him - he has a 7 year old son. And he keeps going on that he hopes it's a girl cause he's already got a boy.

I've told him it's putting so much pressure on me cause now I think if it's a boy he won't be so bothered!

It should feel like the most exciting and special time but it doesn't feel like it.

It's not a first for anyone as my parents are already grandparents to twin boys by my sister and all my friends already have babies.

I'm just so excited and everything is new so no one else seems to be that bothered!

 

[tiaflame]

Yes Hun I've been there my hubby has 2 boys from previous marriage and I felt the same, I thought he wouldn't be as excited as he's been there and done it twice before. But we've just had our own little boy and my hubby adores and dotes on him.
I wonder now what I ever worried about, it's a different relationship and different baby, believe me it will all be good xxx

 

[Msclaireypants]

Yes Hun I've been there my hubby has 2 boys from previous marriage and I felt the same, I thought he wouldn't be as excited as he's been there and done it twice before. But we've just had our own little boy and my hubby adores and dotes on him.
I wonder now what I ever worried about, it's a different relationship and different baby, believe me it will all be good xxx

Aw Thanks that makes me feel better just hope he's not secretly disappointed if it's a boy - I just want a healthy baby no matter what the sex! X x

 

[tiaflame]

Yes Hun I've been there my hubby has 2 boys from previous marriage and I felt the same, I thought he wouldn't be as excited as he's been there and done it twice before. But we've just had our own little boy and my hubby adores and dotes on him.
I wonder now what I ever worried about, it's a different relationship and different baby, believe me it will all be good xxx

Aw Thanks that makes me feel better just hope he's not secretly disappointed if it's a boy - I just want a healthy baby no matter what the sex! X x

He won't be... Xx


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[Merfairy]

Hi hun, I was in exactly the same position as you are I was pregnant and my OH has a son from a previous marriage and he wanted a girl and I feared he would love a boy less and I also feared a boy would be compared to his other boy, which on reflection has made me really protective over my baby, though she is a girl. My OH and I still argue about his son and I unfortunatley am not overly warm to his son, but then my OH has always put his son before me, which is fine but before his baby girl?

I prioritise my daughter over his son and it does leave bad feeling, I am pregnant again so we shall see how things turn out. All I can say is that this is your baby whatever the sex and you will love him or her regardless; I am sure he will be fine with another baby and will love him or her, but you cannot decide on the sex of the baby that is down to nature.... I am sure it will work out as my relationship has been hard at times anyway, but all I am trying to say is that your feelings are all normal and I understand what your saying, but this is your first baby and that is whats important, when this baby comes along you will change and you priorities will change xxx

 

[Msclaireypants]

Hi hun, I was in exactly the same position as you are I was pregnant and my OH has a son from a previous marriage and he wanted a girl and I feared he would love a boy less and I also feared a boy would be compared to his other boy, which on reflection has made me really protective over my baby, though she is a girl. My OH and I still argue about his son and I unfortunatley am not overly warm to his son, but then my OH has always put his son before me, which is fine but before his baby girl?

I prioritise my daughter over his son and it does leave bad feeling, I am pregnant again so we shall see how things turn out. All I can say is that this is your baby whatever the sex and you will love him or her regardless; I am sure he will be fine with another baby and will love him or her, but you cannot decide on the sex of the baby that is down to nature.... I am sure it will work out as my relationship has been hard at times anyway, but all I am trying to say is that your feelings are all normal and I understand what your saying, but this is your first baby and that is whats important, when this baby comes along you will change and you priorities will change xxx

Oh Wow thank you for that it really helped! He's always put his son first as well as he should but even before this little one is born I'm being very protective of it over his little boy! Weirdly he doesn't understand that I will never ever feel the same about his son as I do my own baby and he thinks I should see him as my own!

Men are strange little creatures!!! Thanks again x

 

[BellaRiven]

Yup, I have a stepdaughter and R was our first.

OH was amazing, he was so excited and didn't care what it was. We both had our preferences but in the end we were just happy we were having a healthy baby xxx

 

[Merfairy]

Hi hun, I was in exactly the same position as you are I was pregnant and my OH has a son from a previous marriage and he wanted a girl and I feared he would love a boy less and I also feared a boy would be compared to his other boy, which on reflection has made me really protective over my baby, though she is a girl. My OH and I still argue about his son and I unfortunatley am not overly warm to his son, but then my OH has always put his son before me, which is fine but before his baby girl?

I prioritise my daughter over his son and it does leave bad feeling, I am pregnant again so we shall see how things turn out. All I can say is that this is your baby whatever the sex and you will love him or her regardless; I am sure he will be fine with another baby and will love him or her, but you cannot decide on the sex of the baby that is down to nature.... I am sure it will work out as my relationship has been hard at times anyway, but all I am trying to say is that your feelings are all normal and I understand what your saying, but this is your first baby and that is whats important, when this baby comes along you will change and you priorities will change xxx

Oh Wow thank you for that it really helped! He's always put his son first as well as he should but even before this little one is born I'm being very protective of it over his little boy! Weirdly he doesn't understand that I will never ever feel the same about his son as I do my own baby and he thinks I should see him as my own!

Men are strange little creatures!!! Thanks again x

My OH doesn't understand why I am not motherly/loving to his son, but he is not my child; my OH thinks I am being nasty, but I am not I am just not a mum to him and I will always put my baby first as she is mine and this second baby I will put before his son as well xxx Good luck

 

[Nicnax]

I am in the same boat- mostly disappointed at the fact that his son has absolutely no interest in our baby whatsoever. OH's ex has gone on to have another 3 (the latest is due 4 weeks before ours), & they are all girls. All OH's son has said at all, trhough the entire pregnancy, is that he doesn't want another sister. It's upset me, & I really can't be bothered with him at the moment (I know that sounds awful). Me & OH had a huge row about it the other day, & I have basically made it so that I rarely have to see his son anymore.

Awkward situation, but I'm juts so angry that he has no manners, & am also annoyed at OH, for not pointing out to his son (who at 15, should know better), that he needs to learn to be a bit more polite. He has literally not said anything else about the baby at all, & never asks how I am.

 

[Msclaireypants]

I am in the same boat- mostly disappointed at the fact that his son has absolutely no interest in our baby whatsoever. OH's ex has gone on to have another 3 (the latest is due 4 weeks before ours), & they are all girls. All OH's son has said at all, trhough the entire pregnancy, is that he doesn't want another sister. It's upset me, & I really can't be bothered with him at the moment (I know that sounds awful). Me & OH had a huge row about it the other day, & I have basically made it so that I rarely have to see his son anymore.

Awkward situation, but I'm juts so angry that he has no manners, & am also annoyed at OH, for not pointing out to his son (who at 15, should know better), that he needs to learn to be a bit more polite. He has literally not said anything else about the baby at all, & never asks how I am.

As my step son is only 7 and pretty well behaved I can't have your complaint …yours is worse! Teenagers are so much more difficult to deal with. But I Definitely agree with what you said about not being bothered with him! I absolutely adore my step son but just now all I care about is my own baby!

Don't feel bad about it it's perfectly natural and I suppose it's natural for our other half's to not be able to understand anyone putting their child second. Hopefully things feel better once our babies are here

 

[tiaflame]

I am in the same boat- mostly disappointed at the fact that his son has absolutely no interest in our baby whatsoever. OH's ex has gone on to have another 3 (the latest is due 4 weeks before ours), & they are all girls. All OH's son has said at all, trhough the entire pregnancy, is that he doesn't want another sister. It's upset me, & I really can't be bothered with him at the moment (I know that sounds awful). Me & OH had a huge row about it the other day, & I have basically made it so that I rarely have to see his son anymore.

Awkward situation, but I'm juts so angry that he has no manners, & am also annoyed at OH, for not pointing out to his son (who at 15, should know better), that he needs to learn to be a bit more polite. He has literally not said anything else about the baby at all, & never asks how I am.

As my step son is only 7 and pretty well behaved I can't have your complaint …yours is worse! Teenagers are so much more difficult to deal with. But I Definitely agree with what you said about not being bothered with him! I absolutely adore my step son but just now all I care about is my own baby!

Don't feel bad about it it's perfectly natural and I suppose it's natural for our other half's to not be able to understand anyone putting their child second. Hopefully things feel better once our babies are here

Well now my baby is here I still put him first and love him way and beyond more than the step children. And that feels awful to say but I'm sure it's natural to feel like that. I do feel a bit more of a different kind of bond with them than j did previously though and I think that's because I didn't feel at all maternal before Kaiden arrived xx

 

[Pippa1703]

Oh thank god for this, I thought I was a monster!
Were TTC and I worry because when I get pregnant, I'll be the only one treating it as something new and exciting. I've already warned him that if the words "when Laura was pregnant" leave his mouth, I'll be furious.

I really dislike his sons mum, she's a very cold woman and his son reminds me of her a lot (only in looks!) to top it off she's due in a month and will no doubt play the 'only having one because I have' card....

I do love my OH 7yr old son, but sometimes I just can't be bothered with him, he's not my responsibility. He is polite, and understandably he takes priority over me but sometimes I think he's figured that out and really plays on it! On the other hand he can be truly lovely to me too.
Part of me has being feeling terrible because I already know I'll love my own child more than my stepson, it's food to know I'm not the only one. I don't feel quite so horrible now!

 

[tiaflame]

Oh thank god for this, I thought I was a monster!
Were TTC and I worry because when I get pregnant, I'll be the only one treating it as something new and exciting. I've already warned him that if the words "when Laura was pregnant" leave his mouth, I'll be furious.

I really dislike his sons mum, she's a very cold woman and his son reminds me of her a lot (only in looks!) to top it off she's due in a month and will no doubt play the 'only having one because I have' card....

I do love my OH 7yr old son, but sometimes I just can't be bothered with him, he's not my responsibility. He is polite, and understandably he takes priority over me but sometimes I think he's figured that out and really plays on it! On the other hand he can be truly lovely to me too.
Part of me has being feeling terrible because I already know I'll love my own child more than my stepson, it's food to know I'm not the only one. I don't feel quite so horrible now!

Don't worry about it, I thought about it all the time while I was pregnant and now I wish I hadn't wasted so much time worrying! It's all worked out fine and we are only natural to love our own child more than a step child- that love will always be different. I don't even know that I would go as far to say that I love my hubby's boys- which sounds awful- obviously I'm very fond but now I know what it's like to love a child- it feels totally different xx


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[Pippa1703]

I understand, and I think OH will be great, he's already said on a few occasions how it's 'different when it's your own', this thread has really put my mind at ease! Thank you x

 

[Msclaireypants]

Definitely a big Thanks girls this has made me feel much better!! Now that I'm further along I already know he's excited - especially seeing the other half's wee face when she kicks!!!

 

[EmiLou123]

I have just seen this thread and am so glad someone has posted about it, my OH has a child from a previous relationship and I find it hard to be 'motherly' towards him, me and my oh were together for 2 years before I even saw his child and I get called nasty because I don't feel a bond between myself and this child but I guess you can't help how you feel... Looks like we are all feeling the same, it's good to know because I was feeling like there was something wrong with me! Thanks again ladies xxx

 

[Msclaireypants]

I have just seen this thread and am so glad someone has posted about it, my OH has a child from a previous relationship and I find it hard to be 'motherly' towards him, me and my oh were together for 2 years before I even saw his child and I get called nasty because I don't feel a bond between myself and this child but I guess you can't help how you feel... Looks like we are all feeling the same, it's good to know because I was feeling like there was something wrong with me! Thanks again ladies xxx

Definitely nothing wrong with you love! I strangely feel less and less bonded or attached to him the further along I get. It's just a motherly thing Definitely nothing wrong with it x

 

[EmiLou123]

Same with me, before I fell pregnant things were okay but since I don't know what had happened, I feel really over protective of my bump... I think it is because bump is mine and his child is not... I want to be the best mummy I can be, to my own...x

 

[Cheesecake34]

My boyfriend does look hurt when I make him aware I don't have frulings towards his and his exes child but why would I ?? The one thing that concerns me is having her there just after birth and when I asked bf for 2 days to settle in before we have her as Its my first child n I'm quite scared he looked devastated looks like Somehow I may have to cope , I don't want her walking in seeing my tired 30 odd year old body n worry about bleeding discomfort n having someone else's child there I just wanted to settle in but there's no chance , n that I find upsetting 😔 I don't think women on here are selfish u do a huge thing with little reward , u do what any good mother would do and put your child first as I'm sure step kids mom does too !!

 

[mel0013]

So glad I've seen this. My oh and I are expecting our second at the mo and he has a soon to be 12 yr old son from a previous relationship. I REALLY struggle with him more so at the mo with being pregnant I am so relieved to see that other mums don't feel maternal towards step children, I don't think my oh gets it either as he just told his ex that yes their son could stay for a whole week! Didn't speak to me about it just assumed I'd be happy to look after his son as well as our daughter as he's not taking any time out from work while he's here just leaving it to me.