24 weeks and being bullied at work

[rredfern]

I'm 24 weeks pregnant at the moment and I have had a history of getting quite stressed and angry in the past. However, my life has been absolutely brilliant over the past couple of years and I've been used to having a loving husband, a nice home, a great job which I enjoy and then we tried for a baby and luckily for us it happened within 3 months. Needless to say, there wasn't an ounce of stress in my life and I felt as though I had a great calm environment (my body) to grow a baby in. I know stress can affect babies and lately for some reason, there are a group of 3 people making fun of me at work. They are all grown adults, and I have known them all for years, so i really can't work out what is going on or why they are doing it but I have overheard them making fun of me over the past 2 days now. I have spoken to my own boss about it, as it's really getting my blood pressure up and making me feel very stressed at times. I am very concerned about the health of my baby, and don't understand why these nasty people have decided to target me, when I'm at the most vunerable stage of my life. Please can someone offer some advice on stress management and how I can handle this. I refuse to let this affect my baby, and it really hurts that these people don't seem to care about that.

 

[Rachel80]

What sort of things have you heard? What has your boss said? Are you sure it's about you? & not your hormones getting the better of you? If I were you I would ask to speak to one of them on their own, explain what you've heard & how it's made you feel. Nothing is worth stressing yourself out over but I know how horrible it is when people are talking about you behind your back or you have suspicions they are. Do you have a union or hr dept? If so you could always involve them as an absolute last resort x

 

[Jojo84]

Mtge reason they're singling you out at your most vulnerable time is because you're vulnerable - that's how bullies work. I was bullied from the age of 3 (not kidding) to when I was 22 and I know how their twisted little petty minds work.

If you're sure they are talking about you then raise a grievance in writing as if its in writing it has to be taken seriously.

 

[rredfern]

I have heard conversations I have had with people being repeated back and people laughing about it. I did think to myself 'am I being paranoid here', but I'm 100% that I'm not. These people are so stupid that they think because I'm a few meters away with my back to them that I'm deaf all of a sudden. I don't think they realise how loud they are. I brushed it off yesterday but today it was obvious. My boss has said she will speak to there boss about it when she is back from leave. I was going to tackle them and speak to them face to face, but they are so nasty that the situation would just escalate and that would cause me more stress. The worst part is that these people are at the same level as me (one at a higher level), and they are supposed to be professionals but they behave far from it. I will just have to deal with it until My boss speaks to theirs are if so I will take it through HR/unions. I just have to try and manage the stress in between times. People can be seriously evil, I just don't get it!

 

[rredfern]

Mtge reason they're singling you out at your most vulnerable time is because you're vulnerable - that's how bullies work. I was bullied from the age of 3 (not kidding) to when I was 22 and I know how their twisted little petty minds work.

If you're sure they are talking about you then raise a grievance in writing as if its in writing it has to be taken seriously.

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Thanks jojo. Its a bit harder than that because I can claim bullying, because it's all about perception, but they will just deny everything. I might mention some things to a few people and get a few witnesses involved. If anyone witnesses anything then I will be taking them to the cleaners. It's just trying to prove foul play that makes these situations difficult.

 

[Mummybexee]

The best thing you can do

Turn around and make them feel about the size of a peice of shit on your shoe and let them know their bullying isn't effecting you - they will get bored if they think they Arnt getting to you

Meanwhile keep the pressure on your manager- if you have no luck with him/her - go to their manager

Write down everything - speak to HR - make yourself heard

 

[Jojo84]

Yeah keep a diary. The thing is that they can say all psychological bullying is perception but throw in there the health of your unborn child and watch them go into "oh shit" mode

Personally I'd take a bit if time off with stress related illness to back it up if you're feeling stressed

 

[Foxini]

As hard as it may be, you should try and ignore it. if you see them together just walk on by out of earshot.

you say you won't let this affect your baby but by allowing them to get to you like this they already are.

do you really care what they think or say? they're obviously idiots with very little going on in their own lives - i mean who remembers someone else's conversations in that greater detail? really???

You've mentioned it to your manager and out of principle I'd make sure they follow it through, but try to not get stressed about it.

 

[rredfern]

Thanks all. I feel a lot better about it now. It is hard not to react but I think your all right. I just have to 'rise above it' as they say, and when they think that I couldn't care less then they'll soon move in to something else. I really don't care what they have to say about me but I think I felt more embarrassed by them because I could hear them making fun. Stuff em! if things don't change next week I'll have to take it further but I'll be putting mine and babies health first, and if it continues to get to me I'll just put a complaint in about them and have a couple of weeks off x

 

[JoanneG79]

Hope you get things sorted out soon and I agree with everyone else here. Write everything down, go to HR if necessary, go off on the sick with stress for a week - that will scare the crap out of them all!

Even if you weren't pregnant, this kind of bullying is both unacceptable and childish. I would be tempted to start talking to them as if they were children! If they want to act like that, they will be treated that way too.

This kind of thing makes my blood boil! My Mum was off her work for over a year with stress and depression and it was all down to her boss being a bitch! I had to go into her work once to drop stuff off and the boss then started trying to make me feel stupid - I told her my blonde hair wasn't natural so I wasn't some stupid bimbo. She was blonde - she didn't like me very much after that!!

 

[rredfern]

Hope you get things sorted out soon and I agree with everyone else here. Write everything down, go to HR if necessary, go off on the sick with stress for a week - that will scare the crap out of them all!

Even if you weren't pregnant, this kind of bullying is both unacceptable and childish. I would be tempted to start talking to them as if they were children! If they want to act like that, they will be treated that way too.

This kind of thing makes my blood boil! My Mum was off her work for over a year with stress and depression and it was all down to her boss being a bitch! I had to go into her work once to drop stuff off and the boss then started trying to make me feel stupid - I told her my blonde hair wasn't natural so I wasn't some stupid bimbo. She was blonde - she didn't like me very much after that!!

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lol, so many unnecessarily nasty people in the world. It makes you wonder whats so wrong in there own lives that they've got to try and make others feel small. Its horrid when you have to support your own parent with something like that. Believe it or not, I have had to help my mum fight a bullying case against her own boss, and now she is off work sick. She works for the NHS and bullying is rife there

 

[JoanneG79]

Hope you get things sorted out soon and I agree with everyone else here. Write everything down, go to HR if necessary, go off on the sick with stress for a week - that will scare the crap out of them all!

Even if you weren't pregnant, this kind of bullying is both unacceptable and childish. I would be tempted to start talking to them as if they were children! If they want to act like that, they will be treated that way too.

This kind of thing makes my blood boil! My Mum was off her work for over a year with stress and depression and it was all down to her boss being a bitch! I had to go into her work once to drop stuff off and the boss then started trying to make me feel stupid - I told her my blonde hair wasn't natural so I wasn't some stupid bimbo. She was blonde - she didn't like me very much after that!!

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lol, so many unnecessarily nasty people in the world. It makes you wonder whats so wrong in there own lives that they've got to try and make others feel small. Its horrid when you have to support your own parent with something like that. Believe it or not, I have had to help my mum fight a bullying case against her own boss, and now she is off work sick. She works for the NHS and bullying is rife there

A friend of my MIL works in the NHS too and she had to leave her job! She was asked to participate in a survey, answered honestly and got suspended for it! Some people get on a power trip and it goes straight to their heads. Absolutely disgusting.

 

[megsmeadow]

Not much to add but this website is great for stress management. It's created by the Scottish government, not sure you can get the cd outside Scotland but there is other stuff on there that is helpful
http://stepsforstress.org/

 

[tetra]

throw in the words 'I think they are discriminating against me because I am pregnant' and watch them shit themselves. once you mention discrimination/the health of your unborn child HR will be forced to do something about it to cover their own backs - trust me.

People can be horrible honey, but it's usually because you've got something more exciting going on in your life/you're better at your job/have more going for you.

chin up, and if all else fails give them a piece of your mind and blame it on the hormones xx