Am I a bad person?

[Jendon]

I dont feel like I have bonded with my bump as much as I should. This is my second pregnancy and I am worried that I am not going to love my baby. I am seriously concerned. I dont know whether I feel this way because I dont have as much time to think about being pregnant and how I feel because I have a 4 year old to look after, work full time and undergoing big house renovations. Im scared my OH isn't really that up for having another baby and that I have kind of forced him into it

I dont want to talk to him or my mum about any of this because I will just get too upset and they will probably say Im being hormonal - maybe I am. I have been on my own today so maybe I am just having one of those days and have been tinking too much!!

I feel like a bad mother even writing this stuff down and he hasn't even been born yet. Sorry for the long post.

 

[leckershell]

I felt exactly the same, OK this is my first and it's not even born yet... but you've still got time! Take some nice pics of you and the bump while you still have it.. and if you can afford one I'd recommend belly cast!! It was a great laugh and made me feel a lot better about not appreciating my bump. Just looking forward to finding out what colour to paint it now! (mine cost £17)

 

[Clydesdaleclopper]

I don't think you should be feeling bad about this at all. I think there is a lot of pressure on pregnant women to be be all earth motherish and spend all our time lovingly stroking our bumps etc. I don't feel like I've bonded with my LO and am sure I won't until after he is born. I do think that you should tell your OH how you're feeling though as he may be a lot more understanding than you think and help you to feel better about everything.

 

[jacky]

I think you should give yourself a break! It's inevitable that we all have moments and thoughts about being pregnant which aren't the way we are "supposed to think". With my first pregnancy I was convinced that something terrible would happen, that I wouldn't lbond with the baby or that I would be a rubbish mother. All my fears were dispelled the moment I held her in my arms! This time I'm similar to you, I worry that this baby has missed out on attention even before it's born as I work full time and have not focused on being pregnant so much. Then I have the added guilt of worrying whther my oldest will feel displaced by the new baby! I think as women we are so hard on ourselves and I'm sure men don't think like this!!! My hubby has cruised along unaffected by the whole thing while I am a wreck at times!!
You will make a fantastic mum to this baby as well as your oldest child! We all feel like it sometimes! Please don't worry about this anymore!
love to you
jac xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[terri73]

I am pregnant with my second, my girl is 5 and i feel exaclty the same.
I think i'm more concerned with how my daughter is feeling and how this will affect her. Shes had 5 years of all my attention and now i don't want her feeling pushed out she is a sensitive little thing.
So i think i've made it out to be no big deal.
Not to sound horrid but i'm glad i'm not alone in feeling this way!
I have not bonded with my bump at all and feel awful about it.

 

[Robyn_]

hunni, you cant help if you have another child to look after, the important thing is after the birth theres not much you can do to apprecate it, apart from taking pictures and stuff like shell said,
dont be hard on yourself, cos when your little baby gets here youll love it so much and thats all that matters

 

[Jendon]

Not to sound horrid but i'm glad i'm not alone in feeling this way!
I have not bonded with my bump at all and feel awful about it.

Its relieving that someone else feels the same, makes you feel a bit less like a loon!

Thanks to everyone for all the replies - deep down I know I'm being silly!

 

Hi,

I just wanted to reassure you that what you're feeling - "ambivalence" - towards your baby isn't bad, it's actually essential to being a good mum (according to psychologist Rozsika Parker, see her book 'Torn in Two')

As a mum who has been through this (I have 2 kids already), I can say from personal experience that it's natural to also wonder whether you'll love your new baby as much as your first. My mum also wondered this and so, more recently, did my cousin when she had her 2nd (her other child is 7). I asked my cousin about this again recently and she laughed at the idea and said she can't believe she worried about not loving this baby as much as now she can't remember life without her baby (her baby is only 5 months' old).

So yes, it IS natural and the fact that you've even considered it - let alone worried about it -shows that you're already being a good mum to your bump, you silly cookie

xxxxx

 

[fynemum]

Like the ladies have said....... If your worried about this, then your are already bonded..... you just don't have time to get all hyper like you did the first time round....

As for splitting your love into two.... Well that doesn't happen ! ! You still love the first child as much... BUT when the new baby comes you GROW more love.... NOT have less for the first...... It's amazing how it happens, and we don't even need to try... it just IS.
So please don't worry, It's all normal second time mum stuff, Wait until it's your third or fourth time to be a mum... you'll see what I mean...
LOVE GROWS....

Take care, don't stress, don't worry, your not alone, it will just happen, it already has, you just don't know it yet Love and hugs Yvonne xx