Hi Donna, congratulations to you both
Long post ...
About adoption, it's not as scarey as it's made out to be, however i agree with louiseB, to go in this process with your eyes open. But let me just share my experiance on this with you. I have been struggling for a while to get pregnant now, & thought long & hard about adoption.
I have a neighbour who is a foster parent & adopted 2 children. I felt i couldnt cope with this lttc so me & my husband decided adoption was the best thing for us both. I contacted my local adoption agency! & me & my husband started our training for it last october. It was a 5 day process & very very draining!
We was one of about 7 couples that attended that training! & they talk you through the type of children that need adopting! also give you paper work & put you in situations that you have to give your opinion on what you would do, out loud in the group. They pair you up with other people in the group & split you & your husband up so that you learn more.
I was given a course work where i had to say how i would deal with a child i had adopted who was abused! how she would touch a workman's bum who was carrying out a job at my home, then i was told how i would deal with the situation & also to remember why & what the child had been through.
The storys where really sad. However they have to go through this with you but it dont mean you will have a child that suffered all that. They go through things like, a child who is really abrupt etc cause of things they have had to deal with, then ask you how you would cope with that. But i was always reminded that it dont mean your child you adopt will suffer with this. And if they do they just need stability & the love they have never been given. They do get better.
You DONT have to adopt a child with special needs, its your choice. Your not forced to adopt a child with any special needs, however they have to ask you if you would take a child with these needs, as they have to find homes for these children too.
They match a child up with your race, hair colour, eye colour, you can pick gender what you prefare, & age. I said i would want to adopt a child that is no older than 3 years of age. I was told thats fine its my choice.
Both me & my husband was given homework! every night! it is draining but you can do it
it's not the amount of work its self its what the work is about that makes it draining for you.
They do a background chase, they check for police records, also speak with your gp to see if either of you has any terminal illnesses etc. Also speaks about family background to see if anyone sufferes with any type of illness that could put your adoptive child at risk of danger i.e mental health issues. They then do a home process with you, & then they go & find you a match! which could take 3 mths to 3yrs.
About the real parents, some parents ask for contact! some ask for 1 day out of 12mths to spend 2hrs with the child, which the adoption agency have a place where you meet up, so you go with the child. Also there is letter box contact, which there parent would like a letter every 12mths which is sent through the letterbox at the adoption agency, so no addresses are given out. You dont have to do this but its in the childs best interest that you have to think about. I can handle the letter every 12mth but the meeting up with the parent that i couldnt. So i asked for a child who's mother dont want to meet up contact. They can find that for you.
Me & my husband passed!! our adoption training! however i went through a meltdown just after that, & become hormonal & broody! & wanted my own child. So i pulled out, spoke to my adoption agency, told them how i felt, that i was not ready, it wouldnt be fare on the child & that i wanted to put it on hold. So it's on hold. Because i have pulled out, i have to do the adoption training again, but this time its only 2 days, as every year the adoption rules change, so the next training is march next year. If i dont get pg by then, then i have decided adoption is for me & cant keep lttc, am getting no younger.
The only time a mother can decide to keep her child is if they are going through some kind of detox from drugs etc, there child is takin away then the social worker find it's in the childs best interest to be adopted, IF the mother has been given the all clear on drugs etc & got herself a proper home, i.e stability for child & a job! then the child could be reunited back with its parents if the parent wanted her child back. However there our cases where there is children who deffo wont be going back to there parents so dont worry about going through all this then the child is takin away from you.
Goodluck!! in your adoption journey! & i hope you & your husband are placed with a lovely child who needs the love, you & your husband can give him/her.
X
