When does the rollercoaster stop

[Corrinne37]

some days im up ans some days Im down, I dont quite understand.

I now knw (with the help of this website) that so many women go through this, but i have to say this is one of the hardest things ive had to deal with.

I tell myself, i was only 3 months, if i had been further along it would of been much worse.

but certain times, certain dates just make it worse.

I thought i was coping well then these last cple of weeks has been a rollercoaster, today I feel as flat as a pancake.

My exact due date was on Saturday, on Saturday I didnt feel too bad (Friday I felt very low).
My son was born at 37 wks so i know could of been anytime in May really.
Cant wait for June to start, that cycle to be gone.

Then today back down there, prob something to do with two of my friends were PG within a week or two of me, i saw them today with there newborns, it was the 2nd time ive seen them and both times as hit me like a brick. Will always see them- they are my friends.
Constant reminder.

Then to top it off OH tells me quite bluntly how i have got fat, Ive put on weight since my mmc. I know i have. so that made me feel better NOT, then he tells me how he doesnt even want another baby hes just doing it for me.

I dont think the pain will go until I have my baby.

Can anyway tell me does this feeling go on forever, or does it go when your PG again.

xx

 

[heartbroken]

Oh hun im so sorry for what you've been through .. I dont think the pain will ever go away, you just learn to live with it. Grief is so unpredictable you can be so happy one minute and the the next your balling your eyes out.. No matter how long your gone in your pregnancy it still is heartbraking.. That baby was your baby, your hopes and dreams, your future and for it to be taking away is so painful and unfair.. I think your OH should of thinking before he said those nasty things to you.. I hope you start to feel abit better soon xx

 

[Corrinne37]

Hi Heartbroken,
Thankyou, yes its just one of those things that comes and goes.
Im not sure if i feel worse sometimes because of the pain of not conceiving again, it just makes the loss feel worse.

But I am feeling much more positive again now and i know that it will happen one day when its right. Some women are ready to conceive again straight away but i think deep down i needed more time.

I just felt like i needed some kind words from someone who understands the night i wrote this, and you done that. I know you understand, did you have a stillbirth? Its not on your signature of this post but i think i remember.
So my heart goes out to you, to me that it is a totally different ball game so i know you fully understand how it feels to lose a baby.
Much love to you and I really hope your wish comes true very soon.
Look forward to hearing your news xxxxx

 

[specialk]

Its really hard...I think I am ok then realise I am not. My OH has not been supportive after my MC and only today did I give him a piece of my mind for not letting me talk about losing my baby. How does he expect me to deal with it if I cant talk about it? Think he got the message but think he is so selfish for telling me not to dwell on it just cos he had boxed his feelings away (typical man!)

I want a baby but he is not so keen. In fact he wasnt in the first place as my little angel was an accident and at the time (and still now) we have financial worries but we had got our head around it, and then ....it happened and I still cant believe it did esp after having 2 children previous. But I am longing for a baby and he says to wait a few years!!

And it is everywhere..babies I mean..OMG ... people, friends announcing pregnancys and births : ( always reminders xxx

 

[Corrinne37]

yes typical men - just dont think about it and it goes away! unfortunately not for us! xxx
Hope you get your BFP very soon xxxxxx

 

[heartbroken]

Yeah hun my baby boy was stillborn in october at 36 weeks.. He was diagnosed with hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain) at our 20 week scan.. We decided to start trying again in january but it hasnt happend yet and im kind of glad in a way because i have had more time to grieve.. I didnt think it would be so hard ttc.. I hope you get your BFP soon hunni.. I know how frustraiting it can be when you want something so bad.. xx

 

[specialk]

Awwww Heartbroken thats awful I am so sorry for you. Everybodys loss is their own but I feel lucky that mine was early if you can feel lucky at all. Big hugs xx

 

[Corrinne37]

definitely i totally agree, i found out at 12 week scan and that was bad enough.
Really really good luck to you both for the future, we've had our bad luck however bad lets bring on the good luck xxxxxxxx

 

[specialk]

Good luck to u too...dunno when/if I will start trying again cos we werent in the first place (was an accident) so need to persuade my OH! We already have 2 boys but my body clock is ticking am 33 and want one more esp now I lost my baba xx

 

[Corrinne37]

I know special, thats the thing. When you lose a baby, its not just wanting one , but needing one!!! your still young you will get your wish. xxx

 

[specialk]

Yeah I was quite desperate to have one but OH doesnt feel the same and cant do it without him lol. But think we will wait as we need to get sorted financially so need to chill with it and just keep the hope that one day I will get a chance to be a Mummy again xxx

 

[08Princess]

Corinne is right - its a need. And after losing a baby that need can become an obsession.
I long to hold my own baby in my arms.
One day I hope.