Will it get better?

[Blueclass]

Hi i keep getting told I am doing wrong by not letting my soon to be 9month old cry to sleep. She will only breast feed to sleep and is up at least 3 times in the night. Friends and family keep saying instead of letting her fall asleep on me or us we should just put her down and let her cry. I personally don't feel it's for me but everyone keeps saying it will only get worse. I go back to work next week and im desperate to sleep but really don't want to let her cry. She never cries and is always so happy so really struggle to leave her.
Can someone tell me they did the same and it got better..... please!

 

[Shepherdess]

Obviously controlled crying isn't everyone's bag but I did it and my little girl responded really well to it. It works quicker for some than others. We did it at a year. I'd leave her for 1 minute then go in lie her down and say night night then leave her for two then three and I'm being honest when I say she never cried for more than 4 minutes and within 4 days she was no bother- this was for wakings during the night

To get my lo settled on a night I stopped feeding her to sleep, just keeping her awake as she fed and then I'd lie her on the bed next to me and stroke and cuddle her until she went off before carrying her to the cot.

I stopped bf at 1 and now nearly two she has a bottle of cows milk at 6/630, a little more chilled play time then I cuddle her to sleep. I'm not planning on stopping that. For ages I thought I should but actually I love the cuddles and so does she and why should I stop. It won't be long until she doesn't want to anymore, even now sometimes in a sleepy daze she'll ask me to put her into the cot. I'm making the most of it

Don't let anyone pressure you. Do what is best for you and your baby

 

[Browneyed Girl]

I've never been able to let my son cry himself to sleep either. He's 19 months now and he still gets cuddled to sleep and then put in his cot. He used to be up several times a night but he has improved and has slept consistently well since 17 months. If he wakes in the night now more often than not he will settle himself back to sleep so he's learned to self settle despite people telling me he never would.

Does your lo still feed during the night? I'd be trying to stop this, my lo hasn't had a feed during the night since he was 8 months, once he was taking a decent amount of solids with his milk in the day he was able to drop his night feed. Does she have a dummy? My lo finds his a real comfort but he only gets it at sleep time.

I would also check she's getting enough / not too much sleep in the day so she is tired enough to sleep through. We had a breakthrough with my lo when he started a pattern of being awake for 1-2 hours during the night and then sleeping in the next morning - the rule is now that if he's awake in the night for no reason other than he's awake he doesn't get to sleep in the next morning and I wake him around 7-7.30. This has really helped. Also if he has his nap in the afternoon I don't let him have longer than 1 1/2 hours or sleep later than 4pm, your lo might be a bit young for that though.

Do what you think is right, she will improve x

 

[Blueclass]

She doesn't nap in the day unless I feed her and she will fall asleep but for now longer than 20 mins.
Im going to try and cut down the feeds in the night I think as I am shattered. Everyone says she will not learn to self sooth but I'm glad I'm reading otherwise. Thanks xx

 

[Shepherdess]

It may be useful to encourage her to nap more during the day. 9 months is very young not be having a good nap. She might get better quality sleep at night if she napped better

 

[kumber]

I've never done and never would do CC. Ds2 was bf til 10 months, and still needed cuddling to sleep until about 14 months. He's now 18 months and self settles into bed after a story. Similarly with ds1 too - I rocked and cuddled him to sleep, and he gradually self settled. By 18 months he was happily sleeping on his own after a story. It absolutely does not make things worse, nor does it make a rod for your own back, in my experience.

There is also a huge difference between upset crying and frustrated crying, and I think only the parent knows the difference. I've let my boys cry or give off in frustration because they don't want to sleep and are pushing boundaries, but as soon as they get upset I'm in comforting them. I think the terminology can become confusing.

I think 9 months old is still very young for a bf baby to self settle as they need that comfort of boob. Do what you feel is right for you and your child, you know her best. It's hard but ignore other's "help", all it does is make you feel like a crap mum when you clearly aren't. Chin up lovely

 

[Browneyed Girl]

I would definitely work on her daytime naps, it's often about catching them at the right time before they get too tired. At that age my lo didn't nap that well either though, probably 2 half hour naps per day but as he got more mobile and active he started to need longer. I always make sure he gets out in the fresh air every day as that helps too xx

 

[Kholl]

I have never let any of my babies cry for any amount of time to sleep. Yes, it will get better. Have you read "The No Cry Sleep Solution"? If your baby is temperamentally pretty mellow overall I think the approaches in that book would work wonders. There are so many creative and gentle approaches to encouraging independent sleep, and longer stretches of sleep, that don't involve letting your baby cry. Babies and even young children have emotional needs during the night, that's just the way it is. Our modern day life makes their schedules and needs very inconvenient, but that's a problem with the demands and schedules of modern adults, it's not a problem with babies and young children.

Overall, after having 3 babies, what I can say with the most certainty is that nothing matters more than doing what you KNOW is right for YOUR baby. Cosleeping vs cribs, crying it out vs not crying it out, baby wearing, natural birth vs epidurals, I mean there are so many things and it really doesn't matter what you do as long as you feel in your heart you are doing what you believe is right. Mamas have instincts that are as strong as a newborns' instinct to nurse, or to cry. We know. we KNOW. Denying those instincts because other people are being idiots and giving you "helpful parenting advice" will only create more chaos and confusion in your life and in your relationship with your daughter. Keep doing what you feel is right, and trust that so many other women (like me!) know it's right as well.

 

[ruby2015]

I can't bear it when family and friends tell me what to do poor you!
I was like you- didn't want to let him cry and was perfectly happy to feed to sleep etc. But then as he got older his sleep started to deteriorate and he was very restless sleeping in our bed. I used to BF him to sleep then when he woke up for another feed at 1/2am he absolutely would not go back in his cot- he woke up as soon as I tried to put him in. So we just co slept which worked well and I loved it actually. But he started to find it hard to sleep- couldn't get comfortable and would cry a lot. All 3 of us were exhausted. So I decided to sleep train after many weeks of research. It was hard for the first few nights but nowhere near as bad as I expected, and he is now so happy to be put to bed and sleeps through the night. He's also much better in the day as he is well rested. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you should do what feels best for you and don't rush into anything, but also don't be too afraid of sleep training if/ when your current situation starts to feel unsustainable. Feel free to DM me if you want to see my diary (I made notes every night!) xx