Why are Mum's so competitive?

[Olive]

Does anyone else feel like other Mum's you know act like raising a child is a competition?

Brody, so far (well aware this could change), to me, is a great baby. We're very fortunate in that he sleeps well imo, just cries when he has wind or hasn't got his bottle quick enough (impatient lol) and idk, I just love him to bits.

I almost feel like I can't say he only gets up once at night with some people I know, as they make me feel like I'm rubbing it in. I'm just answering a question half the time or acknowledging how fortunate we are. Or with others, their response is to do with their baby sleeping through and never having to get up. It's like a competition you can't win! Lol.

Why can't Mum's just support one another. It's no wonder at times Mum's feel like people are criticising. I think we criticise ourselves the most and then make others feel like we're criticising them iykwim.

I wouldn't hesitate in telling a friend I had a shite night because he was sick, for example. Or that I had trouble bf. But then I get responses like "I can count on one hand the amount of times x was sick as a baby" Lol.

It def goes both ways I think. If I'm cooing over how fab he is, I get the impression some people think I'm saying their child isn't (I'd never do that), and if I say we had a poo day, I get what I feel is a competitive response.

Am I making sense? Lol! Sorry for the rant. I just wondered if anyone else has noticed. This doesn't happen on PF thank god. We actually support one another, cheer each other on and try to help when we can

I just think it's a bit sad that this happens in real life so to speak. Every baby is different.

I've just typed all of this and maybe it's all in my head and I'm just sensitive (which admitedly, I can be at times) It is probably just me taking people the wrong way! Oh the irony.

Over and out!

xxx

 

[Sarah13]

I know what you mean, but in my head I'm happy so let comments etc wash over me now. The 'sleeping through' and 'is he good' comments annoy me most as I don't think my son is bad or naughty because he wakes to feed every 2 hours or so, I think he's normal just all babies are different like adults. Often it's just us mums chatting though remember, they might be saying things so you know your not alone in having a 'bad' night so we can sympathize with each other and offer advice. I often say things to other mums but def don't mean it to be competitive in anyway, I just want to gossip baby stuff which you can't do with friends who don't have little babies!
The other one is the competitive labour! I darent mention my labour as I know I was so lucky!

 

[Olive]

You're right. I think I just worry too much about what people think in both senses (me being a bad mum or me sounding judgemental when I'm not). It is totally just me being a pleb! Lol.

Waking every 2 hours for a feed is what is normal to your lo. You feed on demand and do what's best for them. That's the thing, every baby is completely different, so I don't know how people can compare really (myself included).

Ikwym about labour though.

xx

 

[littlemiss83]

Oh, I definatly know what you mean.

Its something you dont realise happens til you have an LO. I found the same thing...that I was un-able to "praise" my baby w/out feeling like I was offending other ppl. I too will quite happily tell ppl If I have a bad day, if I do, I get the....oh, my LO never done that. And If I say something good about my LO, I get.....silence, or a negative comment in response.

I find alot of other mums are very very bad at taking advice. For example...my friend says to me...my LO is sick quite alot, I say...could you try keeping him raised after a feed, or something along those lines, I get dirty looks as if i'm a know it all. Thats what I cant understand. I love getting advice. I like to know everything, so when it comes to advice..im like....tell me, tell me, I wana know!

Its a female thing to an extent too, females are always jealous of other females. I have more male friends than female friends because of this

 

[Olive]

Littlemiss - that is exactly what I meant. You put it a lot better!

x

 

[lewisca]

Anyone else fine the older generation very opinionated ? Think they r the worst !! My best friend had her first lo in July and was always asking for advice. I always stated this is what worked for us but u could also try xyz her mum on the other hand was u need to do it like this !
Also finding now with my friend that I dread saying Rhea is good at night cos her lo is still waking but then only once. Always make a point of saying every baby is different and that she knows her lo best !! Xxxx

 

[LaurenMM]

Yeah I understand hun... when I say Angel only usually cries when shes hungry or overtired and only wakes once during the night etc I get a snidey "don't expect it to last" or"alright dont rub it in" - I don't rub it in, I'm nearly always answering a flipping question!! And some people are so flipping patronising too! My friend who is only a couple of years older than me has a daughter who was born 3 months before Angel. We went for lunch one day and we went to leave and I was trying to put Angels coat on while she was sat on my lap and Angel being a little wriggler was making it difficult. She didnt offer to help she just started at me as if to say "what on earth are you doing" and said "little tip for you just hold one hand through the sleeve blah blah blah" Im like I know how to dress Angel thanks, shes just wriggling and she was only a few weeks old at the time!! Just the way she said it was like she thought she was a bloody expert or something! Really bugs me!! xx

 

[tinks77]

These are the reasons I avoid mother & baby groups like the plague!
I know there are some lovely mums there but the other ones put me right off!

 

[Mrs N]

I do agree but I also find that I dont like saying what harry does as I think it comes across as boasting coz he is strong and rolls himself over etc. I feel like if I say anything then people think im showing off!!
xxx

 

[jojo_2012]

It's a bit sad but it won't change. We all think our LOs are the best, and at the same time if we think we've had a hard day nobody else better dare try and say theirs was worse lol.

When I read this I think of my son's school, all the stay at home mums with the best kids costumes, never forgetting anything, and me dropping a half dressed child off to school with the car still rolling lol

 

[redbear]

I get that a lot, because most of the time Alice sleeps through people seem shitty about it, Also my labour was amazing people get pissed off with that too- they dont realise i had the worst pregnancy before hand so its not like ive had it easy.
I am also sick to death of people telling me what i 'have to come' because she is a girl and people assume she will be a little cow like there children, she is her own individual and im sure she isn't going to be hard because she is a girl.

 

[Olive]

I don't get the "boys are a lot easier" bs. Why? Lol.

 

[mum2b410]

oh I SO know what u mean......it makes me feel sad coz it really shouldn't be like that and we should support each other more and acknowledge that all babies are different as u say and that just coz one sleeps thru and one doesnt isnt a reflection on the ability of the baby or the mum!! I always feel like I have to defend my decisions about what I do with LO around certain people, but what we dop is right for us....I'm not forcing my opinions on anyone but at the same time feel like I'm being 'judged' by what I do and therefore feel I have to defend myself! (if that makes sense!)......wish I could be more like u Sarah13 and not care and let the comments or looks just wash over me! x

 

[Lisa_85]

i totally agree with this as well as how quick a child is developing, really pisses me off because every child is different!

I have been to a 1st birthday party and had to take my neice as im babysitting she isnt walking and is a dinky little thing for 17months, straight away i get asked how old? is she walking... em no, i feel like saying does it look it? she is on her knees! she takes odd steps but loves to crawl! also i got asked is she talking and again i said no, she says odd words but is shy so didnt say anything when we were there... i dont even know when the average for walking and talking is... its just all going to happen when the baby wants it to happen...... Rant over lol xx

 

[ChrissieCool]

I'm always told, aww isn't he small for his age really annoys me, so what if he isn't huge? I know he isn't, I don't need to be told it! I think he is big enough, he is only 4 months geez

 

[lewisca]

I got isn't he small with my first as he was prem and only4ib 10 born. Alway get the potty training and walking comments passed on !! Especially by mil ! So annoying !! And she is now poking fun at Rheas chubby legs !!
That's why I love this forum get advice but none of the negative crap that goes with it !!! Xxx

 

[ChrissieCool]

I get it from people outside, I really don't think he is that small, he is in 3-6 months clothes, don't know what they expect a 4 month to be lol I love chubby legs, Jake has them

 

[lewisca]

Ethan was tiny at 4 mths he was only just in 0-3mths ! So rhea does seem big to us as Kian wasn't big either never had a baby on the 50th centile before ! Love her chubby legs ! Just looked back at photos on fb and both boys were chubby too so don't know what she is on about !!
I do try to ignore negative comments and do fine it easier now as a mum of 3 but mil can always get my back up !! Xxx

 

[Olive]

Love you girlies.

I'm looking forward to the walking, talking comments in future

I suppose we should let things wash over us. I'm definitely going to try and be conscious of what I'm saying more so I don't make someone feel that way. My SIL is due in April and I reeeeeeeeeally hope we don't get/feel that way with each other.

x

 

[positivity :)]

Yes.yes.yes! Laura it drives me nuts!! A good few of my friends have LO's. One of my friends has 2 kids. Oth of whom have woke every hour as babies (one is my godson, 10 months old) I really feel sorry for my friend but she always asks 'is Will still sleeping thru' and when I say yes, she looks so pissed off! I feel like she's hoping I say, no he's a nightmare!

Talking of competition, 2 of my friends had girls a few months apart and they are sooooo competitive! The girls ate dressed better than me! They literally compete, last year it was like a race to see who could buy their girl pink hunter wellies first and after both moaned that they wanted them first so pathetic! Xx