a sensitive question?

[lisa&alex]

i think most people who read this will have lost, some early, some developed babies and some 'born' babies.

my question might be a little sensitive and i hope im not out of order by asking it..

on other forums
is anyone else a little freaked out by viewing others signitures when they have pictures of their babies on there (they are dead babies) without warning? i feel ok if i have prepared myself by being told hey there are pictured ehre.. but when you go to view what someone has said and im not warned and see a big picture of their dead baby.. i feel kinda..weird.

ive lost very early on, and i think if i had lost at a later stage then yes i would have pictures, but i wouldnt put them in my signiture. where others have lost and might find it strange to see, and hard to cope with as it might bring back memories of their own

just wonderign what you guys felt about it..

hope im not out of line here x

 

[katyk]

It is certainly a wierd feeling to me. But arguably it's our problem and we should get over it, if we see enough of those pics we'll get used to it.

Like most people (even men) learn to do with breastfeeding pics.

 

[Tracey S]

Hi Lisa,

I can see what you are saying, and I wouldnt put a picture of my baby Heidi onto this board because its mainly a pregnancy forum, and I can appreciate that some may not want to look at pictures of Angel babies. When I share pictures of Heidi, whether on the net or to people who I know, I always ask first if they want to see her and I am not offended when people say they dont want to look - my partners grandad has not seen her because it upsets him too much.

I use a forum for bereaved parents and there are lots of pics of Angel babies in sigs and avatars, and what you have to remember is that these pictures are the only pics they will ever have of their baby, there is no chance for any more, and they mean more to us than anything, and just because our babies are not with us anymore we are still proud of them and want to show them off just like we would have done when they were born.

So in answer to your question, I dont think its wrong to post pics of Angel Babies on bereavement forums, but I wouldnt post them onto pregnancy forums.

Tracey xx

 

[babydust]

i have never came across this on a signature but i went into a site and before you can read anything a picture of baby fill your screen, this baby was still born at full term and it did upset me to see i wasnt prepared to see it. i think if someone has the oppertunity to have pictures of their dead baby i think it should be a private thing. but when i seen the pictures of baby jess on here i was ready for them and they werent a shock.

 

[lisa&alex]

hope i havent come accross wrongly here...

i completly understand the whys of taking photos.. id take as many as possible if it happened to me.. as i said its the signiture things i was wondering about..

 

[Tracey S]

No you havent Like I said it depends on the content of the forum where the pics are displayed, if you visited say a stillbirth forum you would expect to see the pics, but possibly not on a pregnancy forum. I understand totally why you may feel freaked out by seeing Angel Babies. I was terrified to see Heidi when she was born, but now when I look at Angel Babies I dont see a 'dead' baby but someone elses much loved child.

I dont think I have seen any pics on this board

Tracey xx

 

[lisa&alex]

no i was talking about another.. and yeah.. if i was on a still birth site (which i havent been) then yes i of course would completly understand..i understand in a way why they are on their signitures and such. of course they feel close to their babies.. i jsut dont feel that all would want to see their babies. some might find that they actually cant talk on the site because its to traumatic for them to be faced with their own memories and such..

 

[katyk]

I have a lovely scan pic of baby Henno, even though he had no heartbeat he was the proper size for his 8 weeks and they took a scan pic of him.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to see/keep it at first but my OH said he did, and I would have wanted it as soon as I got home lol.

If I were to post the pic, it would just look like a normal scan pic, as they are still pics anyway and you don't see the h/b. But I think it would wierd me out a bit to have him here and look at it all the time.

He looked normal though. Sometimes when people post the angel baby pics, they look quite like a healthy baby, I wonder if we weren't told if they were gone at the time of the pic, whether we would know? (just a random thought).

 

[fynemum]

I think you are right.....

I am a member of another site also, it has many signatures with angel baby pictures, this site is mainly focused on 'loss' not 'pregnancy' but it does like our forum here have other sections, including TTC.......

But i ask YOU this.......

Does seeing peoples pregnancy tickers, live baby picture signatures, on a 'loss' section seem a little bit strange in the same way to the new grieving mother?

In the other forum I am a member of, we can post our support, comments etc but we are requested "NOT" to post our signatures of live of pregnancy as 'some' people find this far too difficult to deal with when they have just lost their baby, hopes and dreams.... there you also have to post (LC) lost child, or (MC) miscarriage mentioned in the title of your post if you are creating a new thread...so people ARE prepared for the content if it is not in the 'appropriate 'loss' section...ie, in TTC>Trying To Conceive and you talk about your passed experiences.....

So yes I totally agree... it can be kinda strange to see... but i also agree that it should work both ways and on the appropriate sections/sites...you know???

What do you think about that love and hugs Yvonne xx

 

[lisa&alex]

hi.. yeah i agree that posting in loss threads must be hard if people are seeing pics and tickers..the forum i speak about i haven't put anything on.. jsut didnt seem right..

 

[jenna]

I think it is hard to see pictures but i guess its up to the people who put them on there tickers or sigs. I think its some times hard to see pregnancy tickers on the M/C and loss section especially when you see someone thats at the same stage you lost your baby. Its give and take really, you have to have an open mind and think what that person must be feeling. Im sure people dont post them to offend and upset people.

 

[Tiffy]

I have to say, it would definately upset me. Though it's been a few years since I miscarried, I would never want to see a picture of a dead baby. Just... it would upset me A LOT. But that is just me, and I realize there are many others who would be perfectly fine with it. I would learn to cope I am sure, and I wouldn't stop posting. Actually, after seeing those pictures it might help me learn to cope in a new way.

 

[Becs]

I think you are right.....

I am a member of another site also, it has many signatures with angel baby pictures, this site is mainly focused on 'loss' not 'pregnancy' but it does like our forum here have other sections, including TTC.......

But i ask YOU this.......

Does seeing peoples pregnancy tickers, live baby picture signatures, on a 'loss' section seem a little bit strange in the same way to the new grieving mother?

In the other forum I am a member of, we can post our support, comments etc but we are requested "NOT" to post our signatures of live of pregnancy as 'some' people find this far too difficult to deal with when they have just lost their baby, hopes and dreams.... there you also have to post (LC) lost child, or (MC) miscarriage mentioned in the title of your post if you are creating a new thread...so people ARE prepared for the content if it is not in the 'appropriate 'loss' section...ie, in TTC>Trying To Conceive and you talk about your passed experiences.....

So yes I totally agree... it can be kinda strange to see... but i also agree that it should work both ways and on the appropriate sections/sites...you know???

What do you think about that love and hugs Yvonne xx

I don't think anyone should be prohibited in posting their tickers as proud mums to be but I have to admitt that some of this rings true for me. When I lost my baby through miscarriage I could see it there in it's little sac. There is one ticker company that do images of the growing baby that are so real life that when one lady posted I found myself getting really upset because I could see on her ticker such an identical image of what i misacarried. I felt so silly for letting it get to me it's just it was so realistic I just couldn't get the image of my dead foetus out of my head. Loads of people on here use that ticker but I would never expect them to change it. It's just something that I had to deal with myself. I am fine with seeing them now, it was just difficult in the beginning when it was so soon after I had seen my own little bean.

 

[libs]

I can see your point on them being in signatures etc - but like another poster said I found the pictures of baby Jess beautiful. We also (somewhere) have a picture of my baby sister who died as it was the only chance to have a picture of her without all the tubes etc that covered the little mite. If someone wanted to use a picture in their signature, I think maybe the first time you saw it you may be a little shocked but then in time it would become just another signature.

 

[mishm]

Yeah i can see where your coming from i would be a little shocked but like the other's have said it depends on what kind of forum it was.

We have our 12 wk scan picture when our baby girl was still alive and then when we went at 16 weeks and couldnt find the hb the lady gave me some more scan pics incased i wanted them,at the time time i didnt but im glad i did now ive never really shared them with anyone for the fear of making ppl feel strange.We also got a photo of our little angel that the nurse took in the hospital and only me my husband and mum have looked at it as i wouldnt want to shock anyone or for ppl to think erghh when they looked at it (baby was 16 wks when miscarried) so thats why i wouldnt do it but i understand why ppl do share the pics as its there baby pics there wanting to share with you.

 

[fynemum]

I am with you on this Michelle, I have Scan pictures too, of the twins alive and well at 14 weeks, but then 4 weeks later only one heart beat... I find great comfort in all my lost baby pictures, but I understand it is a personal sensitive and emotional thing, especially for a newly grieving mum/family.

When people are prepared to see pictures of an angel baby, it make the whole experience different.

For 'me' looking at pictures of Baby Jess, was a beautiful thing. Here was our friend, who shared her pregnancy and posts with us, a new mum, proud of her beautiful daughter. I broke my heart for her and her families loss when I heard the news of Jess and more again when i saw her pictures, but I am a very honored that she allowed us to see this precious little angel and for us to carry a memory of Jess with us always. Just as we will always remember our own angels, look at our pictures and know how proud we are of them.

 

[xzaviers_mama]

It makes me really sad when I see people's pics of their angels, but I can totally respect it. I lost my son at 17 weeks, and never got to see him or hold him. I was knocked out when he was born, then the funeral home had him, and we had him buried. I never actually saw him, and sometimes it's neat for me to get to see what my son looked like, through other's pics of their angels.
I know how much I appreciate it when someone acknowldeges my son by name, and lets me know that they view him as a real person, and I think when mommy's of angels post their pics, it's because it's all they have. They are proud to show off their angels, just as other's are to show off pics of their healthy children.