Anyone else or just me?

[Pinkz]

It's infant loss week. Not sure if it's a USA thing or global or UK or what but it's all over Instagram. Full of heart broken people at various stages of their grief.

I'm not even out yet this month but after 2 miscarriages at 6 weeks it's suddenly dawned on me that even if I got past 6 weeks I have the rest of the pregnancy to survive. The birth. After birth. Someone I know just had a diagnosis of a life shortening illness for their baby. Another had theirs dangerously premature and has ongoing medical issues.
It's absolutely terrifying.

So yea... am I the only one equally scared of getting pregnant as I am of not getting pregnant?

I spoke to an older friend about it today. She regrets waiting so much. It's too late now for her and adoption isn't an option.

 

[xMillie]

I am scared too!

Even though it's something I really want I'm terrified of mc happening again. The doctors said it's very unlikely I'll have another mc but I don't believe her!

 

[Pinkz]

Same here. 2 times means nothing apparently... 2 times. Years apart. Different partners. Same weeks gone though...

That's IF I ever get pregnant again. Don't forgot that old chestnut though "at least you CAN get pregnant" would be easier if I hadn't. At least I would be facing seeing the doctor in Jan rather than being fobbed off

 

[millielaura]

I am terrified even after having a successful pregnancy. I hate ttc again but I know I will be so scared when I am pregnant. I had scans nearly weekly till 16 weeks with my daughter. It's so hard to be able to be excited . At the end of my pregnancy I was a wreck as was so scared of getting so far to have it taken from me and there was issues with her movements too. I remember I kept having milestones in my head of when I'd relax, first it was after first scan with heartbeat, then it was after 14 weeks, then 16 weeks then it was 24 weeks then it moved to 34 weeks then I realised I was never going to relax until the end.. I just kept waiting for it to be like a normal pregnancy and to be able to be chilled out.
The relief though when you finally hold them is amazing. All the things that could happen when they are here are terrifying but for me it isn't like the all consuming pregnancy fear. I know other people who have had losses who relaxed at the 12 week mark so it's not always hard the whole time.
So so sad about your friends baby I can't imagine!

but yes I am scared for if I get to have another and how scared I would be during the pregnancy xx


Sent from my SM-G928F using Tapatalk

 

[candymycandy]

I think as soon as you start to TTC after a MC you basically never stop worrying! So hard and not the breezy experience I see some women having. Like Millie says you tend to have mental milestones which feel like achievements, which helps. Fx for you pinkz x

 

[Pinkz]

I think as soon as you start to TTC after a MC you basically never stop worrying! So hard and not the breezy experience I see some women having. Like Millie says you tend to have mental milestones which feel like achievements, which helps. Fx for you pinkz x

This is just me.

People at work keep saying are you pregnant if I'm sick or anything. They have no idea we are TTC and it just upsets me because I want to shout from the rooftops that I'm not so leave me alone lol

 

[Lulla Bell]

Sorry but when doctors say they dont think I'll have another mc they are talking shit, they said that after my 1st, and they have said it every time, Ive just had my 5th consecutive one, 4th this year.
Then when I do get pregnant again they tell me not to worry!
Honestly its like they haven't got a fucking clue!
Worrying is natural, and if people tell you to stop they can piss off!

 

[xMillie]

Sorry but when doctors say they dont think I'll have another mc they are talking shit, they said that after my 1st, and they have said it every time, Ive just had my 5th consecutive one, 4th this year.
Then when I do get pregnant again they tell me not to worry!
Honestly its like they haven't got a fucking clue!
Worrying is natural, and if people tell you to stop they can piss off!

I know! I've only had 1 pregnancy (which ended in mc just after 6wks) in 4 years and 7 months! How can they tell me not to worry?

Probably haven't experienced mc themselves!

 

[Pinkz]

Probably more like they don't care... funnily enough after my operations went wrong and I asked for counselling I was fast tracked through the system. People were amazed I had an appointment within 4 weeks. Should have sued them...

 

[Melly41]

Some doctors can be terrible when it comes to mc...i think i was lucky as my doctor was lovely and supportive and did not say "youll have another one" or "you dont mc with a 2nd"....they shouldnt say this...how do they know? I hate it when people say....oh it was obviously meant to be...assuming we should therefore feel ok about it or that we have by some way, had a lucky escape! Everyone will experience mc differently but some understanding or empathy wouldnt go a miss from the medics by the sound of things x

 

[Pinkz]

My first was unplanned with my sh*t of an ex and that doctor told me I should be lucky as I didn't have to go through with the abortion my ex was forcing me into...

Oh yea I can see all the ways I've been lucky in that situation thanks....

 

[Lulla Bell]

Some doctors can be terrible when it comes to mc...i think i was lucky as my doctor was lovely and supportive and did not say "youll have another one" or "you dont mc with a 2nd"....they shouldnt say this...how do they know? I hate it when people say....oh it was obviously meant to be...assuming we should therefore feel ok about it or that we have by some way, had a lucky escape! Everyone will experience mc differently but some understanding or empathy wouldnt go a miss from the medics by the sound of things x

After my MMC at 11+5 one of my best mates( who's a guy) actually said to me, Why are you so upset, it happens to loads of women, My mum had one.. then laughed at me!
Im still hurt about it now!
Its the most disgusting thing anyone can say to a grieving person

 

[Pinkz]

After my MMC at 11+5 one of my best mates( who's a guy) actually said to me, Why are you so upset, it happens to loads of women, My mum had one.. then laughed at me!
Im still hurt about it now!
Its the most disgusting thing anyone can say to a grieving person

Men literally don't get it. The horrible part of me would say when someone in his family dies say to him everyone dies... see if that makes him feel better... Everyone in the world could have a miscarriage at the same time and it wouldn't make you feel any better. A friend had a stillbirth and I don't know how she's even still here.

 

[Melly41]

Some doctors can be terrible when it comes to mc...i think i was lucky as my doctor was lovely and supportive and did not say "youll have another one" or "you dont mc with a 2nd"....they shouldnt say this...how do they know? I hate it when people say....oh it was obviously meant to be...assuming we should therefore feel ok about it or that we have by some way, had a lucky escape! Everyone will experience mc differently but some understanding or empathy wouldnt go a miss from the medics by the sound of things x

After my MMC at 11+5 one of my best mates( who's a guy) actually said to me, Why are you so upset, it happens to loads of women, My mum had one.. then laughed at me!
Im still hurt about it now!
Its the most disgusting thing anyone can say to a grieving person

I know men can be thoughtless! Not all men but some can be incredibly insensitive! Saying stuff like...at least you didnt habe time to bond or it wasnt meant to be can be hard to hear. What that guy said to you was horrible and im not surprised you still feel hurt by it x

 

[xMillie]

I think the only people that get it are women who have been through it!

After mine my mum pretty much said the same thing as everyone else, that it most likely won't happen again and loads of people have had one. Excluding her of course. She then went on to say my nan had 6..! Ugh!

 

[Melly41]

Didnt tell my friends as i know some of them, even though i love them dearly, would be a little judgemental as im 42 and make hurtful comments like....well at 42 mc rates must be higher. I though, even if i hadnt mc, to have my baby and then tell people ive had a baby then they would be denied the chance of maling tactless comments!