ADOPTION...

[xxsammyxx]

Hi, i often wonder what would happen if OH decided to adopt my DD one day after we are married so we can keep the same name. Her biological father is a prick basically and refuses to support his daughter financially or any other way! We have constantly battled to try and get help through the CSA but even after he received £10,000 inheritance money and travelled to Australia with his new slapper for a year, paid £600 for an engagement ring for her, he still refused to part with any money. He has not seen DD for 5 years now. Last time she saw him he was staggering, pissed, in the street at 11am in the morning and we hardly recognised him. She hid behind my legs as she was scared of him. After a series of events such as driving her drunk back home after he had seen her and nearly falling over on the doorstep, cancelling her weekend visit due to getting free football tickets and dumping her with his parents so he could go out on the lash, I decided that enough was enough and stopped contact. NEVER has he tried to get any access or custody and even after i stopped contact and we lived 1 mile up the road from him, did he ever call and ask how she was, send her a birthday or xmas card or present... NOTHING!!! His girlfriend (now wife) attacked me in a bar and was arrested for assault (for the third time - she has two other previous convictions for the same thing!) and was found guilty. She admitted she had an alcohol problem as they both do and they both take drugs. I hear that I have to have permission from HIM in order for OH to adopt but never over his dead body would he agree to that even if he never bothered with her. Sadly his name is on the birth certificate. I've lived in Spain for 3 years and i can prove that. Would OH stand a chance of adopting her? What would the procedure be? I changed her name by deed pol a few years ago back to my name as well. I'd hate to think we could not all share the same name one day... Can anyone help please?

 

[chickadee1976]

As far as i know you can call yourself anything. When my brother got married by SIL changed her boys names to the new surname. The name on the birth certificate remains the same but in day to day living the new name is used. Im sure on most forms there is a space for " other names".

I found this
"Changing your child's name

You may want to change either your child's first name or surname or you may simply want your child to be known by a particular first name which is different from the name on the birth certificate. So long as there is agreement between the parents, there is nothing to stop you changing the name by which your child is known on a day-to-day basis.

Remember though that the name on the birth certificate will almost without exception have to remain the same. You may wish to execute a Deed Poll to confirm the day-to-day name although this is not essential. A Deed Poll will not get the child’s birth certificate changed.

If, for example, you wish to change your child’s surname to their step-parent’s name by Deed Poll, the consent of everyone who has parental responsibility is needed.

If both parents do not agree about the names by which a child is to be known, they can apply to court for the judge to decide (but this would still not affect the name on the birth certificate). An application to the court to change a child’s surname is normally only successful when everyone who has parental responsibility for the child has given written consent.

Changing the name on your child’s birth certificate will require re-registering the birth. This will only be allowed in certain limited circumstances, for example, if the natural parents marry each other at a later date. In other circumstances, if both parents agree, a child's birth certificate can be changed if the child's surname is being changed from the mother's surname to the father's surname.

However if the child was registered with the father's surname, it is not possible to change the child's surname back to the mother's on the birth certificate."

Hope it helps and remember its only a name and does not make your child any less a part of your family.

 

[CoreysMummy]

My mum got married and my surname was changed at School etc to Taylor. So all my certificates etc are in that name, but my actual real, legal surname has always been Holly. Its made no difference, and certainly wont to childeren who arnt applying for credit cards etc etc.

 

[xxsammyxx]

Hi, thanks for the advice ladies but its not just that... i hear we have to have the fathers permission to take DD out of the country (although we never bothered when we went to Spain) BUT the USA require this for her visa. He will never agree "voluntarily" so does anyone know the procedure in order to do this? I realise we may have to get a solicitor involved and we can prove he refuses to pay maintainance and has not seen her for 5 years... and has never made any effort to try either! I know we are not moving there for 1-2 years but i like to know what im up against! lol.

 

[chickadee1976]

We had a look when we were thinking of moving to Australia.

You have to prove that its in the childs best interest to move, ie better schooling quality of life job prospets. And have evidence to back this up, as in you have contacted schools and colleges , and have looked into clubs and organizations she would be a part of.

Generally the judge will be looking to see that you have made a provision for access rights for the father, so even tho he hasnt seen her say at your time in court that he could have access during holidays etc.
What we were told is that even tho these pain in the ass fathers/mothers make a big deal of not wanting you to take the child, when you are granted permission they never make the effort to see the kids. All the judge wants to seee is that you are being flexible and the move is not to cut the absent parent from the childs life.

 

[xxsammyxx]

We had a look when we were thinking of moving to Australia.

You have to prove that its in the childs best interest to move, ie better schooling quality of life job prospets. And have evidence to back this up, as in you have contacted schools and colleges , and have looked into clubs and organizations she would be a part of.

Generally the judge will be looking to see that you have made a provision for access rights for the father, so even tho he hasnt seen her say at your time in court that he could have access during holidays etc.
What we were told is that even tho these pain in the ass fathers/mothers make a big deal of not wanting you to take the child, when you are granted permission they never make the effort to see the kids. All the judge wants to seee is that you are being flexible and the move is not to cut the absent parent from the childs life.

Thanks for this advice... so would we HAVE to say... contact him and offer to let him see DD? I mean, im not sure where he is living now its been so long! If we did then he would have to come to Spain OR do we tell him he is welcome to come and see DD in America (yeah like he couldnt make it mile down the road so he isnt going to fly to the States! ) What do you think? If he does come it will be a supervised visit with no conversation and OH and I will be there. He cannot be trusted with her on his own due to alcohol and drugs problems and his OH is forbidden to see her after dragging her around in the rain one day with her dad nowhere to be seen WITHOUT my permission! We can prove that the schools would be better there as the schools in Spain are SHITE! Im only glad my daughter will only have to do another 2 years here when she will be fluent spanish and we will move and ill have to get her extra schooling to catch up. I can explain that she has lost precious schooling time and been dropped back a year (as all the kids are) due to not speaking spanish when she was here, that its important she continues her education in her nature tongue. OH is a Manager and possibly a Director by then and we will both have good jobs to relocate with. Hopefully we will be married by then but at least engaged to be and im sure we will have a baby together by then as well. Plus by then she would have lived in Spain for 5 years. Going on this information - do you think we stand a chance of being able to relocate? He wont spend money contesting if he has to hire solicitors as this will be wasting valuable BEER money. Yes im serious on that one!

 

[lmrcpr]

I know when my aunty changed my cousins name they didnt need his dads permission because they codulnt locate him, they had to prove they had treid to contact him but couldnt so with you saying you are not sure where hes living there might be somehting the court can do to wave the need for him perimission to take her abroad.

 

[Sherlock]

I think your best bet is to speak to a solicitor who specialises in this sort of thing. Find out exactly where you stand and if you have to do anything now to lay groundwork for the future. If you are wanting to move from the UK the sooner you get started legally the better.

 

[mamichuli]

Aw hun, sounds like a difficult one. I would be seeing a solicitor to see about what the legal situation is due to the fact that he lives in Britain and you are in Spain. Initially you should be able to prove that he has never been interested in her well being, and so there is no reason why he should have a say, at i would think. If you do have to offer visiting rights, make sure that their behaviour towards your daughter is made clear, as the state should advise that any visiting rights are with a child psychologist or child worker specialised in this sort of situations is present. On the other hand, from what you are saying, he is unlikely to kick up a fuss if it is going to cost him money.
On a different issue, i am so sorry to hear that you have ended up with bad schools in your area in Spain, but have to say that, thank gawd that is not always the case. The spanish education system is actually not bad at all, and for instance in languages is better than the UK. As an example, my eldest has taken french as a third language in secondary school, doing about one school year, went to Britain for a term during year eleven, to a good school and she was head and shoulders above other kids in the year who had been doing French since the age of nine. I am afraid that there are good and bad schools the world over.

Hope you can sort your situation re your daughter really soon and with as little fuss as possible..

Lisa

 

[CH0C0H0LIC]

I'd get advice from a solicitor as this could be a tricky area!

In the UK it would depend on whether the birth father had parental responsibility which the law changed in 2003 so would depend on your daughters age.

Things that may get taken into account could be daughters age, where birth was registered etc.

My OH's Ex changed her daughters surname by deed poll without telling him even though my OH was on birth cert and because she was born in 2000 he didn't automatically have parental responsibilty until he was awarded it last year by the court. We are now having to take the Ex to court to try and get it reversed but have been told we only have a 30% chance of sucess. If you were married to your Ex when your daughter was born by UK law he would have parental responsibility and would have a say.

Its a very grey area and with it spanning two countries I don't envy you!

Good luck!

Sarah xxx

 

[xxsammyxx]

Hi, DD was born in 1998, we were never married. I changed her name by deed poll years ago without his permission. His name is on her birth certificate but he has never filed for custody or access cos its more important that he spends his money on alcohol and drugs basically!

 

[Squiglet]

Hi, DD was born in 1998, we were never married. I changed her name by deed poll years ago without his permission. His name is on her birth certificate but he has never filed for custody or access cos its more important that he spends his money on alcohol and drugs basically!

I could have written that except the date would be born in 1999 You don't need his permission to do squat... Tias at a really good school though, she just has a shite teacher... but you get them everywhere....

I was thinking of getting Tia's name changed to DH's and getting her put on the Libro de Familia, but she says she doesn't want to right now, and she is older enough to make the decision for herself now What does your DD want?

 

[xxsammyxx]

I guess it doesnt matter now since his intentions are all focused on his new job because he's a LYING SELFISH ******* basically.

 

[kelsey]

My o/h adopted my eldest two - if you wanna know anything just ask xx