Am I horrible?

[mistyblue]

I am really struggling with my sister's pregnancy, to the point I have started hiding her Facebook posts. I can't get excited about it. My DH says being bitter and resentful won't help move us forward. I know he's right and this isn't like me. Am I horrible? x x

 

[Lou1103]

Its normal to feel like that, i did anyway. I literally deleted about 5 women because they were pregnant! I know shes your sister but if anything that makes it harder. I remember being sad mainly of the fact that my sil was giving my inlaws their first grandchild when it should hAve been me and hubby xxx

 

[lisey]

You are not horrible at all, feeling bitter and resentful may not be helpful but I think its all part of the grieving process, I avoided my best friend for months cos she fell pregnant just after I lost one of mine. I love her and I was happy for her but felt extreme bitterness and anger that I no longer had my baby. I know everyone says it but it does get easier in time but for now, please don't be too hard on yourself, what you are feeling is normal and you are in no way a horrible person xx

 

[mistyblue]

Thank you ladies. It's hard because she seems to forget what happened to me. She was showing me photos of the baby's room and all the things she's bought. I smiled and nodded a lot, but felt like crying. She's behaving like my mc didn't happen. I know no one wants to think about mc especially when they're pregnant, but I just wish she was a little more sensitive. I can't say anything though, because my other sis criticised her over nothing and there was a big fallout over it and my other sis got the blame. Last week, we bumped into her and she was making nasty comments about my DH to his face, because she thinks she can get away with it.

My dad doesn't help. He barely talks to me now but can't get enough of my pregnant sister. That just makes it worse. It feels like he's saying ' you're not pregnant any more, so you don't matter', which really hurts. I can't say anything to him either, because he will just say I'm being nasty about my sis.

She told me it would be a mistake not to try again and that it wasn't like it was my only chance. She's missing the point. I wanted the baby I had. Sorry for the essay - just having a bad day x x

 

[flisstebbs]

When you get these feelings they are almost impossible to control. I must admit the hardest thing I found about RMC was the feeling of disappointing people and the sense of isolation. People definitely withdraw from you. In fact I am still finding it hard to forgive the people who withdrew the most obviously. Whether this is because people are really worried about upsetting you or not, for me, its sorted out who my real friends are and its a much smaller group than I thought...

 

[mistyblue]

Thank you for understanding and I'm sorry that anyone has to go through this, let alone more than once.

I know what you mean about people withdrawing from you. I get the sense that they don't want to upset me, but they don't understand that withdrawing from me does upset me. It's hard because you do feel like you've disappointed people. For me, this was mostly my father in law, who doesn't have much of a relationship with his other son's children, because their mum doesn't like him. He would never say anything but he was noticeably disappointed and worried about me and my DH.

I am angry with myself for feeling the way that I do. I should be excited for my sis, but I just find it hard x x

 

[purplepebbles]

It's a natural part of the grieving process and also ttc feeling like this. OH's sister fell pregnant quickly when we had been trying for about 4 months. I couldn't bear to see any of her scan pics on Facebook so I hid her. She had a lot of scans, as she had a tricky pregnancy so there were a lot of pictures. I remember having a complete meltdown when the baby was born too, as I felt so overcome with jealousy that I lost it. It wasn't fair that we always seem to struggle with things yet everything always seems to fall into place with her. I think what made it worse is they didn't know we were ttc so when she was making comments about not cutting things out when you're trying and stressing doesn't help (she was talking about one of her friends at the time obviously not knowing about us) I wanted to punch her in the face and tell her it's not as easy as she thinks!

Totally get the people withdrawing from you too, thankfully I've only had one person do this but things were rocky before I had a mc anyway. I told my boss when I went back to work that I didn't want to be treated any different, I didn't want people to pussy foot for fear of upsetting me. I want to talk about my mc, I'm fine talking about it but I find people don't know what to say if I bring it up so I only talk to people who will listen, and they are the people who have supported me throughout anyway. You do certainly realise who are your friends when you need them the most.

Please don't be angry with yourself, it's not something that only you is feeling, we've all been or going through the same and thought the same thing xxx