3 months on .... how should we feel?

[Anna Marie]

Hi everyone,

Just wondering how everyone is.. I always read these posts but it seems most of you are back in the ttc boards like me.. thats great news cos it shows we are all moving forward and dealing with our losses.

Personally I feel OK. I have my very very down days when that awful witch AF arrives and reminds me of all the pain and suffering I experienced during my loss and of course pointing out to me in a cruel way that I am not pregnant but I also remind myself that it has only been 3 months.... perhaps I am expecting too much but I cannot deny that I still feel sad and angry.. I know that another BFP will not take away the pain of losing my little bean but it will help me look to the future more positively and perhaps help me feel a bit less of a failure

I hope those of you who have suffered recently are also feeling better and ready to try again, and again, and again... for as long as it takes..

good luck and take care
x

 

[LucyBee]

Hi Anna Marie,
Your post sums up how I'm feeling at the moment.
AF arrived yesterday and I feel so down about it. It does remind me of what I lost and it makes me worry that I won't be there again.
Today I drove down the road that I drove down with my husband just after I'd had the ultrasound that confirmed I had miscarried.
I cried in the car because just being on that road bought back all of those memories.
It's a grieving process i guess and will stay with us for a long time but it will make us stronger and think how much our next little beans will be wanted!
Lucyx

 

[Anna Marie]

Hey Lucy,

yeah I saw your other thread and I had a lump in my throat as it was so familiar to me.. it IS a grieving process and we have to allow ourselves the time and space to deal with it. Our bodies may have recovered but I know my heart hasn't so if I don't get my BFP soon I will put it down to not being ready.

Its hard doing normal day to day things.. listening to certain songs makes me cry hysterically as I remember singing along so happy when pregnant etc.. even seeing new born babies or very pregnant women makes me shake.. all the stupid little things are very poignant but it will get better I hope. In fact I do feel stronger each day.. just become a little bit obsessed with ttc.. but charting it all now helps me focus and more aware.

AF is the dreaded reminder.. just pamper yourself and talk to your OH about it. My OH doesn't really understand how I feel but probably cos I don't talk enough.. I bottle it up too much.

Anyway big hug to you and hope that AF is not too bad this time and soon you will be looking forward to BD'ing again and hoping for an early Xmas pressie in way of a BFP.

Take care
x

 

[LucyBee]

Oh yes, I can't think of a better Christmas present!
Actually, the thought has really cheered me up so I'm going to try extra hard in the hope that there'll be a little bean under the tree this year!
(If only it were that easy!)
I do try and talk to my husband about it and he's really sweet and understanding but I don't think he really knows how the feelings involved in actually going through a m/c. Every time I drive past the hospital it brings back memories.
By the way, do NOT watch Bodies on BBC2 under any circumstances because that put me back about 156 steps after watching it on Saturday. It is WAY too much information for anyone that's got anything remotely to do with babies.
Anyway, it's really helped to get your post and to know I'm not the only person feeling like this.
Fingers crossed for a CC (Chrismas Conception!) for both of us.
Lucyx

 

[jacquidube]

Hi Anne Marie and Lucybee. Im so glad you are back on here Anne Marie, i always look out for your post when i come on and i am overjoyed you are here writing another thread.
Its so hard isnt it, my AF came very early this month.....just 19 days after my last one.......i thought that i was having implantation bleeding but it wasnt and i am still bleeding. My cycles are all over the place since my miscarriage.
I cried too the other day when i started to think about my miscarriage. You know what i cried over....it was that i never gave baby a name. I felt like i was crying over something but wasnt quite sure why, then i realised that if i had given the baby at least some recognition i would of known the reason why i had cried....so i gave baby a name and i called him Aaron. I have had 4 miscarriages and only one did i name cause i knew the baby's sex, so i had to name the other 3. I am crying now cause i feel so bad that i did not name them. (like they were neither here nor there).... but i truly believe now they all have a name and one day they will all greet me in heaven when i leave this earth.
Its lovely to remember but also sad cause i wanted them all here with me.
I am still going to try as long as i can and i pray for you both that you will have a little bean in your tummies by xmas.....I really do. You both sound so wonderful.
Lets keep on coming on here to encourage one another and others who have been in the same situation.
Take care. All my love
Jacqui. x x x x

 

[Anna Marie]

AAaawww Jacqui, reading your post gave me goose bumps.. bless you.
Its nice to hear from you again.. I am glad you are still trying and looking forward too. We have to I suppose.

You are so right about the grieving process.. for some reason we need closure and finality and without a name somehow the little beans are in limbo. We actually planted an Acer Tree in our garden after my m/c and everytime I look at it I remember, I didn't name our bean but as he/she was conceived in Milan Italy we kept referring to him/her as "Milano" so that sort of stuck with me. It would not of course been called that but it gives me a nice memory of that time and of my little bean.

As for my AF's.. the first 2 after m/c were 24 and 28 days but third was 25 days so this time I am just guessing as I don't really have any fertility signs except the temp rise to indicate ovulation. I have had hardly any CM since the m/c.. I expected to be very fertile but my body is saying otherwise.. maybe its my age [36] interferring again... I am charting this month so hopefully will see a pattern soon and then can really go for goal and yes a Xmas BFP would be fantastic.. for all of us!!!

Jacqui are you having any investigatory tests into your recurrent m/c? I get my results in Nov to all the blood tests they have taken over the past 2 months... not sure if I want to know results but better the devil you know I suppose. The consultant did say she thinks my 3 m/c are unrelated as all happened at different stages of pregnancy but of course I still feel like a failure and so scared that I will never actually get to hold my own little one in my arms!

Lucy you are definitely not alone on here.. I also cry whenever I go to the hospital and I have been 5 times for various things since m/c and it does not get any easier.. when I go to the EPU to see the recurrent miscarriage specialist it brings back so many weird memories it freaks me out and I am always in tears. Last week I went past the ward I was in when I was admitted for the m/c and saw the doctor who examined me at the other side of door and just recognising her set me off too!! It will get easier and I tell my OH that he has to try to understand otherwise it will drive a wedge between us so he is trying now.

I write alot in the other threads but I always come back to this one as it holds alot of memories for me, the lovely things people wrote when I was going through my m/c it is fab to know that people out there support us and we need all the encouragement we can get so as Jacqui says.. its great to be here for each other and let's hope we can all spread some baby dust around!!

xxx

 

[LucyBee]

this time I am just guessing as I don't really have any fertility signs except the temp rise to indicate ovulation. I have had hardly any CM since the m/c.. I expected to be very fertile but my body is saying otherwise.. maybe its my age [36] interferring again... I

Me too!
I'm 36 in April so I really feel the pressure is on.
I don't seem to have any fertility signs since the m/c either which doesn't seem to be helping the stress-levels.
This month I'm going to chart too.

Thank you AM and Jacqui for such lovely posts.
They really made a difference.
Lucyx

 

[Anna Marie]

Hi Lucy,

I think we have to give ourselves time, I know its hard as each month seems to go sooooo slowly but I am hoping that my body will sort itself out and when ready I will be + again!!

The charting is really helpful, never knew about temps etc but now I can see a pattern, last month my temp rose suddenly hopefully meaning that I did actually ovulate but it was earlier than expected [day 13] and my temp went up today [day 11] so perhaps I have ovulated early again this time.. if I have a few months like this I can work out better when to BD etc, I also hope that in time the CM will return as I had quite alot back in June when conceived so I was obviously fertile then.. maybe its a once a year thing..

My birthday is also April.. 24th.. I will be 37 then.. yes it makes me feel like I am running out of time...

 

[sarahj]

hi ladies. i m/c in june and like youselfs i am feeling better but i still get a horrible feeling when i see people i know that are still pregnant and have big bumps and i think to myself that i should look like that. i guess those feelings will get better i am just so jelous of anyone who is pregnant!!! at the moment my af is 3 days late but i had a bfn so im probably just a little to stressed about things. im 31 and have two kids 7 and 5 years old but i got married in march and my husband does not have any children. i also find it hard to drive past the hospital and little things can make me cry sometimes and as sweet as my husband is i really do not think men can fuly understand how we feel. but like i said we should all feel better in time. i had my fortune told the other day and she said my baby was with my grandad who died in may which although is very sad has given me some comfort! she also said i was going to have another baby and it was going to be a girl!! so keep watching ladies and lets se if it is true!! all the best of luck to you

love sarah x x

 

[Anna Marie]

Hi Sarah,

So sorry for your loss. Yes we have to carry on and try to be strong.. especially as you have other children to care for!! I know what you mean about men.. I always moan about my OH not understanding, I have now just given up on expecting him to. I just hope that when [if] I get another BFP that I do not have to endure what I went through this year so we can both move forward with our lives.

Don't give up on the BFN.. maybe too early to test and there is not enough HCG yet.. test again in a couple of days.. have you been charting your temps? wow.. you may be pregnant.. wouldn't that be lovely.. maybe the fortune teller was right!!

good luck
x

 

[jacquidube]

Hi Anne Marie, went for my tests today and they took 4 lots of blood...didnt expect that and will have results back in the next 5 working days.....at least I can find out for myself if alls ok.
I dont think I will be posting on the other thread. Think I upset some girls about my Husbands behaviour with the cat. I really didnt want to do that. I am very upset over my husbands behaviour and the way he is, maybe I should not of said anything. I really havent put my husband before my cat. Im a people pleaser and that means to me sometimes not being able to say NO.
I am really sorry if I upset some girls. It wasnt intentional, I feel really bad about my cat. I dont like my husband very much at the moment, he is bossy and thinks that how all men should be, really sorry Anne Marie.
Love Jacqui.....hope all went well for you today with your scan.

 

[Anna Marie]

Hi Jacqui,

So sorry but I just had a rant and rave at you about your husband on the other thread.. I am so sorry but i had bad news at the hospital yesterday and my head is all over the place.

I am sure you have not upset the girls.. we all just stick up for each other and are worried about you.. I am too.. your husband sounds like he is not a kind person.. if he can be so mean to a defenseless animal.. cats just want a bit of love, food and shelter, is that so much for him to give??

Anyway I have a polyp in my uterus.. in the endometrium.. it can cause infertility and miscarriages and I am so upset about it. and my OH has been a totally insensitive ******* about it all saying its probably nothing and I am over reacting and I just look for things to be wrong with me I am so hurt by his inability to understand.. he has no idea what this m/c meant to me and that every thing that could be a cause I take very seriously and so should he.

sorry but am so upset I cannot type .. be back later.

take care and sorry that I had a go at you too about your husband.. but I want you and your cat to be happy!!!! x

p.s the 4 blood tests are normal, they test for so many things I think I have given about 10 vials of blood so far.. get all the results in December. Don't think I can face any more bad news this year.

 

[sarahx500]

hi all,
i lost twin girls {maddison and kennedy}at 6 months pregnant in december 2003 and it still gets to me now,although i didnt loose mine through miscarriage, i dont think u ever get over it but it really duz get easier.

ive only been ttc for a short while but it duz get easier.

good luck every1 in ttc..xxx

 

[jacquidube]

Sarah I am really sorry to hear you lost twins, that must of been devastating for you....... I just cant imagine it, to have twins would of been a dream for me. Bless you for coming on here and talking about them and thankyou for your encouraging words.
All my love Jacqui x x x x

 

[sarahx500]

hi all, jaqui, dont be too hard on hubby, they say things and show feelings in different ways,, thats men for u ..

i hope things go ok at the hospital for..

i lost all hope of ttc again but things do happen and reading about things on this forum gives me hope, and i hope it gives u hope aswell..

im still devestated about my girls even now, and now more so coz its coming up to the time i lost them,, but miracles do happen as i said...

if u want to chat anytime..
good luck xxx

 

[jacquidube]

Thanks Sarah.....only just posted........Im ok with hubby now, we sorted it out, cant be angry with him too long anyway. Yes they are different and we have to take that into consideration....thankyou.
We are trying for another but lost 4 so you seem to lose heart, even scared of actually finding out again when i do conceive. You are very strong and I admire you for that. You know I kept my baby I miscarried in Feb cause I couldnt let go and I still cant. Baby was fully formed too.
Hope you are ok.
All my love to you.

 

[sarahx500]

jaqui, i no its not easy to let go.

i got called silly for wot i did for my girls,,, i planted trees although they also had plaques with my grandad at his grave , wen i planted the trees it seemed like cud i say goodbye properly to them, although i still talk to them now.. it helps to do wot U and hubby think will be best to say goodbye.

my OH left me yesterday and i hope im strong enuff to carry on, he did it a few years ago so i suppose my AF on tuesday was a blessing.

U do wot ever it takes to say goodbye

xx

 

[jacquidube]

Oh my word Sarah, are you going to be ok? How long were you together. I am really really sorry, and there you were saying to not have a go at my hubby when your other half has left you only yesterday, bless you, you are a gem. Are you hurting Sarah or did you expect this?

 

[sarahx500]

he did the same years ago, with the same person , but at the time she was a 16 year old from a few streets away, and now shes 18, he was 30 the 1st time.. to be honest im numb,, i no he'll be back wen he gets bored but if i allow my self to think about it thats wen it hurts. i had a breakdown the 1st time he did it coz we had been together 10 years nearly, and i had to go and live with my mum coz i just cudnt cope,i went through self harm , im 30 but we all need our mums!... but i didnt think he'd do it again

 

[jacquidube]

No way hun do you need this. She is only 18 now and she is still too young cause he is 32. Of course you need to go to your mum, thats what she is there for. I hope your going to be ok. How can any man do this. Were you trying for a baby together? Please for your own sake dont have him back, you know you deserve better. Do you still love him? I know how hard that is too to love someone who hurts you. Do you live on your own Sarah?