What help did you get with your new baby?

[BabyMagic]

Hi Mums,

I would appreciate if you could tell me how much help, and from who, did you have after your returned home with your baby? How much help would you've wanted/could you recommend others to have?



Everyone keeps saying to me that getting some help is crucial. I may be naive as a first time mother but my instinct says that I would rather bond with the baby myself to start with.

Even though my OH and I spend as much time together as possible, he travels a LOT because of his work. On average, we spend around 2 - 4 nights together per week. So I am used to being on my own. He has said though that he'll be spending more time with us when the baby is born (he is self-employed).

My family lives overseas but my parents are eager to come and help out, but I don't think I'd like them to stay with me for too long. Also, I'll be going back home in summer...

Thank you for your answers in advance.

 

[lea m]

TBH I didnt have much help! I did everything! I mean I had OH and my parents around but I tended to do everything myself!
Maybe I shouldnt have? I dont know lol but I had 3 children in 3 years and each time I seen to my babies every whim! lol
IF you dont feel up to it at any point (maybe your exhausted etc) then get someone to help you! Dont feel like you have to do everything your self!! I just did because I was ok with that but if at anytime I felt I needed help I would have asked! Not everyone is the same! Just see how you feel after the baby is born! You may find your totally fine with just you OH helping out occasionally! Then again you may welcome extra help with open arms!!
Good luck!!

 

[Redshoes]

I did everything myself too Probably made me a little ill with sleep deprivation and other issues but I didn't have anyone stay or visit to help out with Isaac as it were. I think if your parents are offering to stay, say you will know more after LO arrives, so cannot say how long for, or agree a time now and if you feel you want them longer when LO arrives, maybe they'd stay if you asked? You may be begging them to stay or you may feel as you do now, after LO's born, either's fine, just do what makes you feel most comfortable Looking back it would have been nice to have someone cook something, tidy up a little, do a load of washing, basically the housework, as LO took up every minute Very best wishes

 

[elaine22]

OH helped out a lot at first and when he had to return to work after 2 weeks my mum came up to stay for a week as I was struggling to cope on my own. It really helped as she did all the housework and kept us company and took LO in the mornings so I could sleep a bit longer. It also helped me bond better with baby as I had more time just to sit and cuddle and breastfeed her early on without worrying about cooking and stuff. I didn't want my mum to leave after a week lol
hope it all goes well for you

 

[Becky]

My mum helped out a lot especially after OH went back to work. It was great really as I had an emergency c-section so I needed the help.

BUT the help that she gave me was not with the baby, although she did watch Lucy while I had baths etc. she mainly helped me keep up with housework. This gave me time to spend with Lucy and helped me bond with her.

I would recommend this to anyone that if people offer to help say that you don't really need anything baby wise but you're behind with washing or something so it would be a great help if they could put a load through or hang some on the line etc.

On a similar note, if you have visitors ask them to make themselves at home and if they want a cuppa to help themselves. Especially in the early days and if you have a lot of visitors you don't want it to be a case of people coming round, them holding baby while you spend your time running back and forth to the kitchen making cups of tea!

MIL and some others didn't like it much but after all, she was my baby not theirs!

 

[Full of hope!]

Once my OH went back to work my mum helped me a lot! She has been great, helping with housework and cooking me decent meals She has left me to look after and bond with Jacob really but does look after him when I need a nap or a relaxing bath!

My M.I.L has wanted to help out but not with housework or washing like my mum but by looking after Jacob on her own! That isn't what I want so I haven't really taken her up on the offer. He's my baby.... I want to look after him myself!

 

[Becky]

My M.I.L has wanted to help out but not with housework or washing like my mum but by looking after Jacob on her own! That isn't what I want so I haven't really taken her up on the offer. He's my baby.... I want to look after him myself!

Sounds familiar!!!! My MIL always said "anytime you want me to have the baby just ask".....

 

[Gem & Leland]

My M.I.L has wanted to help out but not with housework or washing like my mum but by looking after Jacob on her own! That isn't what I want so I haven't really taken her up on the offer. He's my baby.... I want to look after him myself!

Sounds familiar!!!! My MIL always said "anytime you want me to have the baby just ask".....

me 3

 

[samandbump]

My M.I.L has wanted to help out but not with housework or washing like my mum but by looking after Jacob on her own! That isn't what I want so I haven't really taken her up on the offer. He's my baby.... I want to look after him myself!

Sounds familiar!!!! My MIL always said "anytime you want me to have the baby just ask".....

me 3

me 4...i dont really trust her that much with him, i think shes on the verge of being a abit loopy but i would never say anything to her or OH

 

[sazzylou]

My M.I.L has wanted to help out but not with housework or washing like my mum but by looking after Jacob on her own! That isn't what I want so I haven't really taken her up on the offer. He's my baby.... I want to look after him myself!

Sounds familiar!!!! My MIL always said "anytime you want me to have the baby just ask".....

me 3

me 4...i dont really trust her that much with him, i think shes on the verge of being a abit loopy but i would never say anything to her or OH

Yup, same here MIL wanted to sit with Beth, play with Beth, feed Beth while i got on with all my cooking / cleaniing / washing I only let her come round a couple of times, then i made excuses for her not to, lol.

My mum was pretty good. She came round when i needed her, and if i didnt, she'd phone and aske if she could come and see us . I didnt really need that much help at all. Instinct kicked in and i actually loved being at home, just me and the baby.

My mum has said to me this time that she'll be round every day to do the housework so ive had to have a chat with her and say nooooo, that wont be necessary, lol. Id like to have space with this baby too, even though i have beth to look after aswell. If i need help i'll ask for it, but im not making any plans yet, cos i might not need it. I was suprised how welll i coped when i had my first.

 

[BabyMagic]

Many thanks for your comments

I feel quite confident that I'll be able to look after the baby on my own and with my OH's help and your responses confirmed that it is possible.

My mum is coming over next week (2 weeks before my due date) to have some 'us' time before the baby is born (unless the little princess decides to come early ) so I'll speak to her then. It is cheaper to book flights about a month in advance so I think I'll invite her to come around for a week when the baby is 2 - 3 weeks old.

I am not too close to my OH's family so I doubt they'd be keen to help with housework either! And, it is them who are telling me that having a nanny, private midwife or doula is a must! This option is out of a question for me as I wouldn't want to have a stranger hanging around my house. Hence, it's either my family or nobody...

I do have a cleaner who comes once a week so at least she can do most of the cleaning and ironing so luckily I don't have to worry about that.

 

[purple13]

i didn't have, and still don't have, any help.

my mum would have been around but she died 2 years ago. i've got my OH but he's back at work now.

it's tough if you're bf-ing, as midna says - connor is on my boobs almost constantly at the moment. but if i dont get any housework done, what's the big deal? love me, love my mess!!

 

[Jen & Her Men]

I have had hardly any help. DH had to go back to work 2 days after James arrived as he runs his own business. My MIL has Multiple Sclerosis and my mum works 4 days a week.
I have to admit I found the first few weeks very hard. Its heavy going having a new born baby to yourself 14 hours a day. I think if you hubby works "normal" hours its ok, but like yours, mine works away a lot and has a 50 mile commute each way so he would leave for work at 5am and not get in til 8pm. Thats a long time to spend on your own with a new baby and having to do house work, cooking, washing, etc etc.
I had also had an emergency caesarean so found it particularly tough.
I always thought i would be fine and cope ok and wouldnt want any help but tbh with the benefit of hindsight i would have loved a bit of assistance with cooking and housework and occasionally someone to take James and give me a break for 5 mins when it was all getting a bit too much.

 

[Babylicious]

Other than 2 weeks Sean took off I've had no help. It's hard at the moment as Paris is on half term so I've got both.

But I'm coping

 

[NIE]

My DH had 2 weeks off work after my DS was born and that is it.

My MIL has visited a few times and tried to help but has ended up being more of a pain than anything else.

My mum had Adam for the first time yesterday for 2 hours.

 

[Red_Fairy]

first time round, hardly any help... my mum n dad where away on holiday and my oh couldnt afford to tale Maternity leave so it was just me.

this time round, my OH cant afford again to take time off so he isnt here to help (away till 4am tonight )
BUT my mum has been a life line! shes came round just for a couple of hours almost every day just to keep me sain, and get used to things i think.

I think you'll be fine hun, first few weeks the baby usually just sleeps anyway.

 

[happy-chick]

Hubby had 2 weeks off but had no help other than that apart from my mum on the phone for all my questions and MIL helped with cooking some meals for us and doing some washing when we first came home as I was exhausted from long labour

 

[starlight]

Hiya all,my dh helped for the first two weeks after having first dd with making bottles,cleaning and cooking etc. because i was very ill after given birth as i lost alot of blood and my iron levels were very low really was pampered .

As i wasn't up to much visitors mil ask if she could have dd overnight when she was barely two weeks old i said no cause im bonding with my daughter which she didn't like.

When second dd was born i manage completley on my own but mil and her new partner insisted coming down at 8.00am taking dd1 to nursery,cleaning the house and picking up dd1 from nursery at dinner then taking her back to her own house barely saw my dd1 all week until i had words with dh.

I appreiate all the help but wished i sat everyone down i told them what i wanted doing and i'll ask for help if i needed it.x

 

[Full of hope!]

mil ask if she could have dd overnight when she was barely two weeks old i said no cause im bonding with my daughter which she didn't like.

My M.I.L wanted to have Jacob overnight too when he was just 3 weeks old, I said no way and she didn't like it either! What is with M.I.L's???!

 

[Princess_Puddles]

this time round, my OH cant afford again to take time off so he isnt here to help (away till 4am tonight )

Your OH should get 1 week Paternity on full pay! Unless he's self employed.