Whole new level of guilt.

[LuW]

Hi!

So urm Not really sure where to go here and please tell me to eff off if you need to.

But we're TTC first the first time (me and new OH.) now we're settled and I've gotten over the worst of what my string of exes did, but I'm feeling incredibly guilty for it.

It's been nearly four years since I lost my boy and I while I know I wasn't in a place to ever care for him (17 with an abusive partner) its still as raw as the day it happened. Then once I've started thinking about it, I feel awful that while any child we may have will have the most amazing father, my boy had that jail rat as a sperm donor.

I just feel so incredibly guilty that this baby will be planned and that I'm in a position to give it so much more, things I could have never dreamed of being able to offer him.

It's taken me a long time to be in a position where I actually wanted to try and not doing what I did with my ex after and secretly take the pill while still being active on 4 or 5 forums because the pain in the arse would check, but now I'm not sure I can. I feel like he'd be mad at e or hate me for it.


Stupid I know but I'm finding it difficult.

 

[megsmeadow]

Hi lu, I'm sorry you lost your little boy. It sounds like your circumstances have changed massively since then but that's just half the story isn't it. The other half is you, a mummy to an angel and hopefully a rainbow baby sometime soon. Just because things around you are different you're still a mummy and mummies have this incredible way of loving all their children equally.
Go easy on yourself and good luck ttc! x