Am I in the wrong?

[AgentM]

Sorry for the length of this - I'm not very good at explaining things!

I went to a colleagues recently, for the 1st time. We're very friendly at work and went round for coffee while she was recovering from an op.

When I got there, her 2 bulldogs jumped up quite excitedly. She's already warned me to lift Oliver as I went in. They were really happy and were just excited, but one of them really bruised my thigh (so much so, that I still have the bruise, 3 weeks later!)

We went on the have a lovely afternoon in the sun. They dogs were playing in the garden with us and generally just lolling around. Although they loved Oliver, I still felt slightly unerved by them being around him. When they sniffed his bum, she was telling him to push them away by their noses and say no. Apparently, they do this with her grandson of the same age.

Anyway, I left a couple of hours later and sent her a text saying thankyou for a lovely afternoon. The next day, I sent her a picture message, with a photo of the bruising on my leg. It said "see, I said your dogs were thugs! Look at my bruises!" I was only joking - perhaps I should've made it clearer. (We always joke around like this - it's nothing new)

I meant to text her to see how she was, but one day went into the next and before I knew it, she was back at work. It was great to see her and I gave her a hug, told her it was great to have her back and asked how she was. Later that afternoon, I saw her in the coffee room. I showed her my black and blue thigh and said "devil dogs!! Look what they did! (While laughing). I then said to the other people in there (about 2 or 3 of them) - Actually, they are lovely dogs. They just leapt up to greet me. Then showed them a photo of them and Oliver together and said how well we got along.

The next day, totally out of the blue, she asked me if I had a problem with her as I seemed to be behaving oddly towards her. I said that I didn't and was evrything ok? She said that I obviously had a huge problem with her dogs and I shouldn't go round anymore. I told her that I quite liked them, but as we were talking about it, I wouldn't be going round, as my husband wasn't 100% comfortable with Oliver being taught to hit a dog like that. I wasn't harsh - just said maybe we should meet up elsewhere in future. She launched into a tiraid of things, saying that it was people like him that gave dogs a bad press, I was teaching Oliver to be afraid of dogs and I shouldn't be pushed aorund by my husband. I was totally shocked! So I said that I was still happy to socialise with her, my husband has every right to feel the way he does and I will support him in that. I'm not being pushed around by him - just respecting his decision about the way our child is brought up, which I don't think is too out there! It was really odd. She said that I had a strange way of telling people things, if all I could do was drop sarcastic comments all over the place and if I had a problem I should just come out with it.

Anyway - she was in such a state, I just said that I was sorry again that I had upset her, reiterated that I don't have a problem with her and lets carry on with things. She hasn't spoken to me since.

So, am I in the wrong? I keep playing it over in my mind and feel quite upset that I obviously upset her over the dogs. Maybe I should look at the way I say things. I did say those comments with a laugh in my voice and said how much I liked them. maybe it wasn't enough. But the more I htink about it, the more I think she is being a bit too petty. what do you think? Please be honest as I don't know what to do!

Thankyou for reading, if you got this far!

ETA - I sent this text last night and have heard nothing back: "****, I really didn't mean to offend you over your dogs. Sorry again if I did. Like I was trying to say the other day, I really do think they are scrummy! I think it's one of those subjects that can cause many a heated debate when it comes to children!"

 

[megsmeadow]

I think she sounds very sensitive over her dogs and probably not the first time this sort of thing has crossed her mind? I wonder if neighbours or other friends have mentioned it in the past and she's particularly hot on it! Our dog barks a lot with strangers coming to the house and then quite bouncy as she is so excitable. She's my OH's dog and I had always been a bit weary of dogs but I know her well now (she's still an animal and animals can be unpredictable) so I can see the anxiety around children.
This sounds more like your colleagues problem than yours. I put our dog upstairs (where she's normally not allowed) when one of my friends come round as she has three young daughters and is very nervous about dogs, I don't think there'd be a problem but I respect that she doesn't want to be in contact with them and that's fine by me.
I think you've explained fairly well to her! Not much more you can do is there?

 

[Toonlass]

I don't think your in the wrong hun but at the same time i kinda see why she was upset (although she did over react) People are really sensetive about their dogs and hold them as dear as their own children. Maybe she will calm down about it in a little bit of time. You can't really apologize more or better than you already have xx

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

I think she has over reacted, she perhaps should realise that people are going to always be protective of their children when it comes to dogs, the same way that people will always be protective of their dogs - I hope it doesnt spoil your friendship!

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

the truth hurts... and she obviously feels they were a bit rough with you and maybe feels a bit embarrassed about it? which can make people act in very strange ways xxx

am sure it will pass

 

[charliebear]

I think she's over-reacted hun. Hope she gets over her sensitivity about this and your friendship survives.

 

[serenitylove]

sounds like she very over sensative which may mean your not the first person to mention the behaviour of the dogs i dont blame your hubby id feel the same if it were my child true freinds should be able to discuss anything you have said sorry ball is in her court now id say

 

[Sam's Mum]

I think she's overreacted too - I also wonder if people have said something about her dogs in the past that's made her oversensitive and far too defensive about them. I know with texts it's so easy to read things in a different way to how they would have been said, but even if that had been the case I can't understand why she would be so upset after you explained

 

[ria__x]

aw don't worry yourself about it hun, although it's easier said than done, i know! (expert over-thinker)

you've done all you can by the sounds of it, apologizing, and even acting mature when she started blurting out about your apparent 'bad sides', as i would've took offence straight away and ignored her for weeks. (lol!)

the text you sent sounds fine and you should just leave it at that - i don't think you sound like you're in the wrong, it's deffo one sided on her part! she should've approached it in a different way if she wasn't sure how you felt etc. (i'm guessing she didn't 'cause she asked if you have a problem with her!)

hope it passes soon hun xxx

 

[titch]

people do think of their dogs like their children sometimes, and so any criticism can cause an overreaction. your text sounded really nice, hope she calms down soon and you can still have a friendship x

 

[Wobbles]

Oh no I hope you have mended things now?

I get nervous around dogs especially if they are around the girls ...I'd have left at that first leap!

x

 

[AgentM]

No Wobs, I see her tomorrow. Can't wait!

 

[Wobbles]

Ah didn't know if you'd have attempted a weekend makeup session Things like that play on my mind.

x

 

[Mamafy]

I think you're right not having Oliver around them, if they bruised you badly in play what would they not do to a small child Tbh as a dog owner she should have removed the dogs out of Olivers way in the garden. She said to lift him in the way in but then was prepared for him to whack them totally understand your hubby!

But people/pet owners are very attached to their animals so she obviously took it as personal but wrongly so hun.

I think you've done all you can so I hope she sees sense tomorrow