3 months on .... how should we feel?

[sarahx500]

i dont want him back , but i love him and love is a strong thing, yeah we were trying together, but he cant take wot little pride and dignity i have left, hes not getting that....

thats why i hope people dont take their partners for granted. i hate it wen ppl argue and things, wen they need each other the most, u and hubby will get through this and although the hurt of losing a baby NEVER goes away, it will get easier{maybe easier isnt the right word}..

sorry for going on but if i think about things too much i go 'mad' and i never want to go there again...and i never want any1 to go through this

as i said ,, if u want to talk im here xx

 

Hi girls - I don't know if I should really be posting in here as I am obv not TTC, but I have lost 2 babies in the past. I just wanted to say I understand how you are feeling and that each month your AF arrives it is a stab in the heart and a reminder of what happened and how you lost your faith in your own body.

I misscarried in June last year and was pregnant again before I'd had a proper period. I miscarried again in September. The pain from losing them pregnancies will never ever go away, but it does get easier to bare over time. I was very numb to it for months afterwards as a doctor told me I may not be able to hold onto my pregnancies (this was never confirmed or looked into though, he was just a total wanker who didnt like the fact I was 18 and had been pregnant - but the news shattered me). I only finally began to settle my grief after naming my babies and saying goodbye to them properly. I think the fact you can't have a funeral doesn't help. I had two stars tattoo'ed on my left wrist to always remind me they were part of my life and that I will never forget them.

I know it's maybe not appropriate for everyone to get a tattoo, but doing something will help you to ease your grief.

Being pregnant again was strangely hard for me to come to terms with at first as I did feel like I was trying to replace the babies I lost, and was also scared of having a repeat of events. But I got past the 6 week point and the fact I was being sick made me realise this pregnancy was stronger in hormones than my last two. My last two pregnancies I went off food and smells of things straight away, but was not sick. I still didn;t relax though till after the crucial 12 week point.

I really do hope you all catch again and soon and that the future is smoother for you. It is never fair to lose a pregnancy but I respect you all so much for still TTC. It takes alot to still want to. You've braver than I was.

Thinking of you all xx

 

[Anna Marie]

Hi everyone,

haven't checked this thread.. sarah it sounds as if you are having an awful time of it , I am so sorry to read about your girls, I also planted a tree after my recent m/c, it really does help. when I feel very down [like this morning I went out and stood in the rain balling my eyes out talking to the tree... its a little comfort but yes we never forget our lost loved ones.

I hope you are staying strong about your relationship.. so sorry he is behaving like this.. as jacqui says you deserve someone who will love and respect you, will you ever trust him again ?? Speaking from past experiences I have been in relationships like that, my second m/c was with someone who cheated on me all the time and was mentally and sometimes physically abusive so when pregnant I finally found strength to leave him but sadly lost it at 14 wks, but after the m/c i felt I could cope with anything and since then i have become stronger, I know I have my weak times [like now] when my OH is an insensitive git but I know I can trust him so I hope that the rest will get easier. Trust is everything, i would seriously consider moving on from this guy while you are still young and before you have children with him.

Sami, hi again, don't see you down here very often.. nice too hear from you and thanks for sharing your story again, I remember you were a great comfort to me after my m/c in August.. thanks.
How is pregancy going?? I hope you are healthy and getting excited!!!!!!

Jacqui.. hows things at home with you? I hope Fish had another night in away from all those horrendous fireworks.. my 3 boys were all scared to death and even the dog was very upset.. my incondiserate neighbours decided too have their own display without warning us.. and they only have a tiny tiny garden so all the debi from fireworks ended up in our garden.. I was furious and so were the cats!!!

have a nice sunday everyone and hope we all feel a bit better.. we have to be strong so that we can go on - and if we are here for each other hopefully we will all get to that happy place sometime soon. xxx

 

Hi Anna Marie - I'm not too bad thank you but am at risk of premature labour at the mo (thread is in third trimester) so was in hospital for a week and couldn't get on. Before then we didn't have the internet in our new house, but now we do and I'm home almost all the time so I'll be on here alot more!

Love to you all and especially to you sarah xx

 

[HayleyB]

I haven't really been on these forums since i lost my bean in June.
I like the tattoo idea, when i was young and fell prengant after i was raped i had an abortion i've got a tattoo for that baby.
Someone posted a poem on here not long after my miscarriage, what it means to be a mum, and i've still got the printout of the poem. I still cry when i read it.
The loss doesn't hurt so much anymore. A girl that i worked with at my last job just had her baby (she got her BFP 4 weeks before i did) but when she text me last night i didn't cry, i thought i would but i didn't, i was just happy for her.
I so wasn't expecting that!!

Although every month when i get my AF i cry.

And my body is being weird at the moment, in the 2nd week of my cycle i start feeling sick and get sore boobs (not pre-menstral style, pregnant style) and start feeling all hormonal. And my cycle has gone up to about 40 days. Weird weird body, but last month it was 45 day cycle so that kind of got my hopes up!!

I can't believe its taken me so long to get back on here. Its nice to be reminded that i'm not crazy feeling like this!!!!

Love and baby dust to all

xxxxxx

 

[Anna Marie]

Hi HayleyB,

Nice to hear from you again, Its good to hear you are feeling better, it takes so long to get over such a loss, no matter what the circumstances it just hurts.

You are stronger than you think - it has only been a few months so just use this time relax and think about the future and what you want from it.

I still cry when I think of my lost bean, but I had a BFP earlier this week so now I am excited but bl**dy petrified.. the m/c in August still feels so fresh.

Take each day as it comes and remember we are hear if you need us xxx

 

[HayleyB]

Thanks for your note!
My cycle is so all over the place at the moment....
We've been TTC since we lost the baby, and nothing seems to have happened.
Last month i had a 42 day cycle, needless to say after 35 days i started getting my hopes up!
This month i'm already 7 days late (going off my normal 28 days!) but in my calender i've marked to not get excited until 42 days.
Me and my husband have agreed that if i've not come on by the 42nd day we're going to wait until Xmas eve to do a test....
This month is the first month where its not ruled my life!
Although i'm so scared of coming on cos a bean would be such a nice xmas pressie, and Graham would be so happy!!!

x

 

[Anna Marie]

Hi Hayley,

ARe you charting your temps etc so you know if you are ovulating? Were your cycles always this long? I have found that doing my temps every day really helped figure our when ovulating so could time BD better... it took a few months but we now have another BFP and I am petrified but excited.. every day I worry like crazy cos my m/c in August still feels so recent but I just have to hope for the best.

Good luck with this cycle and baby dust to you for a Xmas BFP!!

take care xxxx

 

[HayleyB]

Was just looking through my old posts, and found this one!
nice to read back how we all felt at the time, and to remind myself that i'm not alone in feeling like that!!!

xox

 

[MUMFIRST]

Hi.
I was unsure about posting, but will go ahead anyway.

I had a missed mc last Sept. I was 20wks, but it seems our son died around 17 weeks. He would have been our 2nd child and I was devastated. I had an induced labour, we met our little boy, and in the weeks to come we quietly scattered his ashes, just my husband, my 18mnth daughter and I.

I am now 11wks pregnant (the reason I was unsure about posting). Ofcourse it's wonderful news for us, but in the weeks and months following our mc, all I could think about was being pg, and it seemed EVERYONE else I knew had 'great news'. I was desperate to be pg by my original due date. But the panic and desperation seemed to wear off, and I crossed the dreaded date with an air of acceptance. That was 4months after the mc.

Every period brought real disappointment, until June (9 months on from mc).

I guess what I want to say is.... I've been there and I'm so sorry for every other person who has to go through it. It affects everyone differently. For me, I lost Jack, and I can never get him back. But I still talk to him, just as I talk to the baby I'm carrying now. And with God's will we will have a brother or sister for Grace in March 2007.

I pray that, if it's what you want, then you will all find yourselves in my position soon. But most importantly I pray you find peace.

Sharon x.

 

[HayleyB]

Hi Sharon,
Its nice to read your post.
Like you i talk to my angels everyday. It helps me a lot, especially on bad days!
Hope you have a happy healthy 9 months!!

xox

 

[Lyn_no3]

hi, altho this post is a year old it is now 3 months since i mc and most of what you said has really summed up what i'm goin thru at the minute, i have just decided that i'm ready to try again, i wasnt sure i ever would tho i didnt realise it would hurt so much n OH just swept it all under the carpet saying "it wasnt anything yet anyway" which just broke my heart, but on a positive note its good to see that everyone on here is so positive about moving on and im hopin your good vibes can help me get back on track, and hopefully i can manage to help someone out along the way aswell
Lyn xx