who has stepkids before becoing pregnant?

[LittleL]

no real purpose of this thread to be honest but i just wondered if any of you was a childless stepmum (obviously before you became pregnant yourself)?

my partner has two little boys from a previous relationship and i love them to bits.. we had often talked about having kids of our own but not for awhile until his boys where older and we felt more seattled..... and then we found out i was pregnant

I just wondered if anyone else was in simular situation and how you think it will be when your new baby arrives etc or what will need to be adapted/changed etc? how do u get on with your stepkids? do they live with you? how do they feel abit a new brother/sister?

laura x

 

[amyjayne77]

Hi,

My hubby had 2 girls when i met him and they came over to ours on all of our days off so it was pretty full on!! His ex was a psycho too which didn't help!
I became pregnant with our 1'st soon after we got together and just as I got preg with our 2nd, they came to live with us! God that was hard!!

Now we have a son too so I am full time mum to 5 kids. The older 2 never see their mum as she is now living in spain and chooses not to see them at all, no contact even, no x-mas b-day cards etc.

I must admit, found i really hard when they came back. logistically and emotionally. My hubby is very level headed and calm and didn't change anything about what he did with them after our 1st came along even though I would have liked a weekend off here and there. They were always very positive towards the new arrivals, despite their mothers attempts to spoil things! They have lived witth us for 5years now and we are 1 big happy family x

 

[LittleL]

thank you!!

although his boys dont live with us, we have them every saturday and sunday and its been like that ever since we got together. Me and my partner have often spoke about having his boys live with us when there older and id love that (although im sure it will be hard at times!!) His boys are darlings and i love them to bits and they love me, but like you, there biological mother is a psycho (has a mental health issue) and has tried everything under the sun to try and get between me and my partner and cause fricton, even as far as using the two little boys as weapons against us and telling them that daddy wont love them or see them anymore after the new baby arrives its shocking!!

I guess im worried about how things will change and how the boys will react too the new baby (even though the eldest seems very keen about it right now) and what the ex will do to make our lifes hell even more - its nice to hear of others in the same situation as me...

its never easy and i never thought id fall in love with someone who already had kids but then you cant see the future!!

 

[amyjayne77]

God, I always thought "I don't think i'd get with someone with kids" lol. To much hassle ha! Get me lol!!

The thing that we always made sure of too,was not to over compensate and be ott with them incase they realised there was going to be a major life change. :Like they'd be disciplined as usual if they were naughty, couldn't have everything they asked for etc....

And the thought of them living with us - scared the life out of me. I got really depressed in my 2nd pregnancy because of all the extra stress of the whole situation. The things we do for the men we love hey!!!

And we had the whole "daddy has his new family now, he has no time for you"! Well that's rich!! Who lives mortgage free on the costa blanca paid for by our up front maintenance payments (when she originally took the kids out there) with her new son?? Bitter?? Much?? lol x

 

[Stunned]

Count me in too! I have 3 stepkids who all live with me and OH. Their mum is a b#%^* and I'm being nice! She rarely contacts them, sends shit stuff for birthdays and Xmas (always a few months late - WTF!) she hasn't bothered to come see them in over 3 yrs now. Youngest is 5 yrs old and believes I'm his mum (he can't remember bio mum cos she dumped them all in foster care twice when they were very little and left them in care for a year refusing to stop drinking enough to look after them properly. Thankfully social services eventually saw the light and handed them over to us instead of returning them to her)

all the kids are really excited about Lil Dixie! I think they see her as a sign of permanency - us 5 (soon to be 6!) are a PROPER family. Youngest is the most excited simply because it is the first time he is going to be a big brother rather than just the baby!

Me and OH were pretty nervous about telling the kids about me being pregnant so we put out feelers to see how they would feel about a new sibling - the response was better than I expected! All of them were adamant that they would like to have a little sister in the future lol! So telling them was great! I'm deter ined to make them feel involved as much as I can so that they won't feel pushed out - they were among the first to know aboutthe pregnancy and came to second scan and were the first to know it's a girl! I'll try to make sure that they meet her first before the rest of the family when she's born.

 

[amyjayne77]

Wow it's great to speak to people in similar situations!!