What Kind of Mum Will You Be?

[dannii87]

Hello ladies!

Hope you're all doing well and got lots of lovely things planned for the weekend (It's a bank holiday next Monday - woo hoo!)

Anyway, I was just wondering out of interest what kind of Mum will you think you'll be? I know you can't say for sure until our LOs arrive, but do you have any ideas?

For example, I'm a bit worried that I'm going to be too strict. My friend has a 2 year old daughter and I love her to bits, she calls me Auntie Dannii and she's like a niece to me etc BUT she is so spoiled.

Whenever I go round theirs, Madison (the 2 year old) will just start going through my handbag and taking out my lipgloss and jumping on me etc! Gemma (my friend, Madison's Mum) brought Madison round to my house the other day and was touching all my Mum's ornamants, putting cheesy wotsit fingers on my mum's glass table etc and Gemma didn't even tell her off! She ALWAYS interrupts if we are talking and starts saying "Mum! Mum! Mum!" and Gemma will stop the conversation and say "yes Madison?"..

I know it's petty, but I was brought up to not interrupt (and if we did we were ignored until Mum had finished what she was saying), we were not allowed to touch other people's things and we were brought up with SO much respect...

Anyway, the point is, I think I'm going to be pretty strict and try to always make Evie understand that although she is MY world and my parents' world, she's not the apple of everyone's eyes because I don't like "me, me, me" kids lol... Does that make sense!?

At the same time, I really hope I spend lots of time with her, stimulating her and talking to her... Trying to make her independant from a young age by helping pack away toys that she has got out and respecting people's rules when we're in THEIR homes..

How will you be as a Mum? xx

 

[*Star*]

i guess im not really included cause im already a mum but i'll add anyway!

for me, im really into my kids having manners, not interuppting when other people are talking, and making sure they say thank you and please, and are well behaved when we take them out. always make sure they have clean faces and are nicely dressed and not looking like a tramp!!!

of course i have days when they are still in pjama's at tea time! but really, i want people to look at my kids and think, aw look arent they really nice and well mannered kids, and already people do with my eldest.

 

[Lindsay]

I am the same as Star, I want people to look at Jacob and think he looks clean and tidy. I really don't like runny noses, I carry tissues all the time!!

I make sure that Jacob says please and thankyou for things, well he says ta at the mo cos thankyou is a bit more difficult!!

I don't allow him to touch the ornaments etc in our house or other people's houses. He is at the terrible 2's age at the mo when he pushes his luck all the time but I try to be consistent with what I do and don't allow him so he knows what is right and wrong. I am by no means a perfect mum, sometimes I give in for a quiet life especially if he is asking for more raisins etc!!

Dannii, I am sure you will be a fab mummy

Xxx

 

[Ani]

Hi Dannii,

Most women will be similar to their mothers when they themselves become a mother. I think if you do half as good a job with Evie as your mother has done with you, she will be a very lucky little girl.

When I read your blog sometimes, I can see that your family are so close (I cannot even imagine my brother wanting to come to a scan with me - in fact he hasnt even bothered his ass to congratulate me on my pregnancy!) and this is your parents' doing. Love is the most important factor no matter how strict you are. Deep down you probably already know that...

 

[dannii87]

Aww thank you!!

I think I've been scarred a it when I got bullied at school by how kids can turn out It's a fear of mine that Evie will either get bullied or be a bully but hmmm.. I guess that's far too far away to even think about right now!

Happy birthday to your little boy for today Lindsay

I completely agree with kids being well dressed and clean! It doesn't cost a lot to dress your children nicely and to make sure they're always clean! xx

 

[mibiuk]

Hi Dannii,

Couldn't agree more with the comments above already being a mum, but it still doesn't stop you worrying about the next one or any others you may have.

I believe its a case of morals and I bring my son up to respect people and say please and thank you and behave when we out in public, our son is not spolit but he understands that if we are in a shop he can look and not touch and i say this (touch wood so far) has never had a tantrum demanding things that he see's including sweets.

I think the love you show for your child is paramount in there upbringing whether you in a relationship or single.

Dannii you will make a brilliant mum and Evie is very lucky to have you and your family there for many many years to come.

Take care
Kathy x

 

[aramintalovegrove]

Well I too know what kind of mum I am and have a pretty good idea that Ive done ok as my DS is a star (if I do say somyself )

I am strict in the sense he does what he is told if he has to question it is in a polite manner but I am the boss!

I believe in politeness and have manners and respecting everyone not just adults, however only when they deserve it!

We have a no secrets and certainly no lies andwe talk about our feelings, worries and fears. There is nothing I will not talk to DS about, therefore he knows alot for an 8 year old but we always dicuss why something is like it is, is it right etc, how does that effect us etc if its a difficult subject such as sex drugs and crime

I have always thought learning is priority, everything we discuss is an oppertunity for education and it should always be fun. We get out and do stuff as much as possible, we did not have a TV until he was at school and he has limited TV and computer time now, I think this encourages us to interact with each other rather than being in each others company...however we too have monging days where we plan to do absolutly nothing all day!

I have encouraged him to be an individual but he is allowed to be silly and go off with his friends and be 8, Im certainly not hot housing him!!

We have a rule that 'not to try is not to know' on all food and expieriences, you cant say you dont like it without trying it but once you have if you dont then it is ok.

I love my boy and Im very proud of him as he gets such nice comments from people who meet him.........Ive just got to do it again!!

 

[dannii87]

It's great hearing the way you all bring up your children and your morals etc. You all sound like fab mums, no wonder your children are perfect lol

I hope to take on some of your Mummy ways like aramintalovegrove, the discussing everything and trying food etc - I think that's great and hope I will be like that with Evie!

It's so exciting but so scary at the same time! I've already told my Mum that if she thinks I could improve in any way while parenting Evie, she MUST tell me lol! It'll be hard doing this alone but I'm also looking forward to the challenges I'll face (I doubt I'll be saying that when she's 2 and into everything!)

xx

 

[aramintalovegrove]

You will be fab Dannii, all you need to do is love em and set a good example, honest.

We do lots of thinking about how to be a parent and evaluating whether we are doing a good job and I think that it is important, after all we all make mistakes! You will be fine I promise!!

 

[clairedoran]

I'm quite a relaxed mum with Rebekah, but I think she has made my job really easy as she has always been an angel from the day she was born. She never cries,and thats no joke. She's not at all clingy either,so she makes friends wherever she goes. She's just a naturally happy little girl, and sometimes I think it's just her nature.

The only thing I always said was that I would never have my children i my bed, but Rebekah has been in my bed from the day she was born, and still is now
As it was only me and her after her birth it wasn't really a problem, but then I met my now husband and he has always been relegated to the spare room! That's the one thing I will do differently this time, have baby in the moses basket from day one!!

xx

 

[millylillyrose]

i would like to think ill be very calm with my kids. and bring them up to be pollite and loving. im a no noncence kinda gal too.

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

This is a really good thread, its interesting to see how people think they will be. I think I will be quite a good mum and I deffo know OH will be a brilliant dad. I will teach them to be polite, always say please and thankyou and speak when spoken too. I want them to grow up to be independant but at the same time not be afraid to ask for help if they need it and i want them to feel they can always talk to us about anything, no matter how embarrasing or even if they have done something really bad i want them to tell us and be honest. I will also make sure they know they don't have to be really clever or a big genius, as long as they always try their best we will be proud of them and love them unconditionally. I also want them to have a fun and happy life and we will try our best to make sure that happens. I probably sound really strict and old fashioned! but i want to be the best mum i can be.
Dannii, it seems to me you will be a wonderful mother and also everyone else seem like brilliant mums/mums to be.

 

[Mildly]

I think I will let my kids run pretty wild. I was brought up in a very strict household which made me feel very shy and insecure as a kid. Don't get me wrong, manners and respecting other people will be very important but I hate the idea of giving my kid rules that have no basis in logic and are just rules for rules sake. I want to encourage Oscar to be an individual and have confidence in his opinions and self. Certainly when he gets to be a teenager we will have hopefully done the groundwork in teaching him manners, responsibility, respect and tolerance and he will be free to make his own decisions (and mistakes!). He will be taught to cook, clean and generally look after himself and will have chores to do in return for pocket money from a young age too. Other than that he will be free to develop his own interests , make his own friends and do his thing

I read somewhere, possibly on this board, that the best way to introduce choices to a toddler is never to ask them a straight yes or no question or you'll always get a no response. I think I will be trying this strategy out too

 

[amethyst_echidna]

This is a really interesting thread! I think I'd be the kind of mum that lays down rules only when necessary. Obviously to teach good manners, right from wrong, all that sort of thing as well as safety like don't run into the road etc. but laying down unnecessary rules or expectations, or blowing hot and cold over rules so the kids don't know where they stand is wrong IMHO. Also my parents were pushy when it came to education. To this day they still don't believe my 2:2 from the University of London was enough (even though Dad got a 3rd and Mum didn't even go to uni) and if I got a B in something when my grades had previously been lower they wouldn't congratulate me just ask why I didn't get an A. So that's a big issue for me - I want my kids to try their best and work hard but that's as far as it goes.

I want them to be able to be creative and I'm going to make a "messy area" of the house with a lino floor so they can make a real mess with paints etc. without worrying about it. My only rule with that is that they must help clean up afterwards or no messy area the next day. That goes for everything - if they use something, they need to replace it before they leave otherwise that item is withdrawn for a day at least.

I also want to let them get involved with things, helping me with cooking, laundry etc. I've found that if kids don't see these things as chores and they see them as getting involved instead, then they actually want to do them.

I'm also NEVER going to argue in front of my kids. My parents never did, not once, and instead they calmly talked it through or left it until later when they'd cooled down. They also agreed on rules they were to impose or decisions to be made BEFORE telling me so that I didn't try to play one parent off against the other.

It's really easy to see why so many mums and mums-to-be on here are and will be such great parents!

AMETHYST

 

[nori]

Me and my partner are very different and come from very different backgrounds. I definately think i will be the stricter one of the two but one thing i will insist on is good manners (like many others have said). I will make sure my kids grow up NOT being spoilt and knowing the value of money from an early age (something my OH hadnt learnt) I know there are certain things i will have to relax on but what with my OH being completely different to me i think our child will have a good chance of being quite balanced!

Claire x

 

[MagicMarkers]

Although my brother is a little hooligan hes got lovely manners, and iv been told im polite * like we used to be *, so i suppose il try and bring baby up like that, as for OH hes a right old style gentleman, holds doors open, cooks cleans, absolutely amazing so hopefully we'll be able to instill some good morals and values on our LO, were both pretty relaxed, so i suppose we'll take a laid back approach to parenting, were both prety thrifty, so im sure LO will be down to earth, no pameperede little princess/prince our end, plus i like to make things, clothes, jewlery, quilts, cakes etc so hopefully LO will help out alot with that growing up and it should help them be more expressive and creative, something i thing really helps bring out childrens personalities and makes them more confident and sociable
I just hope there happy, most i can ask for really.

 

[Sydneysmum]

It's kinda difficult to know what kind of mum you'll be until you're there. You sort of morph into the role with your personality responding to theirs (and the things you find most annoying about your children are the things that you find most annoying about yourself, believe me). It sounds as though you come from a close knit family and I think you'll make a great mum!

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

Well me and my brother were raised just on being polite and good morals My mum seems to think that's enough because we fit in pretty much anywhere and scrub up really well.....even if we were difficult rude rebellious little brats in the height of our teenage years We certainly calmed down again so it only lasted a few years (poor parents!)

With me becoming Muslim though there defininately are some rules and/or daily regimes that need to be instilled from an early age...and this is the mothers responcibilty
Not in a Hitler kind of way....but things like explaining why we don't eat pork....how important it is to be clean at all times but especially before eating....why we do prayers and what time they are....etc
Because it's nto just a belief it's a whole system of living with guidelines for EVERY aspect of life
At first my mum asked why I didn't raise them on good morals until they're old enough to understand about religion and then teach them about Islam....which makes sense to some of my friends as well but it just wouldn't work
Everyday they'll be 'exposed' to the Muslim life style and it really doesn't make sense to get them to do all these things without explaining why to them ....or to actually try and exclude them from these things because it'll make the house hold so confusing and upside-down!
It's natural if you are a Christian couple you raise your children as Christians...a Muslim couple you raise them as Muslims

We're not a really strict couple so we'll do our best raising them...which will obviously involve being polite and considerate and encourage to ask questions etc but also many of the aspects of daily living under our religion...and if when they're old enough they don't agree and want to become something else....as sad as it'll be at least I'll know we've done all we can for them in that respect and just hope their up bringing means they'll live sensible lives

I think seriously though I'll have to try not to over worry about our kids because I used to like a bit of rough and tumble in the woods/feidls when I was younger but the world seems to be getting more dangerous for children as time goes on and I don't want to end up wrapping them in cotton wool

 

[nori]

Noor.. I find your posts really interesting. I am not religious atall (even though i was christened)and i wont be getting my baby christened. I tend to agree with your friends about letting them decide but having read your points i can kinda see where you are coming from aswell... Never thought of it like that...

Claire x

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

Interesting Each to their own

I was Christened even though my family aren't religious ..my brother wasn't though. My Gran became a born again Christian just before I was born so she had to make all the promises etc on my parents behalf.
My mum's reason for this is because she's really into her books etc and she'd read too many stories where the girl gets killed because she hadn't got a guardian angel so she supersticiously got me christened

I do understand what my mum and friends were trying to get at but I seriously don't see it working. One of a Muslim mother's main duties is to raise her children as believers and teach them about their religion. If they leave this path when they are old enough to understand and come to their own decision then there's nothing we can do about it
But I really don't see how you could 'water it down' for them until they reached that stage and still get on with normal life