Visitors after baby is born/MIL issues

[buggy1]

Oh my lordy, this really gets my goat! People can be so selfish!!! I hate the way they make you feel guilty or impose on you at a time when you really need to be left alone. You shouldn't even have to ask people, most of the people that are guilty of this have had children and should bloody well know better!

My OH wasn't speaking to his mum when we had DD but I expect she will be quite bad, she's the type to want to get stuck in. I'm sure she will be of help but I want time alone as a family so we can bond with our new baby and establish breastfeeding.

Last time it was my FIL who was a right pain. We're not close to him (OH doesn't have a lot to do with really) but he came round every other day for the first couple of weeks, despite being about 1.5hr drive away. Then obviously my family all wanted to see our daughter so they came round too but only once each in the beginning. With all the different people though it turns in to quite an affair and really had an effect on me and breastfeeding which I realise now I should have done much more of but there were too often people there. Plus my stitches got infected and I felt like crap so I really didn't want to be seeing people, particularly ones (like OH's family) that I'm not close to and don't normally see that much of.

 

[Goat]

How annoying for you! Is she looking after dd whilst you're in labour? If not then can you just not tell her when it happens until a couple of days after bubs is born?
As for the breastfeeding, wiggle your boobs in their face and tell them they're more than welcome to watch you, you can squirt milk their way so they don't feel left out! Joking of course.... but I would just ignore any comments like that. Fools!x

 

[Em91]

Thanks all! I had started to think perhaps i was being unreasonable! But reading your replies perhaps actually she is very much in the wrong. Things get misconstrued between Me via OH to MIL so i think i will try and sit down with her in the next couple of weeks and have an honest conversation *shudders at the thought*
She is top of the list for when i go into Labour! Im having a homebirth so if its night time DD will stay in bed. But if its daytime whilst we have lots of friends who are happy to have her, i know DD would be most happy with MIL! Because however much of an old boot she is, DD loves her & is used to their house etc! So ideally i have to put her first and send her to MIL if i go into labour in the daytime
Xx

 

[CDx]

Not selfish at all its your family and like you said you need to consider the changes your daughter will be going through and allow her to adjust to her little brother.

Your MIL is what I fear mines will be like, she's jealous my mum will be there for my labour, although my mum had said the birth is something me and OH should experience together alone and she wants to give us space. Both her and her partner have said as soon as they hear I'm in labour they are driving straight to the hospital (they live 3 hours away) I've tried to say the hospital won't let visitors in outwith visiting times and OH needs to have the discussion that her partner will not be meeting the baby before OHs dad. Oh and she wants her friends to visit the hospital...not happening!

Stand your ground and do what's best for your own family, she will have plenty of time to spend with her grandson.

 

[MrsS143]

I think aswell though... our mums matter more than the OHs mums
We are in pain and scared. We just might feel we need our mums there!

 

[Em91]

Unfortunately irrelevant for me as my mum is no longer around. But will be having my closest friend as well as OH as birthing partners for my homebirth so plenty of actual support! x

I think aswell though... our mums matter more than the OHs mums
We are in pain and scared. We just might feel we need our mums there!

 

[Emapot1]

I was too going to say if it's your "own" flesh and blood ie mum, dad, sister etc to the person in labour, then it makes a huge personal difference. I want my mum there because she knew exactly what to say, do and made me feel comfortable through the whole process and she had the freedom to do and go where she wanted. This time oh will come in when I'm around 9-10cm and deliver baby but I also want my mum to see her being born as the last time she saw Annabel still born so I want her to see her other granddaughter being born and hearing her cry and hold her too. She did me so proud and made me feel so calm. My mil would make it all about her and it's not about her. X

 

[buttonbear]

I'm the opposite really Id prefer my MIL there to my mum although neither will I fine it personal for OH and I I'm very lucky I know to have such a good MIL it seems the minority haha

 

[El1en]

I'm the same as you buttonbear. My mil is fantastic whereas my mum unfortunately is a bit too full on for me a lot of the time. Someone who recently gave birth told me I should make it clear to both mums they can't just turn up when they want after the birth and must arrange when to come over with me. I don't need to do this for my mil but ill have to tell me my they've both been given the same instructions