acceptance?

[Ellen]

I am just wondering is it normal to feel like you have given up on the idea of children? Its been so hard to lose 5 pregnancies and I am not sure if I can do it again.. I would like to think that I can accept my fate and still be happy.. I will always be sad that it did not happen for me, but I don't want it to determine how happy I can be for the rest of my life.. today I am sad.. but most days I am happy and cope well... at least I gave it a good shot eh.. life can still be good...

 

[Princess81]

That's a toughie hun I guess it all depends on how fulfilled you feel with the rest of your life? Or is it more a self preservation thing that you can't bear to go through any more of the heartache?
It's totally normal to have good days and bad days. If you are a genuinely happy person, then there is no reason why you can't enjoy your life, and you deserve to be happy x

 

[dyscochick]

^^^wss but didn't want to read and run. 5 losses but be heartbreaking beyond belief. If you truly feel that there are other things in your life and you can be happy then I think its totally reasonable. xx

 

[kanga86]

I second what the other ladies have said too. To cope with 5 losses must have been so hard, big hugs would u not consider the adoption route and therefore u could get a child without the heartache of another loss? I'm sure u have considered this and if u feel u are happy in life then enjoy it and have fun xx

 

[Piglet10]

im not sure hun :/ i doubt you could give up hope , my dh's aunt had lots of miscarriages and then went thru 3/4 years solid ivf, and when she gave up , at the ripe old age of 42, naturally had a little girl, perfectly healthy and naturally xxx

 

[Spinneygirl]

I agree with everyone but if you do truly want children there is hope, i know someone who had 7 MC's and now she has 2 wonderful children. I do know where your coming from ive had 2 and am so worried that that i will never get my sticky bean and I appreciate it takes a special kind of person to go through mutiple mc's but i think if it is your dream it has to be worth it all.

Do they know why you are miscarrying?

xxx

 

[Ellen]

Thanks everyone.. no one can tell me why this keeps happening and the last one was a partial molar pregnancy and there were complications as a result of that which was very scary. I am now 37 and for some reason, feel like I would do better to just live my life, which I am very happy with.. I NEED to care and love things though, which I guess is why I have 4 dogs and lots of cats.. I would like to adopt but OH does not want to so that is not the right path for us I guess.. I will always have a space in my life/heart but I can't force what seems not to be..

Thanks for the replies.. I have not been on this for a long time and it really helps that when I return there are so many caring people here... x x x x x and people who understand me.. for so many others miscarriages are still a taboo subject !

 

[sarah1]

Hi Ellen,

I agree with you about the 'taboo' thing - we can't even tell our own parents what we have been through as I know that no-one understands unless it has happened to them. Wow, 5 losses is a lot and I can completely see where you are coming from.

Its a difficult predicament isn't it? I've had two miscarriages (and a few very early ones that I try and think of as periods) and after the last one I had I didn't cry, wasn't sad and didn't 'need' a baby anymore. I feel like you do - I don't want to let it take over my life and I don't see why I would need children to be happy. I'd love to be a Mum, but being your own person is fine too, people are so strange about others when they don't have children - it really annoys me when they ask too, its such a personal thing! Noone considers the option that you might not be able to/might not want any.

We are having fertility treatment atm and we would consider adoption but I'm aware that its a long process that not too many are successful with. I think if 'baby making' wasn't in the equation we wouldn't feel the way we do, if that makes sense. When we have a break from TTC I feel much better about not being pregnant.

Its getting harder to find things to distract myself with after trying for so long but like you I have good days and bad days. I wish all the bad days could vanish away.

Always around if you want to chat. Take care xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Ellen]

Sarah1 - thanks for your reply.. I am sorry that you had to go through all that pain and loss.. it really makes you soul search doesn't it.. but its nice to know that feeling ok about it is not giving up.. it does not take away from what happened, but its nice to be able to look ahead and feel positive regardless of whether or not children will feature.. that said, I will alway wonder what it would have been like to be a mum, but at least I gave it my best shot..

I know how you feel re the not crying not being sad etc.. and grief is a very strange thing and no two miscarriages are the same.. for me each one was unique, in the way it happened, how I felt, how my body recovered etc.. sometimes I think shock takes over and its so epic that there is no choice but to "not deal" with it for a while.. thats ok too..

I really hope the treatment you are getting will prove a roaring success! I find that when I do things for myself such as a spinning class, yoga class and make lots of plans with good friends that I am less likely to sink into sad days.. I think having love in your life is the most important thing and whether that is family, friends, pets, whatever.. embrace it and be grateful..

Keep me posted on how you are getting on.... feel free to PM if you wish..
Peace out x x x x x x x x

 

[sarah1]

Hi Ellen
Sounds like we are very similar people....you too keep in touch and let me know how you get on, also feel free to PM me! Your words are very wise, and I think whatever the outcome we will both get through to the other side of this xxxxxxxxxxxx

ps. your dog in the pic is so cute. Mine is a westie!