Advice on christening etc

[Lilelephant]

So I am catholic and OH is atheist(sp) we got married at a hotel in a civil ceremony and the next day my priest gave us a blessing. Now it comes to our little boy OH doesn't want a catholic baptism but I want to do something.
Mum said about having a non religious naming ceremony and then have priest do a blessing. Leaving the option with orlando when he is older if he wants to be baptised. What do u think of this? I don't want it to look pretentious!
The other thing is I want our best friends Amy and Graeme to be god parents but obv if he isn't baptised then they can't be! So can they be called something instead. I hate the term Guide parents it sounds too americanised in my opinion eek

 

[Hope81]

I really think that baptism is a very very special moment. Are yu sure you can't work with your oh on that?

 

[Lilelephant]

No he won't even step in the church !

 

[nik106]

I can't offer any advice but i do sympathise! All of my family have been christened CofE but my OH is refusing pointblank to allow our daughter to be christened too as he never was

 

[Lilelephant]

My priest is happy to do a blessing he knows what OH is like ha ha but still

 

[Hope81]

Oh dear, so sorry about that. My oh is not so much into religion. He is ot atheist but he dosent even know if it's baptized or what religion he has...
I just told him that our LO gets baptized, I am orthodox, it's important for me and that's all. He agreed at a second because he saw how important is for me.
I think a naming ceremony and a blessing is the best you can do in your occasion. But dont leave your LO without a blessing. Maybe you go talk to your church to see what they think?

 

[Chookette]

My OH is CofE and I am Catholic... We have agreed to have our little man christianed in a Cof E church.... I was not too bothered which church it is as long as they are Christened.... also the schools in our area are CofE so thought it would make it easier.....

Not sure of your situation where you are but it can help get into a better school if you are Christened so this could be some logic you can try on your OH.... Good luck....

Mayber your friends you want to be God parents can be there for the blessing so it is closer to the real thing and then you can call them God Parents...

 

[Sarah13]

I'm with your OH, but it's a very personal thing and you need to decide together, sounds like a good compromise your thinking of. My daughters father was catholic and wanted her christened I told him if he really wanted it to get on with it but I wasn't having any involvement as disagreed, funnily enough he could never be bothered to organize it so luckily my now quite strongly opinionated atheist daughter wasn't christened! Im glad she has been able to make her own choices as a teenager. You could call your friends auntie and uncle, and tell them that they would be god parents if you were going down that route, I'm an honorary god mum to my best friends daughter who isn't christened. Know what you mean about the term guide parents as well!

 

[Piglet10]

naming ceremony can have 'guide parents' still often referred to as god parents,

can i be harsh??

i think naming ceremony is a LOVELY idea, but has your oh ever stepped back and thought about the impact on orlando? now in no way am i really religious or anything but he needs to encourage belief (in anything and everything) religion isnt all about bible bashers its about morals and guidance and being a good person and hope that there r good people in the world, now im not saying ur hubby shud turn religious but he shud allow you as the only one in the relationship with a religion to pass that belief onto Orlando and THEN let him decide against it himself?

to not allow him to learn anything at the vulnerable ages the chances of him making the decision to turn to religion is massively reduced, basically he doesnt have much of a chance?

it wud be different if both of you were non believers, also i think stepping into church for a ceremony to welcome ur son etc isnt the worst in the world, if it was my hubby id tell him to wind his neck in

hell only have to go to baptism communion and confirmation? THREE services bfore Orlando is 18 - its not difficult!

xxx

 

[ISH]

I'm orthodox and OH is protestant; we're both agnostic, but we decided to go ahead and christen the baby anyway.
To shut up the families, mostly, and also because it won't hurt baby in any way!

 

[jomc]

Im catholic and OH is athiest. Im not a bible basher but when we got married it was important to me and my family that it was in our church. OH agreed as he knew how important it was.
When I got pg I dreaded speaking to him about a christening.
He has agreed to it... however we have compromised in that I wont bring our child to church as he doesnt want it raised a catholic. He wants it to choose for itself when older and feels that if it were to go to church each week, then I have determined its faith. I completely understand and respect that.
Im not too bothered to be honest, Ive had a serious lapse of attending church since I move to the UK lol.
OH explained to me that altho my religion and its associated ceremonies are important to me, being an athiest is just as important to him and there has to be compromise.
I think a naming ceremony would be lovely and u could come up with ur own name instead of godparents... doesnt have to be fancy, something a simple as Guardians ad u could add whatever u wanted to the front of that so something like life Guardians or spirit Guardians.

 

[BevG]

ooh im glad me and my OH are both total Athiests, no christening so no worries. i hope you work out something that makes you both happy tho

 

[Binzy]

This is a really difficult area for me. Both hubby and I were brought up Catholic but neither of us go to mass, I dislike the idea (and hypocrisy) of going to pre-marital classes so you can get married in a church then never setting foot in there again until a child is born and going through the whole sham again. I agree that religion isn't about bible bashing but the fundamental morals/ethics of right and wrong don't have to be limited to a church.
I know this is going to be problematic for us as both sets of granparents will be expecting it, and don't forget I live in Italy where the idea of a 'naming ceremony' would be thought to be ridiculous.
I think it's a lovely compromise, just don't know what we'll do when the pressure's on!

 

[AugustMum]

I have to agree with your OH on this and go for a naming ceremony. I'd still like to do one for my LO but haven't got round to it yet but I've written it all out and it's beautiful.

You can call them 'mentors' for your LO as then they are helping guide him and show him the right way to do things.

I don't think that by not baptising him your not letting him have a choice, in fact I think the complete opposite. You're giving him more of a choice. He will more than likely be brought up with your beliefs anyway as your OH isn't going to spend alot of time telling him not to believe where as you will probably spend a great deal of time showing him your way of life. He will probably feel very grown up when/if he decides to be baptised and his 'mentors' can then become official godparents.

I am christened and I wish I had been able to make that choice myself which is why I am not having my LO christened. She will be brought up knowing about the christian faith and all the holidays we celebrate and why etc and it's up to her what she chooses.

Ive rambled. But I personally think a blessing and a naming ceremony would be perfect.

 

[Lulabell]

We have an issue with this too. Except me n hubby don't want baby to be christened as we are not overly religious but hubby's family are. And I can imagine they will expect us to. I like the idea of a naming ceremony though.

You n hubby just have to come to a joint decision. If my hubby was religious then I would do it as I know how much it would mean to him. Maybe you bloke would understand if you explained to him how important it is to you?xx

 

[l_maclean]

I agree with Chookette - you could have your friends in the role of god -parents and have them at the blessing as well so that its not just a title.

I think a naming ceremony and blessing is a good compromise - the only thing i would caution against - im not quite sure how this works in England - is what would happen if ur LO isnt formally Christened - but would like to marry in a church.

I wasnt christened as my dad was the same as ur OH - i came to my faith CoS - more recently after i got a job working in a CoS care home - and now attend church regularly. I was horrified at the thought i might not be able to get married in the church - although im not quite ready in my faith to choose to be baptised myself yet, if that makes sense.

In Scotland the parish that you live in cant refuse to marry you - but maybe you should find out the implications later in life for LO if he's not christened.

xxx

 

[jomc]

Not sure about the UK but I got married in Ireland and my OH isnt christened. He is therefore classed as non christian and I had to write to the Bishop for a disinpensation... i.e. permission to marry a non christian in a church. They can refuse but they generally dont, its just a formality.