when does it stop hurting?

[Rowesb]

after a good day yesterday, I was bought down to earth with a crashing bump as DH's friend announced they had had a little boy, I was only a few weeks behind her, and although am really grateful for where I am now I just don't seem to be able to shake of this feeling that I shouldn't be here and that I should be 34 weeks and due in April. I feel so guilty that I am not coping very well for this baby

have also come to the conclusion that last weeks panic was cos I still blame myself for the MC... and am convinced that I'll do something else wrong this time...

i just feel so f***** up somedays

 

[Mamafy]

Awww hun Firstly you must stop blaming yourself

It does get better but there will be certain things that will stir up your feelings. I lost my little boy 16+ years ago and had 2 girls after him. Then my Sil gave birth and it was a boy and I felt sick and jealous all rolled into one This was 10 years after

I had been fine but certain things will stir those feelings up

 

[ema-lou24]

aw hun, im so sorry u feel like this, the MC wasnt your fault!!

hope u feel better hun xx

 

[ALMom]

First of all, I want to say, I'm sorry for your loss. I had a MC, but it was in the very early stage. If you know you didn't do anything deliberate to cause the MC, why blame yourself? Don't.

I know it takes time to heal, but you've got to get out of that mindset, of convincing yourself that something will go wrong, because your mind will take you up on that.

Have you ever thought about self-help cds? or just doing daily positive affirmations? yes, it's easier said than done, it takes practice, to maintain a positive attitude. But you need to start somewhere, start being positive for this baby, that's a joy in itself. Just start thinking of all the things you're grateful for.

Blessings

 

[serenitylove]

i m/c 14yrs ago and i still say goodnight to that little one every night it never goes but it does get easier to live with you didnt do anything wrong its predestinded from the minute of conception in most cases your still grieving allow the feelings to flow there is no right or wrong way to feel i have a shining star i keep next to my bed i found having something physical to hold helps me and i give it a rub sometimes bit silly but it really helps me xx best of luck and hope you feel a bit better soon xx

 

[MrsR]

I had missed miscarriage 2 years ago and I still say goodnight to bubs. It still hurts. It's easy to say sto blaming yourself but personally I don't KNOW if it's something I did or didn't do and that's why I feel responsible. It's taken me 2 years to feel ready to have another and I'm terrified it'll happen again! I think we feel to blame because at the end of the day it's OUR body that has to protect the life inside us and when that fails with no warning or reason we seek reason and blame and unfortunatly we blame ourselves. I know it wasn't my fault, just as it wasn't your fault, but it's harder to accept that it just happened. I believe my baby that died is an angel now and that she looks after and protects this baby. I have had energy healing sessions and it's really helped me realise that the baby died because it wasn't it's time, it was needed somewhere else. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a baby or child. Hugs and more hugs sweetie.

 

[Rowesb]

Helen u have hit it spot on... I think I feel more messed up cos I know what I am saying is irrational, I have had counselling sessions that have helped me realise that far.... I know I need to concentrate on this bean, and for the most part over the past few weeks I have managed to stay really positive... but it is then that something hits and I almost feel back at square 1 again,

 

[MrsR]

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I know exactly where you are coming from and some days it's so hard to stay positive. I find that I have to take each day as it comes, focus on the present and try not to look too far ahead. I examine every twinge I get, every symptom and I try to remember, is this how it felt before? Etc etc. Every night before I go to sleep I ask the baby I lost to look after this one and I've found that this energy healing has helped alot, maybe it's something to look into as well the counselling sessions? I'm not religious at all in the traditional go to church read the bible way but I do believe that there is a god and that everything happens for a reason. I hope this helps a little bit. Hugs.

 

[Toonlass]

Oh hunny, i don't know what to say, just wanted to give you a hug xx

 

[scaredmum2be]

hey hun i can totally understand how your feeling because on the 11th of march my first pregnancy little bundle of joy should of came into the world but miscarried at 12 weeks with that pregnancy but now im nearly 19 weeks preg i still find it difficult n scared incase i wont be able to share the happiness that we shud be feeling like we did the first one, im still kinda shocked bout being pregnant with this one but one way or another ive got to deal with it. Although on the 11th me an hubby are going to get a tree to mark her time that she would of came into the world but always think of baby T.
It wont ever stop hurting hurt it just eases in time but i feel that all the love will come rushin through when u hold lil un in ur arms.
dont keep beatin ur self up with blame on ur mc no one was to know it was to happen xx

 

[karenandbump]

oh hon, so so sorry ur feeling like this....i get how ur feeling. It is the unexpected things that set u off after something like that has happened and i'm TTC again after a mc now and know it will be mixed emotions if it happens for me and i have a friend who is 2 weeks ahead of where i would have been preg wise and i'm finding that tough.

My thoughts r with u...the mc wouldnt have been ur fault at all....something we very sadly can't contol. So pleased for u that u r expecting and i wish u all the best xxx

 

[Mamafy]

How are you doing now hun?

 

[Rowesb]

ok, it has been a hard weeks, been on nights this week and think that my whole outlook has changed on a big aspect of it, and I don't think it is all to do with pregnancy hormones, I used to be quite professional and caring if that makes sense, this week I have just fell to bits, a similar situation a few weeks back I was putting my frustrations down to the incompetence of another department, but think that things are still a bit too close to home.... cue speaking with my manager and booking some more counselling sessions....
.... I see my midwife next week too and will have a chat with her about how I am feeling, I still haven't been into Archie's memory box cos I don't know how I'ld cope, but want to...

 

[MrsR]

At least you're getting counselling, it's a good step forward. Maybe you could do something to commemorate Archies memory like plant a rose bush or similar and then every time it flowers you'll know it's for him? I don't know what else to say really. Just take each day as it comes. Maybe look in memory box on a more positive day? Sending you big hugs sweetie.