afraid of change in our relationship

aaliyya

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Hi. :)

I am pregnant and I am very happy and excited about the pregnancy. I am very much looking forward and having fun with preparing.

But there are some worries I have about me and my husbands relationship, and I am a little embarrassed to express these, as I feel like these worries are wrong and foolish.

But anyway, here I go.

I am afraid of that me and my husbands relationship is going to change too much. I love how our relationship is now like sleeping in each others arms every night, cuddling, holding hands, deep conversations, the spontaneous ways we get it (you know it) started like just looking at me from behind and both have high drive. I don't want our relationship to die out, of course little have to give when it's not only him and me, but i don't want us to become someone who live together like they are roommates who raise a children together and not wife and husband, and I still want to be able to be the one that he fantasize about and long for. Make me sad to hear he don't want to touch my chest if i breastfeed because he says he think it will feel wrong, but anyway I want to breastfeed and that is what I will do. But these thoughts make me afraid and I want to tell but I fear like i sound to silly.

Also looking at his family, he don't have a very good relationship with them and not too much contact, live in African country, and many of them it's like the mother does it ALL, no exception, the man come home to eat and sleep, he spend no time with his family, no time with his children, no time with his wife, he maybe make one joke with the children and that's it, never sit with it, and he never touch his wife and shows no appreciation about all she do for make a nice home for him and their children, only complain about all the small things that is wrong. :shock: I tell you this is not comforting pictures when you worry about your relationship, me and my husband is so different from them, but still make me more afraid.

I also want to cherish this time, remember the time where i am pregnant, and where it is him and me and where we are both excited and happy about the pregnancy. We normally live together there, but I wait for him to fix his visa so we can live here instead of for the children so it's difficult and I miss him, waiting is hard, and I don't know if stay here or go, although everything about the doctor and hospital is better here, unless you pay a smaller fortune, so i should wait here alone.:sad:
 
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I can only give you my experience but my husband and I have a very similar relationship to you and your husband and honestly, with a 21 month old our relationship hasn't changed at all. We still cuddle in bed, have nights out, date nights inside, text all day to each other, laugh all the time, surprise notes etc... We were very adament from day one that although our daughter comes first, we will absolutely NOT become a couple who are just mum and dad as opposed to best friends and lovers. Although this all comes naturally to us; so I'm sure if your husband and you have a close relationship things will stay the same xxx
 
I can only give you my experience but my husband and I have a very similar relationship to you and your husband and honestly, with a 21 month old our relationship hasn't changed at all. We still cuddle in bed, have nights out, date nights inside, text all day to each other, laugh all the time, surprise notes etc... We were very adament from day one that although our daughter comes first, we will absolutely NOT become a couple who are just mum and dad as opposed to best friends and lovers. Although this all comes naturally to us; so I'm sure if your husband and you have a close relationship things will stay the same xxx

That was Nice to hear, help me relax. all the Best for you and your family. Thank you:)
 
I have these same worries too. Me and my boyfriend are very touchy feely with each other and I am always wanting to be close to him. I am going to make the effort even when baby is here to have 'us' time!!
 
I think you'll be fine. The best thing to do at this stage is have one of those deep conversations about these worries you have so that you can face it together.

And don't worry that your relationship will become like to ones you see in his family. It seems he has already seen that and doesn't want it either as he is all loved up with you.

My mum always reminds me that having children is a joint effort. you have them, you raise them as best you can and hopefully send them off into the world as well rounded young adults. Then behind it all you still have your husband, best friend, lover to continue with.

My sister undermines her husband when it comes to the kids, they can do no wrong and she does not back him up. Unfortunately she denies that the children will ever leave and is running the risk of him going as well!

Honestly, it sounds like you have the ideal partnership to get this right, so don't stress, enjoy!
 
I had very similar worries to you too. Before pregnancy, my husband and i had a similar relationship, deep conversations and we deeply cherished our time together. I cried many tears when I was pregnant just worried how our relationship might change, even though I was also excited about our much wanted baby. I won't lie, in the first 3-4 months, we were mostly just focused on the new little life we had created and all the washing bottles, changing nappies etc etc and, for the first time ever, (due to tiredness) we did bicker a bit but we absolutely made sure we had time for us too. We were very strict with a routine and, from about 8 weeks, our baby has gone to bed at 7pm, leaving us a whole evening of 'us' time every night. In the last couple of months, we've had a couple of date days/evenings and we swap babysitting favours with friends. We don't have as much time for each other as we used to, but we still have a lot and we cherish it even more. Plus you have this beautiful little baby who you both want to nurture and spend time with. Hope you're ok, it will all be just fine xx
 

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